Nightmares

Note: The following post is written from a Christian perspective. As such, it may not speak to everyone.

In 2018, we lost our house to a fire. It was terrible, but there was a silver lining. Insurance paid for a brand new home on our lot. At the time, I was really struggling with my mental health. But I was positive that a new setting would transform my outlook.

That didn’t happen. I was still depressed and anxious. I didn’t stop suffering from agoraphobia, psychotic panic, nightmares, self hatred, and an overwhelming sense of dread every single morning. Yes, the house was beautiful, but I was miserable.

The thing is, I tried. I took medication and had group and individual therapy. I prayed and listened to worship music. I went to church. I went out with friends, even when it was torture. I wrote gratitude lists. And it seemed to take forever, but things finally turned around. But it was anything but instantaneous.

There are scripture verses and passages that remind me to not let go of the expectation that God WILL hear my cries for help. I’ve developed a stubbornness about seeking Him until I have an answer. And when He doesn’t answer, I still seek Him. And keep seeking Him. It may not happen in my timing, but I absolutely know it must.

When Job lost everything, his wife told him to curse God and die. He refused, saying that he would follow Him in spite of his dreadful circumstances. Job 13:15 says, “Though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him.” Eventually, his life was completely restored.

In Genesis 32:26, an unnamed man wrestled with Jacob all night long. When the man asked to be released at daybreak, Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” God changed Jacob’s name to Israel, because “You have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.”

In Luke 18, there was a widow who repeatedly asked for help from an unjust judge who freely admitted that he didn’t fear God or care about people. But she wore him down with her persistence, and he finally gave her the justice she sought. Luke 18:7 concludes, “And will not God bring about justice for His chosen ones, who cry out to Him day and night?”

Finally, Matthew 7:7 says, “Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.”

Years ago, I decided to build a porch in front of my house. I needed to cut pieces of wood to fit, and all I had was a hand saw. A table saw would have been much faster and cut more cleanly. But I sawed away, even though it seemed to take forever. At some point, I knew that the wood would give way. I just had to keep sawing.

Some people seem to have been given a table saw. They glide effortlessly through life, without the burden of wondering how to survive the day. But those of us laboring with a hand saw can get there, too. The porch was built. We used it every day. It was built because the laws of physics dictated that the wood was ultimately no match for a humble little hand saw that kept going.

If you don’t give up, spiritual laws promise that you will eventually get free of a mental prison that seems inescapable. Tell God that you’re not letting go until He blesses you. The good news is that He delights in healing His children. He heard my cry, and I know He’ll hear yours.

#Bipolar #Depression #GAD # OCD # PTSD

Hey. I’ll try to keep this short as it’s way too much if I go into details.
2 years ago began the start of the newest problems.
August 2024, they increased and got worst at a way faster rate.

Diagnosis:
Vitiligo
Recurrent staph/MRSA/cellulitis
Folliculitis/Eczema/Prurigo Nodularis
Anemia (most of my life)
Thickened endometrium
Hormone imbalances
Migraines
Spinal injuries
Mental health (ptsd/severe anxiety/depression)
Chronic swollen throat/tonsils/lymph nodes
Sinusitis
Chronic dry cough
Low BP
Recent deviated septum
Fatigue, malaise
Body aches/weakness
Carpal tunnel
Skin intolerance to hot/cold
Recurrent UTI’s
Fibromyalgia
Recurrent ear infections / ear staph
Eustachian tube dysfunction
Hearing loss
Uterine fibroids & cysts
Memory loss
ADHD
Severe Insomnia with nightmares
IBS/GERD
TMJ/Bruxism

Not yet diagnosed:
Raynauds (2 almost constantly blue toe nails, recently started in second, 1st has been present last two years off and on)
Chronic chills
Brittle nails
Hair loss (possibly medication related)

Recent testing:
A few genetic tests
Allergy testing
Several autoimmune panels

Current additional issues:
Oral thrush (due to long term antibiotic usage - close to four months now)
Ear pressure/fullness along with dark red/purple spot inside filled with liquid ? Also spots of white appearing pus that pop to drain
— can’t handle loud noise or cold air currently. Severe ear itching.
Eye itch and redness (not pink eye)
Muscle weakness and twitching - minimal long-term control in arm muscles

Pending:
Additional testing
Meeting hematology
CT of neck/throat/nose
Hysterectomy (paused until healthy)

Immediate Family history of:
Lupus (blood work shows low middle numbers not high enough to diagnose)
Celiac (ruled out by endo/colonoscopy)
Psoriasis
RA (ruled out by blood work)
Heart issues

All I can say is yes, I’m in pain. And yes, I’m exhausted. And frustrated. I’m not a crier and all I do is start crying all the time. I have 4 kids and I can’t be the best for them. I am failing everywhere in life and I just need to get this fixed or someone to finally step in and help because I can’t keep declining like this.

I am a veteran. I have little say in my health care. I can’t get a second opinion. Getting a rheumatologist seems to be impossible despite numerous doctors telling me I should see rheumatology. I’m feeling so defeated. If I could at least narrow things down it would help so much, so I could share my research with my doctors. I have several things on my list but I need to get a really good list. Please help if you can think of what may be causing all of this.

Thank you.

*** I would share many more pictures if I could 💕

#chronichealth #Pain #hurting #mother #Veteran #Desperate #pleaselisten #sick #someonegetmedrhouse #illeventakethegoofysidekickguy #ijustwanttofeelbetter #helpme #Genetics #hematology #labs #Skin #Dermatology #IBS #GERD #autoimmune #Disorder #PTSD #Fibro #Rheumatology

For most of my life, I found it easy to extend mercy to anyone but me. There was a time when I was everyone’s sounding board, but when it was my turn for advice, no one was there for me. I was the sole breadwinner and the hands-on parent. I was the best friend who never asked for anything.

Then, in 2012, everything fell apart. My son had a breakdown and was diagnosed with schizophrenia. I lost my teaching career of 27 years. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but still felt hopeless after beginning therapy and medication. I tried to take my life in 2014.

It terrified my family, but they forgave me. But when I did the same thing nine years ago today, my older son didn’t talk to me for two years. The guilt was crushing.

I hated myself. I couldn’t let go of the feeling that I had failed as a parent, whatever good things I may have done. I do realize that I was in tremendous pain and didn’t think through how much harm I was doing to others. But I couldn’t overcome the feeling that I was the worst mother who ever lived.

My rejection of myself was so profound that I thought I was losing my mind at times. The floor would start to sink, and my brain would nearly explode from terror. This would go on for hours. It was like the (suicidal) poet Sylvia Plath wrote: “Is there no escape from my mind?”

When I wasn’t suffering one of these episodes, I still struggled. I woke up from nightmares every day. I hated to go anywhere. When I did leave the house, if I had to wait at all, I would panic. It was like I was always running from something, yet caught on a hamster wheel.

How did I get from that prison of self loathing to the delight I have now in being me? The right medication has helped tremendously. But there’s also what is known in DBT as Radical Acceptance. On some level, paradoxically, I will never forgive myself. And I’m at peace with that. It’s a permanent scar, but I’m not horrified by it; it’s just a part of me, like my green eyes. It no longer has the power to destroy me.

Because of what I’ve experienced, I know that I simply can’t afford to be consumed with self recrimination. I can’t punish myself. I can’t lose myself in ignoring my own needs and only caring about others. I can’t dwell on thoughts of how unworthy I am.

I need to do more than survive. I need to thrive. I can absorb God’s forgiveness, and extend it to myself and everyone around me. The poison of self hatred doesn’t belong anywhere near me. And if I can be free, anyone can.

So don’t lose hope if you’re stuck in a pit of unforgiveness toward yourself. Try to do something life-affirming. My kids bought me paint supplies for Christmas 2020, and I used them out of obligation- then fell in love. When you bring something new into your life, hope can blossom.

You are worth it. Thanks for reading this.

#Bipolar #Depression #GAD #OCD #PTSD

The Shock of Survival: When the Real Battle Begins

When the dust settles and the chaos fades, there’s a moment of realization: you survived. For a fleeting second, that feels like enough. You’re breathing. Your heart is beating. But survival is just the beginning. No one tells you that the hardest part isn’t the trauma itself, but what comes after.

The silence that follows the storm is deafening. Your mind replays the trauma in an endless loop. Even when the world around you is calm, your thoughts scream, your heart races. You want to move on, but you feel trapped in that moment, a prisoner to memories that refuse to fade.

Healing Isn’t a Straight Path: Navigating the Twists and Turns

I used to think healing was like climbing a staircase—each step leading you steadily toward recovery. But it’s not. Healing is a maze. You stumble forward, take a wrong turn, double back, and hit dead ends. Some days, it feels like progress. Other days, you feel lost again.

No one tells you that setbacks aren’t failures. They’re part of the journey. Even when you feel like you’re sliding backward, you’re still moving. Every twist, every turn teaches you something new. It’s a dance between progress and struggle, and each step counts, even the ones that hurt.

The Lonely Journey Within: Facing the Shadows Alone

Trauma is isolating. Friends and family say, “I’m here for you,” and they mean it. But there are corners of your mind no one else can reach. The weight of your experience feels uniquely yours. You try to explain, but words fall short, tangled in emotions too raw to share.

No one tells you that some parts of healing require solitude. Facing those shadows alone doesn’t mean you’re abandoned. It means you have the strength to confront your pain, to hold the key to your own freedom. And that strength is something to be proud of.

The Body Remembers: Healing Beyond the Mind

Trauma doesn’t just live in your mind; it lives in your body. Tight shoulders. Shaking hands. A heart that races without reason. Even when your mind begins to heal, your body holds onto the fear.

No one tells you how important it is to reconnect with your physical self. Breathing exercises. Gentle touch. Placing a hand over your heart and whispering, “You’re safe now.” These small acts remind your body that the danger has passed. Healing isn’t just mental; it’s physical, too.

Finding Joy in Small Wins: The Building Blocks of Healing

In the chaos of recovery, we crave big milestones—the day the nightmares stop, the moment fear disappears. But healing is built on smaller victories. The first genuine laugh. A night of uninterrupted sleep. A moment of calm in a place that once triggered panic.

No one tells you to celebrate these wins, but they matter. They’re proof that healing is happening, even when it feels invisible. Each small victory is a brick in the foundation of your recovery. These moments are the real markers of progress. Celebrate them. You’ve earned it.

Growth and Grief: Rising Stronger Through the Pain

Recovering from trauma is a paradox. You grow, but you also grieve. You mourn the person you were before the trauma. You grieve the time lost, the innocence stolen, the parts of you that may never be the same.

But from that grief, something new emerges. Resilience. Strength. Wisdom. The person who walks out of the maze isn’t the same as the one who entered it. And maybe that’s okay. Maybe the goal isn’t to return to who you were, but to embrace who you’ve become—stronger, wiser, and braver than you ever imagined.

Walking Together Through the Maze: You Are Not Alone

If there’s one truth to hold onto, it’s this: You are not alone. The maze feels isolating, but there are others walking their own labyrinths of healing. Their paths may be different, but the struggle, the hope, and the determination are the same.

Trauma may have been the storm, but healing is the rebuilding. It’s messy, exhausting, and sometimes it feels endless. But brick by brick, moment by moment, you’re creating a new foundation—one that is stronger, wiser, and capable of holding a hopeful future.

You are healing. You are growing. And no matter how long the journey takes, that is enough.

Stay strong, stay honest, and keep walking through the maze. You’ve got this.

Corey Welch

Author | Mental Health Advocate

#TraumaRecovery, #HealingJourney, #MentalHealthAwareness, #SurvivingTrauma, #PTSD, #MentalHealthMatters, #Resilience, #SelfHealing, #EmotionalWellbeing, #InvisibleWounds, #YouAreNotAlone, #GrowthThroughGrief, #HealingIsNotLinear, #RecoverySupport, #StrengthInStruggle, #HopeAndHealing, #MentalHealthCommunity, #PersonalGrowth, #ReclaimYourLife, #HealingFromWithin