racing

THOUGHTS ALONE CAN CAUSE NO HARM?
try telling that to my arm.
try telling those who know about deceptive charm.
try telling those who have fought their own thought.

pause.
to trust a thought can come at a high cost.
to trust a thought can leave me lost.

thought told me there was no need for alarm.
thought caused me to unravel like a ball of yarn.
I thought it was safe to completely disarm.

that voice said I had a choice & the choice was clear.
at that whisper in my ear
I let go of dread- shed all fear.
again I had surely been found.
in the end, thought leveled me to the ground.

I had no fear & danger was near.
my trust was sheer.
the more I let go
the more vibrant my colors show.
the more true the hue
the more complex thoughts grew.

now the complexities started to beck at me.
here comes a thought
out of the blue.
if only I knew
sometimes thoughts come on que.

memories of you come into clear view
this is nothing new.
I hold your memory in captivity
it has become a proclivity.
I cling to our motley crew.
I remember vivid, you.
just us two, how close we grew.
it makes me livid.
an innate mistake
the choice I make.

#Addiction #PTSD #Anxiety #Poetry #MentalHealth #Depression #racing#DependentPersonalityDisorder

I’m a pretty indecisive person. A lot of the time I feel like I’m struggling to make a decision. I get racing thoughts with my aniexty. My aniexty feels like I’m a contestant on Hell’s Kitchen where all of my thoughts are like all of these orders in the kitchen, and then I start botching orders (like burning, over cooking and undercooking food) and the loudest thoughts of things I should be doing (like get out of bed, get coffee, take a shower, go back to sleep) are like Gordon Ramsey cussing out a contestant on Hell’s Kitchen. (sounds something like *Gordan Ramsey slamming a pan with a rack of lamb onto a table* “it’s raw!!! wake up”)

And sometimes when my thoughts are racing it’s like I’m frozen or a statue or something because I’m waiting for my mind to slow down or stop so I can decide what I’m https://doing.Sometimes I get like this where I’m sitting or laying down, feeling indecisive and numb and feel myself staring at a wall and feel like I’m holding my breath waiting for myself to make a decision. I think this morning it was because other than starting work soon (I work from home) I didn’t have a plan or schedule for myself because my husband is going out this morning job hunting and I thought I’d be helping brush off the car or something. I have lots of aniexty I’m working through in therapy but when I get like this, I need help working through it. #aniexty #racing thoughts #gordanramsey #hell ’skitchen

Ok so I have been doing great for about 8 mos. I am struggling, bad making everyone upset with me. I have screaming racing thoughts, suicidal ideation, dont worry no plan I often have these thoughts but they are not fun to have. This is scary ,overwhelming .#livingwithborderlinepersonalitydisorder #