SOS

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    I have munchausen by proxy. #MunchausenSyndrome #help #SOS #Anxiety #MentalHealth #ChildAbuse

    My #mother has munchausen. My grandma has it too as well as my aunt who lives with her and i’m currently living in the same home as my grandmother and aunt (with her daughter as well who i also suspect has it so much worse). I am terrified they will kill me due to stress so I’m writing this just in case I don’t make it out, but I’m confident I will i’m just terrified. I’m 26 https://y.o and have been being abused my entire life. I have no friends, no one I can talk to. My mom turned my brothers against me and my entire family acts as if they hate me and I don’t have time to figure out who really does or who doesn’t. I got diagnosed with bipolar 2 as u can see per my last posts. It’s been a long time since I posted anything because I’ve been trying to figure out what’s going on with me. I also feel guilty, like I conspired with my mother to trick people, but truth be told I had no clue what I was doing. Certain things people have said to me have stuck with me over the years such as “u have no clue what ur doing do u?” and I absolutely did not. I don’t have much street smarts and I have a mother who was unfortunately raised by the streets and abused as a child as well. She also has a husband, R*y, who enables/brainwashed her entirely to the point where I don’t even think she’s realized how far gone she is. I’m terrified my family will harm me because I’m done playing their game. I’m going to move without letting anyone know and I’m going to go get real help. Im tired, drained, depleted and only by Gods grace am I still breathing and I know that. I walked around for the past 2 years thinking I was something I was not (bipolar), making a fool of myself. I genuinely believed there was a reason I had no one, but I had to be real with myself and say that I genuinely believe I exaggerated my symptoms and that was because I just wanted to KNOW something. I just knew there was an explanation for my behavior and I just KNEW my family wanted what was best for me... But as I started to actually listen to the universe (as cliche as that sounds) I realized there is no way I can be bipolar. I’ve been being played by everyone around me. I have never been a violent person in my life (correct me if i’m wrong pls, I don’t want to offend) nor did I ever have any real delusions like I was Queen or anything bc thank God my mother didn’t have to feign that illness for me. Thank God for my heart and self awareness; I truly thank God because without it I would be lost forever. My body knows something is wrong. I’m terrified of the slightest noise, laughs etc. and it’s all because of my family. When I am feeling really really low and I do mean suicidal, my family will “throw me a bone”. The other day my aunt said something about prejudice people after a man almost made me cry in a parking lot the other day and I instantly thought ? She was reffering to me being gay which I am not, which let me know she’s in on it too. I’m writing this because if ANYTHING happens to me, it was them

    Post

    #Depression My husband is not supportive, he is worse.

    I've battled trauma, Multiple Sclerosis and all the pain and worry that goes with it, mental health etc my entire life. My husband makes fun of me bc I'm on medication. He makes me feel so small everyday. He doesn't understand bc I look normal. He has never been to a doctor's appointment with me. I have imagining and proof. He calls me mammaw and I'm 35. I am beginning to hate him and starting to plot my way out. With covid around this is much harder. The fact I have zero money, everything is in his name and I don’t have a full time job. I do deliveries when I feel well but with Covid-19 being at it's worst it isn't worth it right now. I have a senior in high school to be a role model for. I honestly don't think he will ever understand and even more of a punch in the gut is, he probably doesn't care to understand. I put my life on the back burner for my daughter and needed to survive. I don't want to just survive anymore because it is killing me. #whatdoido #SOS #Divorce ?

    Post

    #Depression My husband is not supportive, he is worse.

    I've battled trauma, Multiple Sclerosis and all the pain and worry that goes with it, mental health etc my entire life. My husband makes fun of me bc I'm on medication. He makes me feel so small everyday. He doesn't understand bc I look normal. He has never been to a doctor's appointment with me. I have imagining and proof. He calls me mammaw and I'm 35. I am beginning to hate him and starting to plot my way out. With covid around this is much harder. The fact I have zero money, everything is in his name and I don’t have a full time job. I do deliveries when I feel well but with Covid-19 being at it's worst it isn't worth it right now. I have a senior in high school to be a role model for. I honestly don't think he will ever understand and even more of a punch in the gut is, he probably doesn't care to understand. I put my life on the back burner for my daughter and needed to survive. I don't want to just survive anymore because it is killing me. #whatdoido #SOS #Divorce ?

    Post

    Relationships

    Since having a chronic illness and disability, 3 things (amongst hundreds of others) ... I've found I'm massively struggling with are... 1 Starting new relationships. 2 Maintaining a relationship. 3 Walking away from a relationship... Not only are there new physical barriers, there are new mental barriers, and there's no way you see them coming until you're up to your neck in them. #Relationships #ChronicIllness #Disabilities #MentalHealth #lifechanged #physicalchanges #emotionalchanges #spiritualchanges #SOS #struggles #PTSD #CPTSD #FND #Fibromyalgia #CFS #Anxiety

    Question

    Munchausens by proxy help me ? #MunchausenSyndrome #BipolarDisorder

    After being away from my parents for a while I realize I have absolutely never had bipolar, but munchausens by proxy. I’ve ignored TOO many fucking signs because the more I notice it the more I have to try to hide the fact that I notice it because where am I going to go? I’m 25 just moving back in with my parents after they jumped me & I called police and they blatantly LIED to the police just like my aunt and grandmas who also perpetuate my symptoms. My mother has gaslighted me my entire life. About a year ago I caught her. We were at a hotel due to a power outage & one of her ways of “training” me is to bang on walls. She banged on my door @ the hotel, i texted her & asked was it her after seeing her through the peephole she blatantly ducking lied to me. All this time I thought I was ill and hearing thing- showing what was perceived to be OCD, Schizophrenia and bipolar, but what i really think is a horrific case of anxiety. She bangs on my walls on a schedule, flushes the toilets on a schedule, screams, berates me, knocks on my door on a specific schedule everyday. Lately because she’s noticing changes in me she’s been trying to kick me out and has succeeded multiple times, but due to lack of finances had to come back repeatedly. But having left after being jumped by my parents not once but twice. The police belittled me when I called the last time and I’m terrified they’re gonna try to kill me honestly. #SOS #BipolarDisorder #SchizophreniaSpectrumPsychoticDisorders #OtherMentalHealth #MentalHealth #MunchausenSyndrome

    Question

    I finally feel “good” after a one year battle with mania and then the depression. It’s scary because I feel like maybe it’s another manic episode🤷🏻‍♀️

    #Bipolar1Disorder #help #SOS #Mania #amiallowedtofeelnormal

    Question

    How do you manage Lyme symptoms ? How do you get diagnosed?

    Where I live is a pretty much middle of no where place in New York. And finding anything to help me is impossible. Nobody believes how bad this is and how desperately I need to find proper treatment . #LymeDisease #LymeWars #SOS #help #Defeated

    Post

    going back to work

    landed my first full time job in almost 5 years and already having anxiety about dr appts for meds and missing work. #MentalHealth #SOS #Anxiety #Bipolar1 #GeneralAnxietyDisorder

    Question

    what stops you from taking the leap? #SOS #Depression #Anxiety #PTSD #BipolarDiorder

    i’ve been in the worst possible mental state for the past few days.
    hasn’t been this bad for the past 3 years.
    i crave for my death so badly, i can vividly imagine how i want it to end and how it will feel. it’s a battle and it’s all in my head.

    Post

    Lawyers, #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder Lies, and #Fibromyalgia

    I need prayers, spells, positive energy sent my way for tomorrow. My ExNarcissitic husband sent me a certified letter in May saying he was giving me a 30 day notice to move our daughter out of state, 6hrs away. I immediately txt him saying he does not have my permission to move her out of state. Through a friend, I was in contact with a lawyer that sent a letter on my behalf also stating that he has no right to take her out of state.
    Now comes the retaliation.
    He is suing me for $23,300 in unpaid child support along with interest, court and legal fees.
    This is where I suck. I confided in my ExN that I have Fibromyalgia. He already new I get chronic migraines. I asked 3 years ago to go to court to reduce or pause child support payments. My ExN said not to worry. Given my severity of pain I was desperate to believe in something simple would finally come out of him. His lawyer did a circuit court search that showed no payments. Of course it shows no payments! It is in our custody agreement that I would make payments directly to him because I am a waitress. I paid him in cash. Recorded some on paper. He is stating I never paid anything. Lies.
    Because I will not agree to my daughter moving 6 hours away he is running me through the ringer. Stress triggers my Fibromyalgia which means my health to fall.
    My eyes are so heavy it is hard to write this. My brain fog is roaring in, so I am hoping this makes sense. I fear that the judge will be swayed by his fake charisma. My daughter is 14. I am telling her the truth because I know she will eventually be called into question when it comes to the custody portion. He has told her he was not suing me ,but the court was. Even after showing her the names and documents, she said her dad said it was the court. Brain washed. More lies.
    After so many burns, I am scared justice and the truth won’t prevail. When will I not be a victim of his bullying behavior? These lies carry serious consequences. My license, my house. I pray for the judges favor, my daughter, and my health. Please. I hope this grammatically correct and able to read. #SOS #scared #Anxiety #Depression #NeedSupport #CheckInWithMe