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#racing thoughts

My loving/ healthy self encourages my GAD self to get out; try something new. End result of all that mental energy? A crying train wreck


a thought with no title

try telling that to my arm.
try telling those who know about deceptive charm.
try telling those who have fought their own thought.

to trust a thought can come at a high cost.
to trust a thought can leave me lost.

thought told me there was no need for alarm.
thought caused me to unravel like a ball of yarn.
I thought it was safe to completely disarm.

that voice said I had a choice & the choice was clear.
at that whisper in my ear
I let go of dread- shed all fear.
again I had surely been found.
in the end, thought leveled me to the ground.

I had no fear & danger was near.
my trust was sheer.
the more I let go
the more vibrant my colors show.
the more true the hue
the more complex thoughts grew.

now the complexities started to beck at me.
here comes a thought
out of the blue.
if only I knew
sometimes thoughts come on que.

memories of you come into clear view
this is nothing new.
I hold your memory in captivity
it has become a proclivity.
I cling to our motley crew.
I remember vivid, you.
just us two, how close we grew.
it makes me livid.
an innate mistake
the choice I make.

#Addiction #PTSD #Anxiety #Poetry #MentalHealth #Depression #racing#DependentPersonalityDisorder


anxiety and racing thoughts

I’m a pretty indecisive person. A lot of the time I feel like I’m struggling to make a decision. I get racing thoughts with my aniexty. My aniexty feels like I’m a contestant on Hell’s Kitchen where all of my thoughts are like all of these orders in the kitchen, and then I start botching orders (like burning, over cooking and undercooking food) and the loudest thoughts of things I should be doing (like get out of bed, get coffee, take a shower, go back to sleep) are like Gordon Ramsey cussing out a contestant on Hell’s Kitchen. (sounds something like *Gordan Ramsey slamming a pan with a rack of lamb onto a table* “it’s raw!!! wake up”)

And sometimes when my thoughts are racing it’s like I’m frozen or a statue or something because I’m waiting for my mind to slow down or stop so I can decide what I’m https://doing.Sometimes I get like this where I’m sitting or laying down, feeling indecisive and numb and feel myself staring at a wall and feel like I’m holding my breath waiting for myself to make a decision. I think this morning it was because other than starting work soon (I work from home) I didn’t have a plan or schedule for myself because my husband is going out this morning job hunting and I thought I’d be helping brush off the car or something. I have lots of aniexty I’m working through in therapy but when I get like this, I need help working through it. #aniexty #racing thoughts #gordanramsey #hell ’skitchen

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#Anxiety #racing thoughts#

Ok so I have been doing great for about 8 mos. I am struggling, bad making everyone upset with me. I have screaming racing thoughts, suicidal ideation, dont worry no plan I often have these thoughts but they are not fun to have. This is scary ,overwhelming .#livingwithborderlinepersonalitydisorder #