Noone is going to make me food or run me a bath. I have to wait sometimes weeks for someone to carry my laundry down so I can do it then gaia knows when it'll come back up. So I often have to wear dirty clothes. Which my mother encourages because we apparently can't afford to wear our clothes once. Yet she can afford all kinds of junk food and other miscellaneous stuff. She recently brought home kittens and I have to feed them and clean up after them. Which I never agreed to. My bedroom is destroyed, garbage everywhere, and noone will help me clean it up. I can't do chores anymore and my family had gotten comfortable with me doing almost all of them since I was a kid. Never had a choice, parents worked all day and my brother's were fucking abled bodied princes who got to sit around playing games all day. When they were in the 20s I stopped cleaning up after them and hell ensued. I was shamed and guilted and abused so bad for refusing to do it. So I continued to do it when I can. Often it was a condition of me moving back home everytime welfare kicked me off or a roommate or landlord fucked me over. I could barely take care of myself, yet I'm expected to clean up after grown abled bodied men? Sexist abliest bullshit. I can't get homecare. I've been waiting on specialists for over 15 years. Mum can't afford the CBD oil anymore. We've got cannabis in the house but who knows how long we can keep getting it and it comes with a whole other set of problems. I'm exhausted and suicidal tho I'm too scared I'll fuck it up to attempt it. But somedays I come close. I'm so scared of becoming a vegetable. The worst part of this is that for a few months this year I had gotten healthcare and physically I was doing better but the medicine was causing me severe panic attacks every night, couldn't sleep in my bed for months. My mum's abusive boyfriend added a board at an angle to my bed just to get me off the couch cuz they were afraid my fat would break it. Then we couldn't afford the dosage of CBD anymore. So with both meds down, I'm slowly declining again. I hate that I'd had that good period of time because it gave me fucking hope and then it was gone as fast as it had come. Cruel as fuck. I'm tired of being in pain. I'm tired of nobody believing me. I'm tired of the world telling me I don't deserve healthcare and basic human rights. I'm trans, fat, disabled and queer. The world hates me. I'm tired of being alone because the only people who will be friends with me are too tired to interact even online. I'm exhausted. How do YOU do it? #Anxiety #Depression #Disability #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #ChronicMigraines #chronic dizziness #CPTSD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Autism #ADHD #restlessness #exhausted #NeedSupport #needhealthcare #CarpalTunnelSyndrome #Osteoarthritis #trans #queer #Fatphobia