relationshipend

#CheckInWithMe I’m running out of time I feel for some reason. I fear if I’m no longer pretty and young then I have no value, and be washed up and a has been. I already feel this this way now. My patterns with relationships are pretty obvious but I will #BipolarDisorderDiagnosis #lowselfesteem I have tried but trying now would be exhausting and a let down. I even hate hearing myself talk about problems. Nobody wants to hear about them. Plus I feel like people often fake in response and uncomfortable. Then yesterday I pushed away my bf and dont know where it's coming from and why I can't stop myself. #lowselfesteem ✍🏻

Wfro

I am really struggling with this today. He couldn't, wouldn't be there for me when my #physicalillness and #emotionalillness got worse. He used my illness against me when we argued. Instead trying to make things better as I tried, he'd tell me to get out (we lived in "his" house). I would tell him that I wasn't leaving because I loved him and wanted to make our marriage work. He never said the same... I tried so hard, but it was just too much. I couldn't carry us both (he has his own emotional garbage he's carrying around except his is in the depths of his "closet" and he denies their existence and affect on our life). Six months ago, when he told me to get out, once more. I did.
I am doing great, for the most part, but there are days, like today, when life just doesn't seem worth the price.. All my childhood trauma (#emotionalabuse, #neglect, #rejection, #abandonment, etc...) surfaces and I don't know how to pull myself out of this place....