Join the Conversation on
385 people
0 stories
26 posts
  • Explore Our Newsletters
  • What's New in

    A day to recharge- but why do I feel guilty?

    Today I spent the day in bed. Didn’t talk much on the phone. Scrolled through emails, and desperately searched the internet for some info on why it’s ok to stay in bed the entire day. I didn’t find much about it, I found many things talking about why people stay in bed and it seems they are normally depressed. Although I do suffer from extreme anxiety and depression, I don’t think that’s it. Not today anyway. There has been many a day where I spent days in bed when my son was with his dad just because I didn’t feel like being part of the world. But now I do it probably once a week. I feel like I need it. I work a lot. I have a studio and I also work from home whenever I can. I am single mom to an 11 year old boy which is exhausting in itself. I’ve had insomnia for the last 20 years and although I take meds, I can’t remember the last time I woke up feeling refreshed. So once a week, if my schedule allows for it- I stay in bed. Some weeks and not often I stay in bed 2 days. And then there are weeks that I don’t at all.
    I feel like I need to recharge and this is the only way my body can keep going- mentally and physically. I’ve spoken at length about it to my therapist over the last few years and she said some people work out, some people do drugs. Others lay in bed or sleep to recharge. But why do I feel like a useless, lazy piece of trash?! Anyone else? #sleepallday #recharge #Depression #Anxiety #Lazy #recharge

    11 reactions 7 comments

    Deep Thoughts on Laziness

    I came upon these thoughts as I was responding to someone else’s post, but I thought they might be worth a post of their own.

    I know the paralyzing fear of failure. Being overwhelmed knowing all the things that I “should” be doing, but somehow can’t bring myself to do. I’ve found that for myself it’s an avoidance of pain, both mental and physical. Pain is just a part of life, however, and somehow I need to figure out how to sit with that pain and realize that it’s not going to kill me, no matter how unpleasant it feels. Failure doesn’t feel good, but it’s a necessary step towards success. My atrophied muscles hurt like heck when I try to exercise them, but they can’t grow stronger without pain, and they can’t be without pain until they grow stronger. I’ve been stuck in the same rut for nearly 3 years, and the only solution I can come up with is the advice that has always made me the angriest: “Just do it. Suck it up. Pull yourself up by the bootstraps.” I’m thoroughly medicated, and I’m much more mentally stable, so it should be possible, now. I still don’t know how I’m going to motivate myself to make it happen, but nothing will change unless I do *something*. There’s no magic pill or combination of medications or supplements that can suddenly induce a sense of motivation, so I need to stop looking for one. It’s time for me to take responsibility for my own actions, even my inaction. It sucks, and it’s daunting, but it is what it is.


    1 reaction 8 comments
    See full photo

    Good Afternoon

    I hope all has a awesome good #positive day. Just stay calm and do the best you can do. Laugh & smile.

    I'M a little tired this today. Just feeling #Lazy #TheMighty #MightyTogether #Depression #Anxiety

    It's just a cloudy rainy type of depressing #fall day.


    Taking a little break and I feel GUILTY

    I just came back from vacation with my 10 year old. I think anyone would agree that vacationing alone with children is not super relaxing.

    It was a nice trip. Although we did have a boating accident and I’m not the best swimmer, so it was a bit traumatic. Saturday we stayed in, Sunday I was able to take him to the pool, monday I literally did nothing. Tuesday I mustered up strength to go to his baseball game. But I am so burnt out. I feel exhausted. I haven't worked much (I work for myself) and haven't opened my store.

    I spoke to my therapist and she said that it sounds like I need a break. So yesterday I called my sons dad and asked if he could keep him last night (I didn't even go to my son's game and I never miss them) and tonight. He agreed after giving me HELLLL.

    So here I am. Feeling guilty I am not working. That I am a terrible mom. Worthless. And I can't even take a break because my mind is filled with all these terrible thoughts. I feel like I need a vacation. Not sure from what...

    Anyone else ever feel like this??

    #Anxiety #Depression #Guilt #MomGuilt #workguilt #worthless #Lazy

    See full photo

    Okay It's a Pajama Day

    It is okay to have a pajama day. Some days just getting out of bed is a accomplishment in it self. Showering and changing to daytime clothes just seem too much work. So you go through the day in your Pajamas. Share your pajama day/morning story....#Men #Selfcare #Lazy

    See full photo

    Depression Is Not a Joke#Depression The key not being stuck in it.

    I feel so tired today. It's been a long weekend to me. It's such a monday. ha. But today was a quit day not having to do anything. A #MentalHealth day you could say. A lazy day. The weather is \/was mild today. I don't really fel like doing anything.Being #Lazy


    Just feeling a little #Lazy tonightl

    Today i just felt kind of lightheaded, I also felt a litle tired and lazy. I just felt like i didn't have any Energy./ A little dizzy.. Like off Balance. The weather doesn't help. Also today was a bit mild and dressing too warm doesn't help either, Well walking in the mall. #Depression

    1 comment
    See full photo

    Shower avoidance

    Today I cannot help but think of how hard I find it to shower and take proper care of my physical self on days and weeks when I have fallen into a funk. Sometimes it is just because I am too sad or lack the energy to bother. Other times, especially lately, I tell myself there is no point, I am not going anywhere. I can just sit here in my stink! Most of the time though, I get distracted. I tell myself that there are other things I want to do, and I will get around to it later that day. But then, it will be two days later, and I am itchy and greesy and in obvious need, and I STILL won't want to get clean. It is confusing for me because I LIKE to feel good about myself. I enjoy blow dried hair, and soft skin, and a face that doesn't look cared for. But I can't convince myself it is worth the energy. So I sit and play a game, or I write, or I play with my dog, or clean, or watch and scroll, or study, or organize. Sometimes I cook. Anything to avoid the physical care of myself.

    Eventually I will force myself in. I will give myself the 20-60 minutes it take me to shower and get dressed, and I WILL feel better. Great in fact. My energy will often be restored and I get a burst of motivation that drives me for the rest of the day.

    I don't understand why I resist that feeling so much. Why I convince myself that I should avoid making myself feel good. Especially when it really takes so little effort, and only a small amount of time. Is there a deeper underlying cause? Or am I just too lazy most days?

    #Shower #Selfcare #Lazy #Motivation #why #Depression #ADHD #ADHDInGirls

    Or maybe it is #COVID19 blues. Why dress up when you have nowhere to go?

    See full photo

    Grit, Determination, and Sharpie Markers

    Yesterday I was recovered from the Horrible Cat Vomit Storm of October 2021 and did well with my new checklist, but without the enthusiasm of Day One. Today I woke up so sore everything hurt, which was exhausting. I still got about half of my checklist items finished. All I cared about was getting rid of the pain. It was a 6 for me—so distracting it was hard to think. Plus my brother stressed me out by dropping clues that he plans to go looking abroad for his fake online boyfriend who I already proved is a scammer. He doesn’t care.

    So anyway, yeah. That really cranks up my depression/anxiety/fibromyalgia discomforts. And there’s even more stress that I just swallow daily, so my nest makes a lot of very compelling arguments for why that’s where I should be. I definitely self-medicate with apathy.

    But my wanting to break the apathy habit is also for me and my well-being, demmit. I have made my nest the center of my life now for three years!! I have been healing from trauma, sure, but I need more than this for myself. I have more that I want to do, so I am struggling through whatever it takes to reclaim my life—for ME! I don’t want to lose the ability to choose someday.

    I just have to keep trying as hard as it takes to make this Apathy Toolkit work better than helping me be productive only every other day. The Daily Checklist needs adjustments. Honestly, trying to shower every single day feels a bit out of reach for me right now. Heh. Just trying to keep it real for the good of the group. I figure that if I force myself to be honest for you then I’ll know I’m not just fooling myself.

    I revived an old habit of writing notes to myself in sharpie on my bathroom mirror (It easily comes off with rubbing alcohol or other non-abrasive solvent cleaner.) The picture I posted of it had to be on an angle so you could see the words. First a big red heart that my face appears inside when I stand in front of the sink. Near the bottom it says, “Don’t let apathy own you.” At the top is this: “Have you… -Brushed your teeth -Brushed your hair -Washed your face …today?”

    Tell me about your apathy.

    #apathy #Depression #lowenergy #Productivity #Success #crash #Fibromyalgia #ChronicDepression #Anxiety #tired #Caffeine #lighttherapy #DepressionSymptoms #DepressionNaps #MajorDepression #SeasonalDepression #Lazy #notlazy #nope #Emptiness #FibroFog #LifeLessons #LifelimitingIllness #getthingsdone #toolkit #apathetic #BipolarDisorder

    See full photo

    Apathy Won Last Week, But Next Week…?

    Yeah, so… oops! A week went by without much progress. I don’t even know why. All of the things I wanted to get done, it just… didn’t happen. When I realized I had been duped by apathy again I wanted to stick my tongue out at it in defiance. Then after I took my photo for this post and looked at it, I realized it was more like apathy was sticking it’s tongue out at me instead, from my own face. Ha. Joke’s on me.
    This struggle is real.
    I have a new week to try to push through it. Days are getting shorter so I have been faithful with my therapy lamp every morning for 30 minutes. I have my Mooji meditation to hold anxiety at bay. I’m eating well but still don’t get out to walk. It has been overcast for days, too, with actual rain today, but that shouldn’t stop me. But it does.
    This group is growing. That’s encouraging. Share your struggles with apathy. Giving voice to them is powerful. 🌻
    #apathy #ChronicDepression #Depression #DepressionSymptoms #DepressionNaps #MajorDepression #SeasonalDepression #Anxiety #Fibromyalgia #Lazy #nope #empty #Emptiness