Hi I'm Kimmie and I'm new here.
Over a month ago I left my emotional abusive husband. He will not let me back in our home, we'll he does state I can come back only if I am desperate! Also, demands that I do not speak to him or be in the same room as him. Demands that I do not act as if I'm emotionally upset and Do not walk around depressed or anxious in anyway. I was informed that by him giving me the gift to come back, I can only stay 1 -2 months cause that's all he can take and that only my human needs, food, water, shelter will be provided and nothing more. I am currently homeless living in and out of my car and motels when I can effort them.
Backstory: my husband recently went through a 30day residential program to become sober. He was a drunk for approx 35yrs. One day when he came home from AA he stated he was removing himself from the bedroom and moving into our guest room. He informed me that his life is the only one that matters now. I will not communicate with him at all. He will not read a text, email, or phone call from me. He had a scheduled with times I could be in the living room watching TV, when I could be in the kitchen and days and times of when I could do my laundry. He will not tell me his coming and goings and will not contribute financially. Every bill was in my name and I had to declare chapter 13 bankruptcy due to his new rule. Stated this is the way its gonna be and if you're not on board you can leave. Needless to say those schedules were useless and I was was summons to my bedroom where I ate, watched TV ect. Not a great plan for a biplor with suicidal and self harm ideation.
So, I became extremely depressed. Felt like I was rejected after 20yrs and most certainly abandoned as well. We argued alot. He told me twice he wanted me gone. After that, he made it so difficult and uncomfortable to live in my own home, I became ritteled with panic and anxiety. I withdrew from life. I was so disassociate I became paranoid on a daily bases.
He stated he was in a relationship that never should have started, together for 20yrs. He was just learning how to have a relationship and he guessed that he should not have been practicing with me. He would say we live in Kim's emotional world and everything must stop life needs to stop because Kim's upset again. He even told me after his AA meeting that he couldn't relate to anyone on that group, because they were all upset and concerned about what they had done to their partners. I questioned and he stated because I never did a thing to you, it was all your fault for any unkind behavior I had tward you. You caused everything and you need to own up to that not me.
He would yell at me stated how much he hates my eating disorder and how it's effecting his life. This is all just merly a snip it of the mind fuckery I've been put through. The last straw was when he was screaming at me giving me the finger calling me a fucked up crazy bitch and I sabotage everything in my life including myself and play victim. He got physical and put me into a submissive position stating I'm touching you call the cops your not that smart cause I tell anything so they will take you away. He left the room, I bolted and went to work and haven't been back since.
He did allow me to remove my belongings from HIS home but only threatening to call the police if I showed up. He changed the locks and kept my emotional support dogs, cause they were now his.
He was absolutely just fine with me living in my car and in the park. He text back and forth and I told this is killing me, I mentally cannot due this. I wad told oh no this isn't killing you, you are killing you! But you choose to leave. So, your no longer my problem.
Long story, sorry. But thanks everyone for giving me this platform to express this.
I'm struggling so badly and my depression is the worst it's ever been. I can't find permanent housing due to my bankruptcy and living in a small dark depressive motel with no end in sight, well there are no words to explain my emotional state.
I find myself missing him and thoughts racing. I am able to go to work but that's getting hard to do that. I constantly keep looking at my emails with heighten anticipation to hear from him. His words keep repeating over and over in my head. With that my self esteem is nonexistent. I'm in ultimate shock! That after 20ys the person I gave my heart too and exposed myself to, could be go cold hearted. This guy hates me so much! My real issue is that I don't understand. He has never explain his thought process or explained any of the cruel statements. Why? Cause that happened yesterday and he's not living in the past, so he will not explain anything, my issue that I'm not over it today.
Any advice? My new friends? I am existing right now cause I have to and I'm not so sure if I even want to right now.
Again sorry so long, but I have no support system at all. Only the ones I pay to support me, so I'm truly all alone.
Thanks everyone for listening!