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    Lord forgive me.

    Just watched a documentary on The Protestant Reformation for History class. Catholics and Protestants were both martyred for their faith, many being burned at the stake.

    I share this because I feel so foolish for complaining about my relational and mental issues and doubting Him when we are so blessed to be able to worship without, for the most part, the fear of being physically persecuted for it.

    This in no way minimizes our illnesses. It just helps me to see the big picture, the macro versus the micro, so to speak.
    #Jesus #god #Faith #freedom

    15 reactions 10 comments

    1 year down, the rest of my life to go

    It has been 1 year today that I've been abuse free. It's a great feeling and I'm moving forward with a new start to the up coming new year. New city, new home, new job. It's going to be tough for a little while but I now know my strength and my worth.

    If you are in an abusive relationship, I encourage you to leave when you can. My marriage almost killed me more than once and leaving was and is the best thing I have ever done for myself. Even though I most my children in the wake, I have hope that they'll come around someday. #Never again #freedom #Abuse

    3 reactions 2 comments


    Wasn't too sure how I'd feel, the day of my retirement (10/31/22). I thought I'd be an emotional wreck on video, with my coworkers. Nope, for once it didn't happen. Spent 1st full day Tues, doing nothing. My body & brain after 30 yrs needed to start healing. So here it is Friday--Slowly feeling good pain wise. Dealing with #'s for 30 years, takes a mental toll. All i can say is, I'm the happiest (i think. other than my wedding day) I've been in decades. I was never so happy to retire !! Now I can start on trying to be healthy. #Retirement #happy #freedom


    A want to move on..

    My last post about being rooted in the past, is still speaking to me. For some reason I feel a drive to move from my current town and home that I’ve known for 36 years! It won’t be easy, moving all our possessions and uprooting to the East Coast of the U.S. I’ve lived in the East though, for 19 years of my life. I’m quite certain I could do it again. My husband says he’s ok with it. He’s someone who grew up in California. Really, he vacillates on moving..I dislike the changes that have happened in our neighborhood..More ADU’s more traffic, people not taking care of property, people infringing on our property..I know there would be a whole set of new things to get use to in a new place, but Hopefully, overall it would be a change for the better. I’d like to be closer to my children (-even though one has written us off!) I’m just antsy for a new start, a new beginning, some where else..I could do this! My husband, not really. He’s too rigid in his ways, even though he’d move for me, he just can’t step outside the box or color outside the lines…#PTSD #change #Comfort married to a non-practicing alcoholic still causes #confrontation #freedom need a #New way, a new place to call #home I just feel I need this before I’m too old…

    1 comment

    Steps Forward

    I was able to write my trauma narrative without getting badly triggered. I was even able to go into detail. I feel different but in a good way. I feel like I can say to myself that I survived.

    I can move on and while I still have healing to do, I have come a long way from where I was a couple years ago. A couple years ago I was scared, angry and didn't trust people. Now I can be happy, feel safe and trust people a little.

    I can tell my survival story without it ruining my day (like it would in the past) and I think that is a huge sign of improvement. Anyone can do it. You don't have to share with anybody, just yourself.

    Writing is so liberating, it has been there for me and has helped me process a lot of difficult things. I really suggest journaling. I don't do it every day but enough.

    I am sharing this with you so that you can see that you too can take steps forward. Stay strong friends:)

    #PTSD #SexualAbuse #SexualAssault #Writing #freedom #hopeful #Abuse #Journal #MightyTogether #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder


    Growing Pains

    Back in the day,

    We used to play outside till dawn

    Now, we're just another government pawn

    Back in the day,

    We used to live, laugh & grow

    Now, we are forced to work our asses off bro

    What is this shit? (mind my language)

    Death is a trap to try and get us to submit?

    As kids, we couldn't wait to be adults

    Now, I reflect and I am like that was truly nuts!

    The days when we could cry and be comforted

    Childhood turned to adulthood and those days plummeted

    Now, we're struggling to make ends meet, Who would have thought, childhood was only a treat

    But it's life,

    So put away that knife

    It is what it is -

    God is good, all is his

    Better days are ahead

    So, go and continue to chase that bread!

    #Life #resilience #NeverGiveUp #Suicide #SuicideAwareness #Selfharm #selfharmawareness #strength #courage #bravery #Independence #freedom #freedomwriters #useyourwords #expression #expressyourself #creativity #Deep #deepthinkers #bold #Spirituality #Meditation #Spiritual #calm #Zen #gowiththeflow #liveinthepresent #loa #TheSecret #manifest #manifestation #Positivity #PositiveVibes #GoodVibes #vibes #Energy #YouCanDoIt #Believe #Hope #Care #Empathy #compassion

    1 comment

    Have you ever?

    Have your ever felt like no one understands you?

    Like you are alive but yet you feel like you are also dead

    Have you ever tried to reach out or talk

    But then, you are like 'nah, they won't get it'

    Have you ever felt so anxious,

    you masked it with ridiculously lame and 'weird' humour or sarcasm?

    Just to make it look like you are super chill but you are really just nervous

    Have you ever wanted to win a stranger's heart

    By giving them random compliments or by trying to make them smile or laugh

    Secretly thinking to yourself that this is exactly how you feel everyone should be and treat each other

    Have you ever been so naive to ignore the bad in someone and focus solely on the positives and look at the good in everyone?

    Have you ever been so foolish that you've tried to help and support or cheer up someone that has repeatedly hurt you and you know does not care about you and probably would not do the same in return? Yet, you do it anyways?

    Have you ever just stared into space, zoned out and smile...

    Imagining your perfect little dream world

    Imagining Utopia

    Have you ever been so naturally 'high' that people have assumed you drank or did drugs?

    Have you ever felt happy inside but on the outside felt scared to express or show it because of well, so-called evil eye

    Have you ever not believed in superstitions yet still been anxious and overthink your interactions due to them

    Have you ever just been happy for no reason at all like a child

    Have you ever... just spontaneously wrote a post like this without even thinking?

    Impulsivity can be fun but it can be exhausting...

    Humour can be fun but be tiring...

    Good things come and go; it is okay to feel not okay and for bad times to also come, they also go.

    Don't stop being you due to the bad moments or days

    KEEP SMILING :) :) Your energy is contagious and is needed to make the world go round - YING YANG - hippie style

    #modernhippie #hippiestyle #yingyang #loa #TheSecret #Energy #vibe #GoodVibes #smile #keepsmiling #haveyouever #justdoit #taketheinitiative #takerisks #risk #Risks #Impulsivity #spontaneous #bebold #bold #Brave #courage #strength #Independence #freedom #freedomwriters #resilience #Empathy #compassion #humanity #happyness #pursuitofhappyness #justlisten #listen #justobserve

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    Self-esteem: a treasure to find and keep.

    Self esteem is such a delicate feeling and sense of being. When found and nourished, it is powerful and is the wings to make us fly to reach out to our dreams and develop our potential. Let us build what can make us who we want to be. #Selfesteem #freedom #couragetobeme

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    Fear Can Change

    Fear is a strong emotion. But in DBT I was taught to accept it radically. Don't fight the emotion it gives it more power. Accept it and move to change it. There is a difference. You must accept that it is real but it may not fit the facts of your situation. So then you can use the facts to CHANGE the emotion or thought. My example was Fear of leaving the house. No hard facts that anything seriously is going to happen. The emotion of Fear using a more reasonable mind CHANGED to Freedom/Gratitude. I am grateful that I can safely walk my dog in my neighborhood without a chance of harm or danger. #Hope #freedom #Emotion