Nightmares

I am a Survivor Of Suicide. My experiences with this growing epidemic began in 1994 when my 28 year Brother Brian killed himself. I will forever be haunted by the Trauma this caused my entire family but most of all I will never forget the dead look in my Mothers eyes nor the hopelessness in my Dad after he my Brother suicide. My Dad drank the rest of his life away and died two years after Brian died and my Mother cried about Brian and the way he died til the last days of her life. Than Suicide knocked on my door again in 1999 my husband of 15 years took his own life. That was Chronic PTSD for me and I still have nightmares it's too real still at times. Once again in 2015 Suicide knocked it's dark head on my door once again. My Sister Chrissy who was 40 years old took her own life. My mind was reeling in shock and despair. You see with Suicide loss the questions and guilt and regrets are all too permanent with me. I was planning on going to stay with her because I was so very worried about everything that was going on in her life. She told me NO I won't be good company so I didn't make the trip to Florida to be with her and than two weeks later when two police officers arrived on my doorstep one night looking they said for my Mother because they needed to speak with her immediately. After I asked why I than found out that my Sister killed herself the previous two nights prior. Once more I saw more life drain from my Mothers heart and soul..... Thsn in 2025 Suicide once again reared it's ugly, dark head and ny Nephew Bradley shot himself after untreated Schizophrenia and lack of support from the loved ones he asked to get him help so that the voices would go away. Bradley will Always be Forever 18. Than 4 months later my other 22 year old Nephew Matt shot himself. Also a victim of Mental Health Issues with Addiction... I am myself a person with Treatment Resistant Major Depression and PTSD and Chronic Panic Attacks. I want to learn more about my diagnosis and treatments to overcome these conditions because medications do not work. Its painful to live with these demons especially Depression but I want to heal and finally feel a sense of at least feeling contentment and some joy. My heart is full of everlasting love for all my loved ones that Myself and my family lost to Suicide... It is my honor to honor them. Love Lives On.. . Sincerely, Kelly Marie Barry.

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I just had a freaking creepy nightmare and now I’m hesitant to go back to sleep. I wish sleep wasn’t a necessity. I feel like wanting to die.

I just upped my sleep medication to 2 pills instead of one right now because I’m so fucking tired of this. If this doesn’t work, perhaps I really should end my life. I can’t take anymore of this. The stress dreams have been way too fucking constant lately, and we have yet found out exactly why. Even I’ve gotten over my stressors at times and many days have been great, yet I still get them. It wasn’t like this before!!! 😢😡

Also, I really wish that there was a dark mode for the Mighty app. I’m a big dark mode user and I often have to dim my screen to the lowest brightness setting just to write on here. Just a feature suggestion!

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #AutismSpectrum #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #OSTD #OtherSpecifiedTraumaDisorder #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #Trauma #StressDreams #dreams #Nightmares

When I'm nervous and especially at night I grind my teeth way too much. I can't do a mouth guard, I'm really sensitive to things being in my mouth, but I can't find anything to help. It's worst at night, I have nightmares that cause this. Does anyone know of anything that could help???

Music has always been a big part of my life. It's not just that I enjoy it, which I do, but it's also been extremely helpful and therapeutic for me. Music helps me cope with my emotions. It helps me to feel like I'm not alone in my pain.

I can't count the number of times that a song has helped me to feel seen or gotten me through a really difficult time in my life. As I got older I didn't just listen, I started to write songs too. Today I wanted to share a song I made recently about struggles with insomnia, nightmares, intrusive thoughts, and grief. I put up a lyric video that you can watch on YouTube.

www.youtube.com/watch

I don't expect I'll ever be rich or famous. I only hope that it might help someone in the same way that others have helped me throughout the years. What kind of music, artists, albums, or songs have helped you in the past?

I'm not crying all day and sleeping all day every day anymore. Instead the hurt has become something more quiet. Instead I just don’t function. I can't get my sleep schedule under control. Staying asleep is very difficult because I am woken up by terrible nightmares and if I manage to get back to sleep the nightmares just pick up where they left off. Even getting to sleep takes forever because of all the intrusive thoughts and the feelings that they bring with them.

Awake or asleep, I don't know what's worse. There is no escape from these feelings even when I am unconscious. I can't get myself to make simple phone calls to work on my disability paperwork. I don’t really accomplish anything despite having a lot of things that I need to do.

I do still cry sometimes. I do still break down a decent bit. It's just more internal now, harder for others to notice. I've been having a very hard time with things the past several days. The suicidal ideations have been much more frequent than usual. I guess I just wanted to vent some.

IVE BEEN DEALING WITH CPTSD FOR 23 YEARS NOW. THE FLASHBACKS, NIGHTMARES, FIGHT OR FLIGHT, ISOLATION, ANXIETY, APATHY, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND BAKER ACTED 3 TIMES. I HAVE BEEN DOING EMDR THERAPY FOR A FEW MONTHS NOW AND THAT HAS SEEMED TO BE THE BEST FORM OF THERAPY FOR ME. BUT I STILL HAVE TIMES WHERE IM SO DEPRESSED I CANT SEEM TO GET OUT OF IT. I WORRY ABOUT MY 4 ADULT CHILDREN ALL THE TIME. ESPECIALLY ABOUT MY 27 YEAR OLD SON WHO HAS PTSD FROM BEING IN PRISON 3 YEARS. I GOT MARRIED AT 16 AND IM NOW 52 AND STILL MARRIED BUT I FEEL TERRIBLE FOR MY HUSBAND AS HOW I FEEL AFFECTS HIM. SOMETIMES I WISH I COULD JUST GO TO SLEEP AND NOT WAKE UP....

Hi, I'm new to the mighty, just thought it'd be cool to talk some things out online. I've kind of always pushed this out of my mind, but more recently I've been trying to work through it. So, when I was like six, I was raped by a woman. (I'm female). A lot of people are going to think this is not possible, but yes, according to my state's laws, it was rape. It was a horrible experience, don't want to go into it too much, but flash forward a few years I was molested. This time it was someone who was only a few years older than me, so again this also feels really invalid. ANYWAY, no one, I mean NO ONE knows about this, I don't plan on telling anyone. But I've been having issues that are related to the experiences. I've been dissociating since I was around twelve, it always has really scared me, you know the drill. I have flashbacks to both experiences on a regular basis, I feel like I'm being held down and raped in real time. I'm a really internalized person, so I don't think it's really visible to other people when I'm in the past, but it's pretty bad. This week I had a flashback at work in front of a co-worker, and I almost started crying and he noticed I was upset. It was embarrassing but he was really sweet and made sure I was ok. I also have nightmares, not about exactly what happened, but like it's people I trust who are doing bad things to me like what happened when I was a kid. I have these huge emotion attacks (idk if that's a thing), when the air smells like it did in that situation, or like I see something that reminds me of it. I get really sad and upset and feel REALLY physically bad. I've also never been physically attracted to anyone, not even a little crush. And, I wouldn't say I have low self-esteem, because I usually don't mind my own company, but I'm just resigned to the fact that no one is going to ever really like me because I'm annoying and weird. I've never really had female friends that I trusted at all, they scare me, so I only hang out with guys at this point. I dress down and try not to look pretty or wear makeup, and I can't bring myself to wear feminine clothes, even though I sometimes want to. All this to say, I never considered that I might have something along the lines of PTSD, but a good friend of mine has it and she has a lot of the same traits as me and idk, but my research has led me to the conclusion that it could be a possibility. Just thought I'd ask people with PTSD about their opinion.

> I had a really good childhood other than those things, so I feel like I'm overreacting about this stuff, but it really is painful and scary, and it's been too many years for this to still be affecting me.

>When I think about it too much it feels almost ok and normal and "not that bad", but I don't want it to feel like that because I don't want to be in a bad situation in the future.

>I'm sorry if this sounds like trauma bragging or something like that, I don't mean to be one of those poor traumatized girls who whines about all my problems, I just wanted to know if this could be something like PTSD.

>I can't go to therapy, due to finances and circumstances, so it isn't really an option. I'm hoping that in a few years it'll be possible, but whatever.

>I'm really really sorry for going on like that, if you read the whole thing I have deep respect for you.

>Thanks

Fingernails scraping at coffin walls

Clawing

Breathless

Trying to tell someone I’m still down here

Liquor burning my throat

Numbing the body for the morgue

For when they tear me apart

Tears of blood spill

When I’m worrying alone

A thin string in the dark

I follow it

It leads me off a cliff

Choices that feel holy

Turn out to be the Devil’s whispers

I say I’m okay

But I don’t know what okay means

Smiling while everything feels wrong

Crying when everything is fine

Feeding on chaos

Wondering why it’s always taken away

Life in my hands

Mind floating somewhere above the clouds

Lullabies drift through the air

But they’re sirens by the pond

Pleasant dreams fracture into nightmares

The succubus touches me

The sun disappears

Night cascades over

And my home is revealed

I see the future

My carcass rotting

Vultures tearing at it

Drowning in regret

Wishing to vanish

But death won’t take me

They always send me back

Hi, my name is RustyHam. I [M24] have had a past memory that has come back up of my older brother [M27], SAing me. At the time of the memory I was roughly 5-7 years old, but it is difficult for me to find an exact time frame, all I know is that I was too young to understand what was happening. All I recall is that I was coerced into giving him oral. I do not remember what happened before or after, all I recall is that we were in our shared bathroom, with one of us getting ready to shower.
This memory has popped up in my mind throughout the years, but I never really thought about it and assumed it was just a disturbing dream or something I had made up. Recently, I also realized that I had been SA'd in one of my past relationships, which inevitably caused me to fixate on this memory that is now haunting me. I haven't told anyone about this memory and I feel like I am losing my mind. I can't tell if it was some messed up dream or a traumatic experience that my body is trying to reject or disassociate from. For over 10 years I have had vivid, reoccurring nightmares and constantly have intense sleep sweats that drench my bed. Is this my body trying to tell me something about this experience?
My brother is also getting married at the end of this year and asked me to be a groomsman. I do love my brother and want to be apart of this special occasion, but I this memory has made me reluctant to even be apart of it. I do not plan on telling anyone in my family soon as I fear that no one would believe me or that I may be seen as crazy. Seeing pictures of him or even thinking about the memory has brought anxiety attacks and caused me to break down crying.
I am not sure how to digest this memory and how to approach it further without damaging any relationships. This memory heavily affects me but I oftentimes tell myself that I am lying, made it up, or dreamt of it. I feel like I am losing it and I fear that this may affect me in the long run. How do I begin to heal from this even though I am not sure if it happened or not?

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #Trauma