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    2 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    Doubting my abuse

    Hi all,
    This is my first post. More looking for someone who can relate and give me some advice. I have bipolar I and I’m crashing down from an extended manic episode where I was convinced that the diagnosis was wrong so I started going off my meds. During those “manic months” I wrote a book about the abuse I’ve endured and made a lot of progress around my childhood abuse with EMDR therapy. As I stabilize, I’m going back to doubting myself and all that I’ve been through. I’m blaming myself for distancing from abusers and telling myself I made it all up. I’m embarrassed by my writing, and I’m struggling with thoughts of suicide.
    I have a great team of doctors but they don’t get it. No one can explain why being back on meds makes me doubt that the abuse ever occurred, but I feel like I’m losing my mind and stuck in a cycle of self hatred.
    Anyone ever experience anything like this? I also have a diagnosis of ptsd but as I accept the bipolar, I all of a sudden don’t believe the ptsd is real.
    Any words of wisdom or just relating in general would be so helpful! Thank you 🤍🤍 #BipolarDisorder #CPTSD #SuicidalThoughts #SelfDoubt #selfhatred #NeedSupport

    13 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    I have had surgery for my right ovarian cyst near the end May did not expect to come of surgery and suffer catatonia from general anesthesia. I ended up in a catatonic state after surgery after anaesthesia and was moved by ambulance from the private hospital where I had my surgery to a public hospital ICU for three days and then to neurology ward where I had lost the use of my right side. I woke up not able to use my right side and lost all of my independence that day when I woke up. I was diagnosed with FND and eventually told there was nothing could do and sent me home on a stretcher after weeks in hospital via medical ambulance transport. Now home I m so depressed because before all of this I had my independence even though I was limping to get around but now my right side is useless and I have to relearn everything. I feel like a burden to everyone cause need their help. I need rehab but it is not possible right now cause of really strict lockdown where I live and support cannot even come to my house to give me support. I m trying not to give up. Can anyone talk with me? #NeedSupport #depress

    5 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    Support

    I’ve noticed lately I get panic attacks before I have to work. Lately the job has been stressing me out and now I’m experiencing physical symptoms of how I don’t want to go. It’s just exhausting to be treated badly. I have bipolar disorder and am still learning to cope and understand how it effects my life. I’m so bad at spending money, I do it impulsively and without thinking sometimes. I mostly do it cause I want to few good about myself and sometimes I feel like i don’t have anyone to talk too. I rather not upset anyone. Lately I have been crying a lot. I’m trying my hardest to not let this get to me. I find writing helps and making art but having an anxiety about work is upsetting me. Some positive words would be greatly appreciated! 💜 #Anxiety #Life #BipolarDisorder #NeedSupport #Depression

    12 people are talking about this
    Community Voices
    jg

    Bpd-wanting emotional relationship

    I have BPD. My husband does not understand nor does he want to( I asked about going to counseling or therapy. He is opposed). I keep having these obsessive thoughts about either leaving him(he is a good provider and good father) or just going outside of my marriage to find someone who understands or at least is willing to listen. Is it wrong of me to have these feelings? He thinks are marriage is not on the rocks but I am drowning in obsessive thoughts of being with someone else, not sexually just emotionally . We have 4 children so the thought of leaving is scary(we also own a business together) I also have NO other family support as my husband and I have destroyed all family contact.. I’m at a complete loss. #BPD #NeedSupport

    4 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    New childhood trauma memories
    #CPTSD #AbuseSurvivors

    So I'm in the process of being interviewed about ritualistic abuse I lived through as a child (I'll try to avoid going into detail of actual abuse and just stick to talking about my situation now)

    Basically due to covid (an other reasons) the interviews were put on hold..
    the second I wasn't being interviewed more and More memories started coming back again, then I found out they are angling the case Just towards my biological father and Not the ring of powerful child killers he 'worked' with, this leaves me very afraid for my long term safety.

    Well now my brain undug at least two other perpetrators I was trafficked to.
    it's like the police saying they are just going after him meant my brain had to release memories of everyone else that it Knows need to be held accountable for the things they have done!!

    My biggest concern with them saying that (,well there are Many!) Is that the information that I gave them that they Don't want to ask me any questions about.. is the bit that includes all the murder crime scenes I was at or taken to at..
    It's the bit that includes all the rich and powerful people, but it's also the bits where my bio father and others killed children!

    I'm worried he will end up with just a slap on the wrist and his name on the a register.. when he and at least 15 other 'men' should be going down as mass murderers!!

    How can they call this justice?
    How can they try and make this Just a historical family abuse case?
    How can the system hide such horrors?
    How am I meant to battle this All alone?
    How can the police put my life in danger and protect serial killers?
    What is actually wrong with the world!?!

    #Barelycoping #childhoodabusesurvivor #Nojustice #MeToo #Childhoodtrauma #helpme #NeedSupport #warriorsurvivor #WritingThroughIt #emotionalflashback #somaticflashbacks #scared #tired #stillfighting #twistedworld

    2 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    Good morning 🌞

    My name is Logan. I’m new to the site. I came here to meet like-minded people that struggle with emotional illness like I do. I’m very unhappy with my life at this juncture. I don’t have many friends bc I fear that if they learn how broken I am inside, they’ll run away! I know I am a good person, but fear paralyze’s me then I don’t know which way to turn/go. I am a positive person for others, yet a Debbie downer to myself! I’m here if anyone needs to talk or vent, I always try to relate. #Saddnes #Pain #Paralysis #Aloneandscared #NeedSupport #mutualsupport

    2 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    I’ve had daily migraines for 7 years. It’s stopped me from so much and I’m only 28. How have some of you learned to accept and live with migraines?

    12 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    How do manage being so disabled you can barely do basic self care (and many days not at all) without help or healthcare?

    Noone is going to make me food or run me a bath. I have to wait sometimes weeks for someone to carry my laundry down so I can do it then gaia knows when it'll come back up. So I often have to wear dirty clothes. Which my mother encourages because we apparently can't afford to wear our clothes once. Yet she can afford all kinds of junk food and other miscellaneous stuff. She recently brought home kittens and I have to feed them and clean up after them. Which I never agreed to. My bedroom is destroyed, garbage everywhere, and noone will help me clean it up. I can't do chores anymore and my family had gotten comfortable with me doing almost all of them since I was a kid. Never had a choice, parents worked all day and my brother's were fucking abled bodied princes who got to sit around playing games all day. When they were in the 20s I stopped cleaning up after them and hell ensued. I was shamed and guilted and abused so bad for refusing to do it. So I continued to do it when I can. Often it was a condition of me moving back home everytime welfare kicked me off or a roommate or landlord fucked me over. I could barely take care of myself, yet I'm expected to clean up after grown abled bodied men? Sexist abliest bullshit. I can't get homecare. I've been waiting on specialists for over 15 years. Mum can't afford the CBD oil anymore. We've got cannabis in the house but who knows how long we can keep getting it and it comes with a whole other set of problems. I'm exhausted and suicidal tho I'm too scared I'll fuck it up to attempt it. But somedays I come close. I'm so scared of becoming a vegetable. The worst part of this is that for a few months this year I had gotten healthcare and physically I was doing better but the medicine was causing me severe panic attacks every night, couldn't sleep in my bed for months. My mum's abusive boyfriend added a board at an angle to my bed just to get me off the couch cuz they were afraid my fat would break it. Then we couldn't afford the dosage of CBD anymore. So with both meds down, I'm slowly declining again. I hate that I'd had that good period of time because it gave me fucking hope and then it was gone as fast as it had come. Cruel as fuck. I'm tired of being in pain. I'm tired of nobody believing me. I'm tired of the world telling me I don't deserve healthcare and basic human rights. I'm trans, fat, disabled and queer. The world hates me. I'm tired of being alone because the only people who will be friends with me are too tired to interact even online. I'm exhausted. How do YOU do it? #Anxiety #Depression #Disability #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #ChronicMigraines #chronic dizziness #CPTSD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Autism #ADHD #restlessness #exhausted #NeedSupport #needhealthcare #CarpalTunnelSyndrome #Osteoarthritis #trans #queer #Fatphobia

    14 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    My life has changed so much these last 3-4 years. Migraines became chronic and I’m now peri menopausal. Essentially, I’ve gone from a svelte healthy runner to an overweight hermit. I cannot exercise or go out in the sun (migraine triggers) & and now an empty nester. My husband of almost 30 years has NO compassion. My friends have for the most part given up on me due to all the cancellations. Easily crying and constantly thinking of exit plans.
    I’ve almost had enough. I live for my dogs and my kids. I cannot wait to see what my 21 yr old (the baby) will do with her degree. The others have done great. #needtohangon #NeedSupport #EmotionalSupportDogs #MajorDepressiveEpisodes #Cryingspells