Nsfw

I vent to a doctor like ten years ago I had been clean of drug use for a few years not sure how many but I told them I need help and that I wanted to get off drugs and this was a councilor who sent me up the latter I saw an told my story to four - five people until I was offered medication which I refused i again told them I had stopped using and was seeking help so I could stay drug free even if it was for awhile . Okay now today I use opiates and smoke mmj . I suffer from a few mental illnesses and I suffer from chronic pain so life is harsh sometimes for me so please excuse my awful writing skills, sorry oh the point now I’m using again and I like it because it hides my physical and mental pain from me and I like that feeling but I want to learn to do it without getting high just by taking medication however lately I been taking my pain meds and then cannabis an hour later it takes all my pains away but it’s not properly using my meds it’s called getting high and I started all this to stop getting high cause I no longer want to run from my problems #ChronicPain #MentalHealth #Nsfw

I am troubled by what I do to feel better sometimes I don’t know if this is okay to post if not please report and have it removed.
I like masterbate sometimes I don’t for a month or so then I do for a few days up to a week straight and more the once a day , I’m ashamed that I do this but yet when I feel like it I don’t seem to care of remember the guilt or shame I feel afterwards . I’m in my forty’s which makes me fell even worse I have had sex with an actual person but this was as a teen till till like twenty after that I had one encounter and have been solo with it since I think my mental illnesses have a lot to do with this .
I do got to ask is this commen ? What’s your opinion an what’s a good way to find someone to share this with ? #Nsfw #deppression #ChronicPain #PTSD #trama #MentalIllness

Everyone is looking at my recent scars... god I hate this! I’m feeling guilty...

I self harmed... it was like there wasn’t enough scars on my wrist... like I didn’t see them... horrible

I used a blade... I’m a horrible person...

My life is so futile, so empty. In the past I thought about death, suicide. I hate everything in my life, I don’t see any light... I’m drowning.
I feel like I don’t deserve anything good in this life, I’m so alone.
I don’t feel loved by my family, I don’t feel supported...
I want to cry until I disappear... #Suicide #SuicideOnTheBrain #Nsfw