TRIGGER WARNING, Eating Disorders, PTSD, Flashbacks and Mental Health Recovery are all mentioned.

So, I have cerebral palsy. It is mild, but I still can definitely struggle with my mobility quite frequently. Before my recent relapse, I was struggling with headaches to the point in which my consultant prescribed me Tramadol and referred me to neurology. Of course, my recent relapse has made this worse.

Not only have I relapsed in terms of my eating, which I have been doing incredibly well with since February, I have also fallen back in terms of my frequency in incidents of self harm.
The main reason I will apply and offer my understanding to all of this is issues surrounding my family. Although I am surrounded by people across various social media sites and also in the rehabilitation unit I currently live in, I just kind of feel alone. I put this down to a serious lack of acknowledgement or accountability from my family as to why my current mental health team believe that I have PTSD or CPTSD (to be specific). I had a massive falling out with all three of my family members that I lived with before being admitted into hospital this year and now I feel like I have been dropped.

I have also found out this week that I will not be coming off my section, and will remain in hospital against my own will (it has now been a year and a half).

This all has caused a huge knock back in terms of my recovery with both using self-harm as a way of coping and also a lack of self care, mainly eating.

I am writing about this, because part of what makes me so incredibly self-conscious about my body and appearance is the fact that I have cerebral palsy. Not only this, but it has been worsening in the last few months, hence my new referral to orthopaedics.
Not only does having a clear physical difficulty make me much more self-aware of my body and how I look, it also means that when I do lose a significant amount of weight due to my mental health struggles, it means that I cause a lot more pain to myself, as my muscles are being worn away as my weight plummets. I can't believe how incredibly negative I sound, but I feel like here I can truly be myself. No hiding, like I do on Instagram and Facebook and whatever else. This is more of a diary to me.

#chronic dizziness #ChronicPain #CerebralPalsy #Headaches #neurology #ChronicHeadaches   #EatingDisorders  #AnorexiaNervosa #Recovery   #recoveryisnotlinear   #Disability  #ChronicFatigue #MentalHealth #PTSD   #Depression  #dissociativeamnesia  #dissociativedisorders