Dissociative Disorders

What songs or specific lyrics do you relate to your experience with DID? Tell us about your persecutor(s), protector(s), and gatekeeper(s).

***QUESTION TWENTY-ONE: What songs or specific lyrics do you relate to your experience with DID?

Yay, more music!

Silent Lucidity by Queensryche: this one was shared with me long ago by someone who was reminded of me by this song. Or I reminded them of the song. Not sure. Warriors by Imagine Dragons: and this one debuted early in our recovery/discovery process. We were looking for new music to ground us into our new life and new reality, and was a Motley hit straight away. This is Why We Fight by The Decemberists: lastly, another shout out from Side A: The Motley Fight Song. Self-explanatory.

***QUESTION TWENTY-ONE: Tell us about your persecutor(s), protector(s), and gatekeeper(s).

We don’t label ourselves quite in those terms.

I think, in a sense, all alters are protectors. Protecting themselves, protecting the body, protecting life, protecting some internal light we all possess and together create.

Our most persecutory of alters received the brunt of others’ worst behavior, and emulated what they hated in order to be loved. They then used the only love they knew to try to keep the rest of us in line. To protect from future pain, to punish preemptively in hopes of avoiding harsher potential punishment later on.

Punishment as survival seems twisted, but once we gleaned the motive, it made sense. Even those who expressed glee at their own hostility were trapped under a mask they’d been forced to wear a long, long time ago.

“Gatekeeper” isn’t a term we use, though it could describe parts who stand guard over other parts, or over specific sections of the system. Those who open and lock doors, who flip switches and press buttons, who give commands to other parts to carry out. High up in hidden hierarchies, cloaked in shadows into which we are now just barely venturing.

Every alter can change, and many want to. Some don’t know how while others still think they aren’t allowed to. Parts might not know who they are outside of what they were told to do or be, but every alter to whom we’ve shown acceptance and compassion has changed their destructive ways.

The ones who fall into these roles are some of our strongest, oldest, and most knowledgeable parts, and they all want to belong.

#DissociativeIdentityDisorder #dissociativedisorders #DissociationDisorders

*** survey credits & song links can be found in the original post, "The Whims of Your Mind" on our website. ***

What are some ways that identity confusion appears in your day to day life? Do you have a favorite book or TV show about or including DID?

***QUESTION TWENTY: What are some ways that identity confusion appears in your day to day life?

Like many of the answers before it: it doesn’t. Not anymore. Not like it used to, and not in the same ways.

Confusion now isn’t as much from switching with or influence from other parts, but in how we are growing as a whole, as a cohesive unit of shared skills and abilities. How our tastes have changed and matured. In how capable we’ve become.

“Who am I?” is still oft-exclaimed, not with ye olde tinge of frustration, but with surprise and awe (and a little tongue-in-cheek humor) when we say or go beyond what we ever imagined we could be or do.

***QUESTION TWENTY-and-a-HALF: Do you have a favorite book or TV show about or including DID?

One of my favorite and most relatable displays of multiplicity comes from a show that has nothing to do with Dissociative Identity Disorder: "Sense8". (And you best believe we’re writing about it.)

We recently found the box set of "United States of Tara" at a thrift store, but I wouldn’t call that show a favorite. A reasonable disappointment, maybe? Though I did think season two was the best outta three.

I’ve mostly read autobiographies ("The Flock", "When Rabbit Howls", "The Sum of My Parts"), but "Set This House in Order" by Matt Ruff was the first fictional DID book I’d read since diagnosis/recovery.

It did a decent job showing two different system manifestations, interactions, and awareness. If you read it, I will add a heavy trigger warning: We had to skip entire scenes due to explicit abuse descriptions. But, despite that, I’d read (parts of) it again.

When it comes to media, if the effects of trauma and PTSD are well-done, I’ll take that over a hinky DID depiction any day. We also prefer alternate universe, time loops, multiple selves, "Being John Malkovich"–like shiz.

And, okay, I’ll admit. I really enjoyed "Bates Motel".#DissociativeIdentityDisorder #DissociationDisorders #dissociativedisorders *** survey credits & links can be found in the original post "The Whims of Your Mind" on our website. ***

How much internal communication do you have with parts? How do you, as a whole, prefer to communicate? Have you ever met another multiple offline? Tell us about it.

***QUESTION NINETEEN: How much internal communication do you have with parts? How do you, as a whole, prefer to communicate?

Growing up, there was always internal chatter, always lots of voices and thoughts in my head. Thoughts that talked to me or about me, and thoughts that had entire conversations without me. Thoughts that could override and shout louder than my own.

Not just one internal monologue either, but constant, multi-threaded dialogue. (Or diatribe.)

Our less verbal parts seem to flood with emotions. Some use hand motions or physical movement, some facial expressions or sound effects, and some replay song lyrics or movie scenes.

System communication has always been natural and automatic, even before we knew that’s what we were doing. Direct contact is usually spoken or written, and we’d interact with each other on the daily (though these days, things are much calmer and intrinsic).

***QUESTION NINETEEN-and-a-HALF: Have you ever met another multiple offline? Tell us about it.

I have. Don’t think I want to talk about it. Not yet. Not on this type of post, anyway.

It wouldn’t surprise me to learn I’ve interacted with other multiples without knowing it. Exactly like how the world interacts with us and they don’t know it. There have been a few in passing I’ve wondered about, but ultimately, it’s none of my business. Just like how we are none of theirs.#DissociativeIdentityDisorder #dissociativedisorders #DissociationDisorders *** survey credits & links can be found in the original post, "The Whims of Your Mind" on our website. ***

How do you experience emotions in relation to your DID? How are your emotions affected by dissociation? What’s your least favorite misconception or common misinformed fact spread about DID?

***QUESTION EIGHTEEN: How do you experience emotions in relation to your DID? For you, how are emotions affected by dissociation?

We are getting the hang of withstanding emotions without the cover of dissociation.

Before, emotions were either blunted, overwhelming, or distant, and they rotated with an unpredictable and sudden (but disappearing) force. Now, I feel a lot more than I used to, can remember why I felt that way, and can keep the memory of said feelings after they’re gone.

I still get a lot of emotions that “aren’t mine” — emotions out of context or proportion, or a low, constant tugging-at-my-mental-ankles type thing. Much of our system work now starts by examining what we are feeling, the emotions that don’t seem to belong, and where and how we are feeling it; follow the feelings, find the part that’s having them.

***QUESTION EIGHTEEN-and-a-HALF: What’s your least favorite misconception or common misinformed fact spread about Dissociative Identity Disorder?

Ugh, again? Well, to be fair, there are a ton of ‘em out there, so I guess I could keep going...

(*Deep Breath*)

"DID is illness or disease. DID can be medicated. DID is contagious. DID is hereditary. DID is dangerous. DID is controversial. You need a disorder to dissociate. If you dissociate, you must have a disorder. DID is the only dissociative disorder. Alters are just thoughts/feelings. Alters always introduce themselves. Alters always know who they are. Alters always know they’re alters. Alters never know they’re alters. DID is highly fantasy-prone. Sociocognitive theory is legitimate. Imitative DID never happens. Malingered DID never happens. Feigned and real DID are indistinguishable. False Memory Syndrome is real. Pseudomemories are fake. IFS is a type of DID. DID is an identity. DID is theatrical. DID is a costume. DID is a game. Alters can be collected or traded. Treatment involves making the alters go away. Opposite-gendered alters don’t exist. Animal or inanimate object alters don’t exist. Alters can be killed/gotten rid of. Integration and fusion are the same. Integration and fusion are different. Integration is optional in recovery. Fusion means becoming one. DID is a western invention. DID is a modern invention. All DID experiences are the same. All DID heals the same. DID is a monolith. Online communities are safe. Social media portrayals are reliable. Birth and pre-birth trauma doesn’t exist/affect the child. System names are required. Inner worlds aren’t real. DID and maladaptive daydreaming are the same thing. Switches are always for negative triggers. All alters carry trauma/pain. DID is a shattered person. The diagnostic process takes years. Therapists will never see a multiple in their career. Therapists will always recognize a multiple. If you’ve met one DID you’ve met them all."

. . . I’m gonna stop here.

(and the TWM Galleries have some great palate cleansers/eye bleach if you need it)#DissociativeIdentityDisorder #DissociationDisorders #dissociativedisorders *** survey credits & links can be found in the original post, "Of Safety, Stigma, and Supposeds" on our website. ***

Do you have a favourite media character with DID, or one that you believe has DID? Who’s an alter you’re interested in knowing more about or befriending? Which alter do you know best?

***QUESTION SEVENTEEN: Do you have a favourite movie, TV show, book, or video game that has a character with DID, or one that you believe has DID?

I think "Mr. Robot" is one of the more recent medias I’ve watched because of the DID storyline. I think. And, DID or not, it’s one I’ve rewatched again and again. The underlying messaging is needed, the theatrics it pulls are delightful, and I love the unique artistry of every single episode.

A few in particular stand out for me, but we’re gonna save that for some upcoming 'Multiples in the Media' essays. I’ve been begging PeanutButter to watch it with me (he’s never seen it), because it’s just that good, and I’ve been jonesing for another rewatch.

Mr. Robot does, however, have one glaring exception to this glowing review: the last episode. It ruins everything.

Now, "Dexter" isn’t written to have DID in either series (Showtime television or the books by Jeff Lindsay), but its elements, I believe, are there regardless.

(For clarity, I’ve read all the Dexter books, and I’ve seen the original series only; none of the sequels/continuations/reboots, so once Season 8, Episode 12 wrapped, that’s as far as my current knowledge of the TV Dexter-verse goes.)

The books and the TV series divert almost immediately, and each must be judged independently from the other, but I maintain Dexter Morgan of both incarnations has some form of dissociative disorder, and not necessarily (just) the socio- and/or psychopathy they declared. Dude’s traumatized up the wazoo, suffers amnesia for his childhood and emotions, and has dissociative projections (and introjections) of his own memories and fragmented consciousness.

There is a scene each in seasons one and two that stick out to me in particular. The first, the “memory” of himself as a child reacts to the adult Dexter’s current reality and surroundings, interrupts his reverie and warns him of incoming danger; memories don’t do that. And second season, when asked how he deals so well with tragedy, Dexter replies, “I’m good at compartmentalization.”

Not to mention Dex’s whole Dark Passenger dealio, and how in the books, they would sometimes talk together. “That was my favorite part,” we said.

I mean. C’mon.

***QUESTION SEVENTEEN-and-a-HALF: Who’s an alter you’re interested in knowing more about or befriending? Which alter do you know best?

One of the foundational tenets of working with dissociated parts is curiosity. Creating an internal culture that encourages curiosity about our various selves, and cultivating compassion toward one another and our individual stories. Because dissociative avoidance is second-nature, it’s something we do consciously, deliberately, and mindfully to this day.

I’d like to get to know the ones who write backward, the ones who think they’re dead, the ones who floated away uncontained and unknown, and the ones who seem to come from outside the system, outside us, outside our corporeal realm. The ones who seem greater than human.

But the alter I know best? Probably Splatz.#DissociativeIdentityDisorder #dissociativedisorders #DissociationDisorders *** survey credits & links can be found in the original post, "Of Safety, Stigma, and Supposeds" on our website. ***

How long have you been in treatment for Dissociative Identity Disorder? How many parts do you know of in the system? How many know about each other?

*** QUESTION SEVEN: How long have you been in treatment for DID?

Since 2013. We took a break for a few years, then restarted in 2024.

The worst patches saw twice-weekly sessions, doubled or more in length, but our default now is once a week for the typical hour. If we’re struggling with a specific part or memory (and schedules allow) we’ll do an extra-long session. We also take a week off here and there.

A rough estimate of our office hours with Lighthouse has totaled about nine or ten years (even the break had semi-regular check-ins), which means the time spent in proper treatment has nearly lapped the time spent in improper treatment! Success!

*** QUESTION SEVEN-and-a-HALF: How many parts do you know of in the system? How many know about each other?

Our named roster once rose into the hundreds, but best guess is, at our most fragmented, we numbered into the low thousands. We stopped keeping track once realizing most alters were groups of parts, or were standing guard in front of groups of parts.

At first, the front-facing, life-living parts were aware only of other surface-level parts, and were kept oblivious to the abuse history and/or inner workings. Deeply-layered or higher-ranking parts knew more, but each section only carried a piece of the bigger picture. A complete overview wasn’t possible until very recently.

I’d say only about 30% of our system directly interacted with the outside world, and things changed so much in recovery that tracking numbers became an unnecessary and distracting task.

At this point, our multiplicity (and togetherness) is understood innately. We don’t need to be Named to be known, and once an alter is known to one, they are known to all. The recognition, acceptance, and welcoming to the fold is almost instantaneous.#DissociativeIdentityDisorder #DissociationDisorders #dissociativedisorders *** 30 Days of DID survey credits go to tumblr user shihkas, and wordpress blogger catalyticconvergence. Links can be found in the original post ("Dogged by DID") on our website. ***

One of the biggest misconceptions about healing is that you have to be strong all the time.

You don’t.

Some days, simply getting out of bed is strength.

Some days, making one phone call is strength.

Some days, choosing to stay is strength.

Recovery isn’t about making one giant leap.

It’s about showing up again and again, even when progress feels invisible.

The small steps you take today might not seem like much.

But over time, they become the person you’re becoming.

Don’t underestimate what one more step can do.

What’s one small step you’ve taken recently that you’re proud of?

Also, if you're going through a tough time right now, I want you to know that I post daily mental health videos about how to deal with painful thoughts. So if you or anyone you know is struggling and wants help, click on one of the links below or write me if you have any questions you want me to answer:

www.instagram.com/thomas_of_copenhagen

www.tiktok.com/@thomas_of_copenhagen

~ Thanks to all. Thanks for all. ~

#MentalHealth #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Addiction #dissociativedisorders #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #ADHD #Fibromyalgia #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #PTSD #Cancer #RareDisease #Disability #Autism #Diabetes #EatingDisorders #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #RheumatoidArthritis #Suicide #MightyTogether

One of the most freeing realizations I ever had was that I didn't have to live my life according to someone else's expectations.

For years, I worried about what people thought.

Whether they approved.

Whether they understood my choices.

Whether they agreed with the way I wanted to live my life.

But eventually I realized something:

No matter what you do, someone will have an opinion.

So you might as well build a life that feels right to you.

A life that gives you energy instead of draining it.

A life that reflects your values instead of someone else's expectations.

Sometimes growth isn't about adding more things to your life.

Sometimes it's about letting go.

Letting go of unhealthy relationships.

Letting go of old habits.

Letting go of the pressure to be who everyone else wants you to be.

Your life is your life.

Make it your own.

What's something you've let go of that made your life better?

Also, if you're going through a tough time right now, I want you to know that I post daily mental health videos about how to deal with painful thoughts. So if you or anyone you know is struggling and wants help, click on one of the links below or write me if you have any questions you want me to answer:

www.instagram.com/thomas_of_copenhagen

www.tiktok.com/@thomas_of_copenhagen

~ Thanks to all. Thanks for all. ~

#MentalHealth #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Addiction #dissociativedisorders #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #ADHD #Fibromyalgia #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #PTSD #Cancer #RareDisease #Disability #Autism #Diabetes #EatingDisorders #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #RheumatoidArthritis #Suicide #MightyTogether

One of the things depression does best is convince us that we need to solve everything at once.

We think about next week.

Next month.

Next year.

All the things that could go wrong.

All the things we haven't accomplished yet.

All the ways our life isn't where we want it to be.

And eventually the weight of it all becomes overwhelming.

But life is rarely lived all at once.

It's lived one day at a time.

One conversation at a time.

One decision at a time.

One step at a time.

You don't need to figure out the rest of your life today.

You just need to make it through today.

And sometimes that's more than enough.

What's one small thing you're grateful for today?

Also, if you're going through a tough time right now, I want you to know that I post daily mental health videos about how to deal with painful thoughts. So if you or anyone you know is struggling and wants help, click on one of the links below or write me if you have any questions you want me to answer:

www.instagram.com/thomas_of_copenhagen

www.tiktok.com/@thomas_of_copenhagen

~ Thanks to all. Thanks for all. ~

#MentalHealth #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Addiction #dissociativedisorders #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #ADHD #Fibromyalgia #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #PTSD #Cancer #RareDisease #Disability #Autism #Diabetes #EatingDisorders #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #RheumatoidArthritis #Suicide #MightyTogether

One of the biggest lies depression tells us is that we need to have everything figured out before we take the first step.

We think we need a perfect plan.

We think we need certainty

We think we need to know exactly how we're going to get from where we are today to where we want to be.

But that's not how growth works.

Most people who accomplish incredible things didn't start because they knew exactly what they were doing.

They started because they were willing to take one small step despite not knowing.

One phone call.

One workout.

One application.

One conversation.

One day of not giving up.

You don't have to know how you're going to get through the next year.

You don't even have to know how you're going to get through the next month.

Sometimes all you need to do is take the next step.

The path often becomes visible after you start walking it.

What's something in your life you've been waiting to start?

Also, if you're going through a tough time right now, I want you to know that I post daily mental health videos about how to deal with painful thoughts. So if you or anyone you know is struggling and wants help, click on one of the links below or write me if you have any questions you want me to answer:

www.instagram.com/thomas_of_copenhagen

www.tiktok.com/@thomas_of_copenhagen

~ Thanks to all. Thanks for all. ~

#MentalHealth #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Addiction #dissociativedisorders #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #ADHD #Fibromyalgia #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #PTSD #Cancer #RareDisease #Disability #Autism #Diabetes #EatingDisorders #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #RheumatoidArthritis #Suicide #MightyTogether