Today I cannot help but think of how hard I find it to shower and take proper care of my physical self on days and weeks when I have fallen into a funk. Sometimes it is just because I am too sad or lack the energy to bother. Other times, especially lately, I tell myself there is no point, I am not going anywhere. I can just sit here in my stink! Most of the time though, I get distracted. I tell myself that there are other things I want to do, and I will get around to it later that day. But then, it will be two days later, and I am itchy and greesy and in obvious need, and I STILL won't want to get clean. It is confusing for me because I LIKE to feel good about myself. I enjoy blow dried hair, and soft skin, and a face that doesn't look cared for. But I can't convince myself it is worth the energy. So I sit and play a game, or I write, or I play with my dog, or clean, or watch and scroll, or study, or organize. Sometimes I cook. Anything to avoid the physical care of myself.
Eventually I will force myself in. I will give myself the 20-60 minutes it take me to shower and get dressed, and I WILL feel better. Great in fact. My energy will often be restored and I get a burst of motivation that drives me for the rest of the day.
I don't understand why I resist that feeling so much. Why I convince myself that I should avoid making myself feel good. Especially when it really takes so little effort, and only a small amount of time. Is there a deeper underlying cause? Or am I just too lazy most days?
#Shower #Selfcare #Lazy #Motivation #why #Depression #ADHD #ADHDInGirls
Or maybe it is #COVID19 blues. Why dress up when you have nowhere to go?