Trying to Keep it Together #struggling #Trauma
Ever have a day, week or month where you feel like the world is against you? That’s where I’m at now. I’m severely depressed and just want to block out the world. My symptoms seem to be getting worse. Psychosis is looming on the horizon. That’s what has me anxious. I just want to be healed from the trauma I survived. I’m tired of drowning in shame. My emotions are all over the place lately. I just want to be happy and healthy and while I know there is no magical pill to make my past and pain go away, I wish there was. I have a support system and mental health support but when I’m alone with my thoughts that’s when things get bad. I have a list of therapy skills I could use but those go out the window when I’m upset. I just wish I could have it together. I took a few days off from work to relax but I’m still depressed. I know I have to keep it together for everyone else but I often wonder about how people would react if they knew everything. Disclosure of abuse is a gamble, at least in my experience. I’ve gotten bad reactions and good ones. Sometimes I think it’s better to keep it to myself. I don’t like dumping on people it just makes me feel bad. Besides there’s not much they can do anyway. It’s in the past and yet I feel like the past is following me around. Until this triggering event is over, I have to deal with all this. I’m just tired and have hit a wall I guess. I know it will pass but I’m really struggling right now.