Sure, my journey with anxiety has taken me from a person who had no problem speaking in public to someone today who struggles to even go live on camera. I know I am called to share my story, but as I was saying to my psychologist yesterday I have anxiety about healing anxiety in a way. I have anxiety about the steps needed in my mental health journey. Some of that is rooted in trauma, or traumatic experiences, like having a bad visit with the Doc or not doing what I need to do and having fear of getting in trouble from the doc.

Recently I had a pretty major breakthrough. The vision I have for it is water grinding away through the middle of a mountain and finally breaking through the other side into a small life giving spring.

My anxiety is still pretty high, none of my chronic illnesses are any better, I am actually in more pain, but my mind has shifted. I am seeing the fruit of the work, the trials and tribulations over the last couple years as I have painfully dug into my depression and mental health in general. I just never want to be in that dark place again. While I still get depressed I have not been in a major depression and Praise God, have not been suicidal in a long time. The reminders are still there but I don't reamin in the reminders any more, I choose life.

I am not here to say what you should do or don't do, what program or belief to follow, we are all different. I have read and studied so much, I stand by a teaching I received many moons ago 'to take what works for you and leave the rest'. I still tend to learn other stuff and still finish the books and studies, then file the info away, for suture reference if needed, and some is needed off and on, like tools in our toolbox or utensil drawer, each has a purpose. I can say what tools I use and what works for me and if some of that works for you, Awesome, I am thankful it helped.

This year I committed with intention to 'flatten the curve' with my mental health so I am going to, with intentional resolve, see my Doctors regularly and face my anxieties and struggles head on, see what comes out the other side of 2022.

It will take determination for sure, especially on appointment or church days to get out of the house.

#ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #Crohns #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Fibromyalgia #Arthritis #spinalissues #beardformentalhealth #BeardedIntention #peoplehelpinpeople #wellness #Hope #Grace #Forgiveness #thankyoujesus