Overthink

I am tiffany from Brunei but born at Canada. I got no one to speak with. I cannot sleep. Here I only see pyschiatrist. I don’t know and never have sex. I am 30 years old.

Hello everyone, this is my first thought and a little about myself. I am an introvert with OCD..now I think about it, I am an introvert because of my OCD

I tend to be alone and lost in my world of thoughts and many times intrusive thoughts come to my mind and I think about it deeply..which leads to no good most of the time. I observe and think about the little things that are really not worthy and relevant.

Social media gives me #Anxiety , I tend to be on/off from SM after 2-3 months on it, IG is the worst..I get exhausted to even look at people stories and what they are doing..I hardly post anything on SM except memes.I get exhausted to chat with people on whatsapp even, I am off the grid right now, it's been 2 weeks. And in this tough time of covid, all the updates on SM or anywhere are about death or someone hospitalised..which really is just depressing, I am not aware of the news going around me for two weeks now which is really helpful for me mentally..but I feel like being selfish as people are crying for help right now everywhere and i am off the grid, not trying to even see who's suffering or not, if someone reaches out to me directly I try to help as much as possible but still I think it is a bit negative response from my side.

Though I am a positive person and helpful for my close ones, I do not have many friends, I don't have anyone who checks up on me. I am 23, I have never had a relationship till now because of my introversion.

I do not like to be with much people, I just want to be alone most of the time which now is really bothering me..because I #Overthink way too much, sometimes I have anxiety for no reason which cripples me inside..and

I have to deal with it on my own. I am really trying to fix myself, and not be in my own mind, I like to think about the past..which is very irrelevant (living in nostalgia), I am hardly present in present, I tend to go over the conversations with anyone and think about what I said or what other person said, and this gets me anxious way too much and I try to find a mistake or something negative I said and then I apologize for it multiple times for no reason.

Any help or suggestion for me would be helpful, thankyou!

I’ve been unemployed for around 7 months now. I don’t have any physical health issues (thankfully) besides a weak back, which gets better when I strengthen it. I struggle with #ADHD #Anxiety #Depression #PTSD & #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder and I am having a hard time finding work. I have my cosmetology license so if I wanted to, I could easily work in a salon. But I don’t like cosmetology work anymore. A part of me knows I don’t enjoy it because of depression, but after I graduated school I just didn’t have the same passion I used to have. For a while I have just been doing bridal up-do’s & makeup. I worked for Sephora for a while. I have so many different issues involving work. A part of it is how I was raised; my childhood was dreamlike & very easy..... which makes me struggle as an adult now because I don’t know how to do anything without help or outside motivation. I feel #Lazy and over privileged. I always #Overthink about everything. If it wasn’t for my boyfriend I wouldn’t have the apartment I’m living in. If it weren’t for my parents I’d have no income. I am literally wasting my days away as a 23 year old. Some days I get by, I do my laundry & the dishes. I seem like a “normal” adult. But other days I wake up at 9, fall back asleep around 12 and then sleep until 4.... then I get up & try to distract myself with something until I can go to sleep again. My therapist said I’m living stagnant & I need to do something or else I’ll end up back home living with my parents. Which is truly a blessing because I know I’ll always have a home. Just feeling so worthless. Tonight my best friend told me it’s time to get a job & to “suck it up”. I agree with her. But I also get upset thinking “you have no idea what I deal with day to day”......... or am I just being a big baby? I think I’m a bit of both. I hate being like this I hate living like this; I truly hate myself 90% of the time. And the worst thing is; I don’t do anything to change. I don’t care, I don’t want to. I don’t want to put in the work. On the rare days I do put in work, I normally feel a little bit better but still, not like I’m really happy. Anyone else feel this way?

I often feel like I'm always being needy with attention. It's not like I didn't get any attention when I was a child, maybe I just got used to it and it makes me sad whenever I am being ignored. Every single thing upsets me and I think this is because of my depression and anxiety.

It makes me upset when I see my best friend online but is not calling me on FaceTime.

It makes me upset when a person who I often talk to suddenly tells me to go out of the house and have fun. It feels like he/she is pushing me away and is tired of me.

It makes me upset whenever I get a late response to people with whom I immediately respond once they send me a message.

It makes me upset when people make fun of my depression and anxiety. That I won't be able to handle things because I get anxious with every little thing around me.

It makes me upset when people joke about suicide or when they joke about me to just kill myself.

It makes me upset that it's so hard to explain everything to everyone, including my shrink.

It makes me upset that the people who did me wrong are still living and are all okay mentally. When here I am, suffering from every single memory that I have.

It makes me upset that I am very forgetful and that there are a lot of things that I can't remember, yet I can remember every single bad thing that had happened to me.

It makes me upset when a relative or a family member talk about mental illness, how in their generation, everyone was happy and well. That mental illness is a made up thing by shrinks to earn money and for pharmaceuticals to earn. That shrinks only prescribe medications just so people who are suffering from will be relying on these meds.

It makes me upset that I am often sad and upset. That I am still alive when I was told that I don't even have a future.

It makes me upset that I feel like crying while typing this. That I can't still control my emotions 100%. #Overthink #overthinking #mythoughts

Does anyone else #catastrophize ? I tend to #Overthink and catastrophize everything.

I saw a meeting request in my bosses calendar that immediately sent me to the bathroom with a bad tummy. They want to discuss merging the Marketing Coordinator roles - of which I'm one.  We've recently merged with another marketing team in the same company.

The meeting was scheduled for last week but has now been scheduled for this coming week so ya; great long weekend for me worrying about work...

I won't bore you with the details but suffice to say, all I can think about is losing my job, being out of work so long that we will have to sell our house, having to move in with my parents, losing everything...UGH.

I'm trying not to think about it but alas....
#Anxiety sucks #Stress #Depression