Nsfw

I hear like others are communicating with me like I hear them when they not here like there thoughts or like they are Visiting me at a cemetery, I notice my ears clog it’s like some stops me from hearing them so they can listen to what their saying and go pretend to be me so I don’t get any help getting out of here it’s such an awful feeling thinking that an the fact that I hear it bothers. I also feel that I have lost the credit I earned while working when I started studying how to earn on the stock market . It’s like then ones teaching would us my past work to trade stock and cause I’m not ready they took what I had permission to trade with and it caused my ears to unclog when they used it all up that’s when I started hearing what’s in front of me again , another awful thought . I remember last summer my first time participating in a one click reversal while trading stock I was alone where I live and was getting instructions from the professor 🧑‍🏫.
Well when I was told to do the reversal something or someone came up been and I felt them I froze looking at the screen and suddenly I new what I was doing so I sold there staring at the screen until the numbers went up then I snapped out of it and pressed the reversal button. It was to late I lost close to all I had . And shortly after that I was walking through the house 🏠 and I heard voices like in the distance soft an low but around me saying it’s your fault we lost a lot of money . Then I felt punches on my face there was no one there but my head snapped back then I felt one on the other side and then on the back of my head they were coming from all around and my head was bouncing around . They didn’t stop I walked out of that room to another room and they stoped the next day I heard someone say that they didn’t stop punching until I was blind but that they did not kill me . And to me I often read things and later the words change or I count and the numbers change . I sometimes hear people near around me like in spirt soft an low but there . I have felt like I’m being touched but there no one there but me . It’s scary 🫣. And I don’t know how to deal with it . So I try and listen sometimes but I forget and stop paying attention then I notice someone whispering or talking real low it often appears that they are telling me what to do so I can help myself and them it’s so weird . The reason I say these things is because I like a decade or more ago was standing at the door way talking to me children and I felt what seemed like a dildo shaped object go up my butt in and out . I spun around and there was no one there but I felt it . So i believe what I hear is real idk what to do nor how to better myself so I can deal with it .
Does anyone experience this or has ? What’s your opinion? Almost forgot to mention the reason I froze was because a few years before that happened I was jumped from the back someone wrapped their arms around my neck in a sleeper hold like in wwf the wrestling show and I pasted out went down on my knees on the cement floor with that person on me , ruptured disks in my back and I now live with chronic pain it use to be severe chronic pain until I got a procedure down that helped ease it and that’s why I got scared and froze when I felt something or someone come right up behind me it was like they were peeking over my shoulder to see it . And now after all that It made me wonder what those people on social media mean when they say they make money by copying bets on the stock market.
#Depression #PTSD #Nsfw #Trauma #MentalIllness #ChronicPain

I vent to a doctor like ten years ago I had been clean of drug use for a few years not sure how many but I told them I need help and that I wanted to get off drugs and this was a councilor who sent me up the latter I saw an told my story to four - five people until I was offered medication which I refused i again told them I had stopped using and was seeking help so I could stay drug free even if it was for awhile . Okay now today I use opiates and smoke mmj . I suffer from a few mental illnesses and I suffer from chronic pain so life is harsh sometimes for me so please excuse my awful writing skills, sorry oh the point now I’m using again and I like it because it hides my physical and mental pain from me and I like that feeling but I want to learn to do it without getting high just by taking medication however lately I been taking my pain meds and then cannabis an hour later it takes all my pains away but it’s not properly using my meds it’s called getting high and I started all this to stop getting high cause I no longer want to run from my problems #ChronicPain #MentalHealth #Nsfw

I am troubled by what I do to feel better sometimes I don’t know if this is okay to post if not please report and have it removed.
I like masterbate sometimes I don’t for a month or so then I do for a few days up to a week straight and more the once a day , I’m ashamed that I do this but yet when I feel like it I don’t seem to care of remember the guilt or shame I feel afterwards . I’m in my forty’s which makes me fell even worse I have had sex with an actual person but this was as a teen till till like twenty after that I had one encounter and have been solo with it since I think my mental illnesses have a lot to do with this .
I do got to ask is this commen ? What’s your opinion an what’s a good way to find someone to share this with ? #Nsfw #deppression #ChronicPain #PTSD #trama #MentalIllness

Everyone is looking at my recent scars... god I hate this! I’m feeling guilty...

I self harmed... it was like there wasn’t enough scars on my wrist... like I didn’t see them... horrible

I used a blade... I’m a horrible person...

My life is so futile, so empty. In the past I thought about death, suicide. I hate everything in my life, I don’t see any light... I’m drowning.
I feel like I don’t deserve anything good in this life, I’m so alone.
I don’t feel loved by my family, I don’t feel supported...
I want to cry until I disappear... #Suicide #SuicideOnTheBrain #Nsfw