Lazy

Today as in most days I slept till 11.30, took my meds and came down the stairs, took up residence in the indented corner of my sofa and have stayed in the same position all day other than doing a couple of tasks around the house, I know I’m pacing because I’m going to an event tomorrow but feel so lazy, I have to pace for 2-3 days to enjoy 4 hours out, and then I’ll be recovering for a couple of days after, is it really worth it?

I have had very low to low normal BP with high normal HR for as long as I can remember. So I am very aware when I change positions, to hang onto something and do it slowly. I am on a 5 month migraine bender with way way worse lightheadedness, than normal and severely erratic BP and HR levels, so I did a bit of research and intracranial pressure kept coming up. If I have it, a lot of screwy symptoms would make sense.
If anyone has any advice on how to approach my dr about this, without offending "his brilliant mind", I will take all the advice I can get. Thanx👋 #migrainehell #SoReadyToGiveUp Thanx‼️

Today I spent the day in bed. Didn’t talk much on the phone. Scrolled through emails, and desperately searched the internet for some info on why it’s ok to stay in bed the entire day. I didn’t find much about it, I found many things talking about why people stay in bed and it seems they are normally depressed. Although I do suffer from extreme anxiety and depression, I don’t think that’s it. Not today anyway. There has been many a day where I spent days in bed when my son was with his dad just because I didn’t feel like being part of the world. But now I do it probably once a week. I feel like I need it. I work a lot. I have a studio and I also work from home whenever I can. I am single mom to an 11 year old boy which is exhausting in itself. I’ve had insomnia for the last 20 years and although I take meds, I can’t remember the last time I woke up feeling refreshed. So once a week, if my schedule allows for it- I stay in bed. Some weeks and not often I stay in bed 2 days. And then there are weeks that I don’t at all.
I feel like I need to recharge and this is the only way my body can keep going- mentally and physically. I’ve spoken at length about it to my therapist over the last few years and she said some people work out, some people do drugs. Others lay in bed or sleep to recharge. But why do I feel like a useless, lazy piece of trash?! Anyone else? #sleepallday #recharge #Depression #Anxiety #Lazy #recharge

I came upon these thoughts as I was responding to someone else’s post, but I thought they might be worth a post of their own.

I know the paralyzing fear of failure. Being overwhelmed knowing all the things that I “should” be doing, but somehow can’t bring myself to do. I’ve found that for myself it’s an avoidance of pain, both mental and physical. Pain is just a part of life, however, and somehow I need to figure out how to sit with that pain and realize that it’s not going to kill me, no matter how unpleasant it feels. Failure doesn’t feel good, but it’s a necessary step towards success. My atrophied muscles hurt like heck when I try to exercise them, but they can’t grow stronger without pain, and they can’t be without pain until they grow stronger. I’ve been stuck in the same rut for nearly 3 years, and the only solution I can come up with is the advice that has always made me the angriest: “Just do it. Suck it up. Pull yourself up by the bootstraps.” I’m thoroughly medicated, and I’m much more mentally stable, so it should be possible, now. I still don’t know how I’m going to motivate myself to make it happen, but nothing will change unless I do *something*. There’s no magic pill or combination of medications or supplements that can suddenly induce a sense of motivation, so I need to stop looking for one. It’s time for me to take responsibility for my own actions, even my inaction. It sucks, and it’s daunting, but it is what it is.

#Depression
#Anxiety
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#ADHD
#Fibromyalgia
#Lazy

I just came back from vacation with my 10 year old. I think anyone would agree that vacationing alone with children is not super relaxing.

It was a nice trip. Although we did have a boating accident and I’m not the best swimmer, so it was a bit traumatic. Saturday we stayed in, Sunday I was able to take him to the pool, monday I literally did nothing. Tuesday I mustered up strength to go to his baseball game. But I am so burnt out. I feel exhausted. I haven't worked much (I work for myself) and haven't opened my store.

I spoke to my therapist and she said that it sounds like I need a break. So yesterday I called my sons dad and asked if he could keep him last night (I didn't even go to my son's game and I never miss them) and tonight. He agreed after giving me HELLLL.

So here I am. Feeling guilty I am not working. That I am a terrible mom. Worthless. And I can't even take a break because my mind is filled with all these terrible thoughts. I feel like I need a vacation. Not sure from what...

Anyone else ever feel like this??

#Anxiety #Depression #Guilt #MomGuilt #workguilt #worthless #Lazy

Today i just felt kind of lightheaded, I also felt a litle tired and lazy. I just felt like i didn't have any Energy./ A little dizzy.. Like off Balance. The weather doesn't help. Also today was a bit mild and dressing too warm doesn't help either, Well walking in the mall. #Depression