Nightmares

Night after night, morning after morning, I wake up silently telling someone to leave me alone or go away. Or wake feeling frightened by the nasty man. I used to have nightmares - people trying to get in through the door or window - me desperately pushing against the barrier, struggling to keep them out. Then there's half-formed memories of darkened rooms, wandering hands, men and boys invading my personal space. I know that as a teen and adult I was sexually abused many times by different boys and men. But was I abused as I child? I think that I was, but I don't know that I was. And that is it's own mental torture in itself. I am obssessed with knowing and with not knowing. Desperately seeking clarity, yet fearing it. There are constant triggers too and the anger this brings. Hearing of sexual abuse in the media, in books, tv, dramas, the news or, more recently, disclosures from those close to me, makes me furious, sad, disgusted in the extreme. I want to protect others from those monsters but don't know how. I can't even protect myself. So I cry, I rage. I feel angry, desperate even suicidal at times. Yet I carry on. I put on a brave face, or a mask as I prefer to call it, and go through each new day pushing the fear and resentment down so that I can be there for myself and for others. Because I know that I am loved and that I need that love. I also need to love others with a love that is pure and selfless and true. Maybe that will keep the monsters away if only for a while.

Anyone else just wake up and feel sad? Like I don’t want too. It’s heavy.. it’s exhausting.. sometimes I tell myself things could have been worse. I try hard to motivate myself. I remind myself I’m worthy of being in this world as much as the other person. I’m just so tired of this feeling of failure. The feeling of being lost. People say find god he will fix it. I believe in him. I believe in a lot of things.. it doesn’t stop the feelings the emotions the nightmares. The sense of being lost and not belonging anywhere anymore. Rant over. I just want to stop feeling like this..

Good morning!
I just started wellbutrin and have noticed an increase in nightmares. Can anyone relate?

I read that clonidine might be helpful with this...does anyone have experience with using it to help?

Has anyone used anything else?

Thank you

#MajorDepression
#Depression

Today started off nice but then it feels like I'm drowning. and I'm too scared to reach out to my peers. I have disturbed them too much times. this App is my last resort.

so I'm just lying on my bed hoping this will all be over soon. but I feel horrible bcs I failed to utilise my day yet again. Another precious day the wasted again. And yesterday I got diagnosed with Bronchitis. I hate myself. I don't know what is God's plan out of this turbulent decade of my life. I'm mad, I'm sad, I can't accept my reality feels like nightmares. I'm all over the place.

#Anxiety #Depression #PTSD

👋 all I have been a part of the mighty since early 2017 when I was diagnosed with Chiari Malformation type 1 and Syringomylia. Rheumatoid, and hyper Thyroid issues run in the family along with other autoimmune disorders, dupitrins contractions and planter fashitis (pretty thats mispelked). We also have Mental health or personality disorders as well.

I didn't ever really come on here till now. After having my son in 2021 I developed severe postpartum depression. It eventually disappeared on its own kinda, it just lessened to depression.I was battleing addiction that had started because of my Chiari diagnosis and decompression surgery. In summer of 2022 i got clean and stayed clean. I went to a psychologist who was in the company of my rehab/general therapist. I was diagnosed with general anxiety, social anxiety, depression, bipolar, and having borderline personality disorder traits. I have recently VERY recently got away from trauma and abuse. I am almost 💯sure I have C-PTSD. Are there other forms of trauma bonding, abuse, PTSD out there what are common symptoms? I have something really weird going on and I dont even know how to really explain it . It i don't know if it's a symptoms concerning my Chiari and surgery site or if its a mental, psychological issue from the trauma. Any similar backgrounds out there? Even not general answers would be appreciated as well. Thnx everyone.

#ArnoldChiariMalformation , #ChiariMalformation , #Syringomyelia #autoimmune Disorders #MentalHealth #BorderlinePersonalityDisorderBPD #DepressiveDisorders #BipolarDepression #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #behavioralhealth #Trauma #symptoms #DissociativeIdentityDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #PTSD #mental #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder ##Nightmares #MoodDisorders #SocialAnxiety #OtherMentalHealth #neuro

Hi, my name is BillieJean1977. I'm here because I am 51 years old and I was sexually abused and raped by my dad from the age 4-13, when i was 15 i was raped by my boyfriend, his cousin, and his best friend. 1 month after the rape my dad killed himself. When I was 17 I got pregnant, and married a man who was extremely emotionally and mentally abusive and i stayed with him with my 2 children for 15 years. I was great at blocking all the abuse, I gained strength and left him. 2 years later I got Endometriosis and I was treated for that for 3 years, until I had a full Hysterectomy. For 3 years I was on massive amount of pain medication, I was addicted. In 2007 I lost my Job, I lost the dream home I bought and then the ultimate trauma happened.......... My 18 year old son was killed in car accident. That second I was told I went to my knees, my family said I was screaming at the top of my lungs.......... That was it, I was broke at that point. In 2011 I reached out for help, I finally got Therapy. I had struggles of course, but with all the meds I was on I was getting better. I have not been able to work since my son died, I have been with my son's best friends father since he died, he is my rock, my best friend, and the reason why I am alive today. I take care of my elderly mother, my daughter is living with us and I think I am having some kind of totall massive breakdown. I have been having continuous nightmares, and after all these years of blocking all i went thru for the first 34 years of my life, and not remembering things, for whatever reason I am having massive flashbacks, and periods of intense memories all at once.

i don't really remember much about the times it happened, only through nightmares, and when i think about it i dont feel angry i just feel kind of sad. im supposed to start EMDR soon so idk if it's going to make my nightmares worse or if i'll start to remember stuff soon but im scared. i don't want to live like i've been living, i want to enjoy things and not constantly be worried about it happening again.

I know I'm not the only one when saying that I've felt invisible in the family. I was/is the child that you didn't have to worry about. The child didn't need anyone to function. Although I did receive some attention, I did feel like I was more a part of the background than the foreground. My younger sibling got more attention because he wasn't doing well at school or at home. As I got older, I did end up doing a lot of things alone. It all comes back to me in my nightmares sometimes. #MentalHealth #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiety #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Trauma #Nightmares

Hi.

I am coping with depression it seems daily. I’ve been on meds for a long time but need to face the fact that meds help me function but don’t cure me. My doctor wants to adjust them but it isn’t going well. I’ve done a lot of therapy to get my head in a good space - no more self-hate, or blame or feeling sorry for myself. I still feel empty, unmotivated, like I’m just walking through life with no feelings.

My sister has recently been sharing her problems with me. She’s described our mother like this:
“Mom abused us.  She humiliates, shames, blames, bullies, screams, yells, cusses to coerce us into what she wants”

I don’t remember that. I remember being unhappy, scared, and hating myself and blaming myself but I’ve never remembered why. I guess I curled up into myself so I could ignore it. I don’t think she physically abused me, I was her golden child, maybe because I always tried to do what she wants. I clearly had a bad childhood.

My sister says she has “PTSD, flashbacks, dissociation, hypervigilance, nightmares and more because of the abuse.”
I have and still do experience all of these. But now I know why.

So my new path is to explore my feelings with the knowledge that I experienced chronic abuse as a child. I’m already learning things from this group but I don’t know what to expect. How much of my childhood do I have to remember to heal from it? I really don’t remember what went on around me, I just remember the messed up feelings I had.

Thanks.

#PTSD #BipolarDepression #Depression