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How to help someone with low self esteem

Hi all,

It's been quite a while. I'm back because my girlfriend is dealing with some pretty major low self esteem and I feel powerless to help her having never dealt with it myself to a significant degree except within the context of a bout of severe depression when I was 18. We have a lot of things in common with our brains: OCD, anxiety, probably autism, and generally being weird smart nerds. But my environment growing up was a lot more supportive than hers. I grew up in a progressive west coast city with a queer friendly community and friends and family who were also weird and felt that it was a good thing to think for ourselves and not be "normal." She grew up in a Texas suburb in a conservative Catholic community that socially punished any kind of nonconformity or inability to instantly understand and follow unspoken social rules and has only had maybe two real friends, not including me, since being a preteen. She has such a low opinion of her ability to make friends and feels like everyone thinks she's weird in a bad way. She assumes that all social interactions are going to go terribly which leads her to not interact with anyone thus worsening the anxiety. I understand why she feels like this given her past experiences, but I just feel like she can't be so much different from me that a modest but fulfilling social life such as mine is impossible for her. She's seeing a therapist mostly for the OCD but also the self esteem, but I just don't know how to help. I do everything I can to tell her how wonderful she is, naming specific things I love about her and reasons that she is great outside of any personal relationships. But at the end of the day I don't have much personal experience with feeling that way and so I have no tips to give her like I can with OCD, the treatment of which I am now somewhat of a veteran. Any suggestions from those who have dealt with such things for what might help? And advice to give someone struggling like this? Especially if you've successfully been able to manage these feelings and gain self confidence and self love/appreciation. I suppose I should also add that we are currently long-distance and she visits me every 1-2 months (she has a more flexible schedule and makes a lot more money, and I have the more independent living situation whereas she still lives with her somewhat homophobic parents). So as much as I'd like to hug her every day and whisper a litany of her wonderful qualities in her ear, I sadly cannot.

#Selfesteem #lowselfesteem #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Autism #Relationships #Advice #Support

8 reactions 4 comments

Do the one thing that ,.

Eleanor Roosevelt.
"Do the one thing that scares you every day."
Today I called into work.
I was scared but I did it.
I need to do another scary which involves my job.
Should I stay or should I go.
The reason I took this job was for the benefits which i have yet to receive.
I have a scary time talking to managers about my situation



I need some respect.
My job is difficult. A thank you for showing up is all I want.
I am disappointed because today was supposed to be my therapy appointment.
My therapist did not respond to my texts . Hopefully I can talk with her this week.
My mindset is woe is me.
Tomorrow is a work day.
Positive vibes are needed.
Thank you.#Breathe

1 comment

Advice on moving forward from an online connection? *PLEASE READ :)

This happened about 3 years ago now. The peak of Covid. I was going through a media craze and experienced so much toxic behavior from people I’ve spoken to. Suddenly I talk to this great guy from the UK and while things were going pretty fine, I was still so overcome and traumatized from other connections and even more so with a particular guy from Ohio ( I was emotionally manipulated and also love bombed *yikes*) and to put it lightly I’m a very deep emotional person, so I was going through deep waters. I just had a random urge to squash the relationship by insulting his looks and saying crazy obscene things to the point of him being completely offended and ‘shouting’ obscenities towards me in defense. But I guess I deserved it. He ended up blocking me with much hesitation though I tried apologizing and he wouldn’t buy it. With needless to say, that was our end. But now I realize that he was the only one who actually cared and wanted to get to know me deep down. And I find myself missing him and our. I messed up. It’s an awful feeling. I gave up the apps as a whole but now it feels like I’m waiting for a connection that might never come. But I still have hope. #MentalHealth #checkin #Depression #Anxiety #Relationships #Opinion #ADHD #Guilt #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #OCDTest #SuicidalThoughts #selfsabotage #lowselfesteem #SleepDisorders #Insomnia #moodswings #PMS #ChronicFatigue #Hope

4 reactions 1 comment

Any tips for when you feel like a loser? :(

Sorry if it sounds negative but any tips for when you’re feeling really low about yourself/ your life? Thanks 🙏

Appreciate any little pick me ups or those who can relate to this sometimes :c #lonely #sad #down #Low #hardonmyself #loser #lowselfesteem #Trying # headspace #Depression #Anxiety #Pickmeup #Tips #Selflove #Quotes #bad day #beatingmyselfupemotionally #selfsabotage #wantselflove #wanttoworkonselfcompassion

60 reactions 11 comments

Depression after relocation

I have recently relocated to a new city for 3 months where I spent my whole childhood in. I have studied abroad for many years. I am experiencing tones of depressive symptoms trying to adapt such as self-blame, headaches, forgetfulness and anxiety. The work hour is very long here so I find it very hard to exercise. I recently got engaged with my partner for 5 years. But it seems like our relationship is suffering when I fail to listen but gets overwhelmed about her problems due to #ADHD . She is from where I study abroad so she has her own struggles too. As I struggle at work and low self-esteem, I’m getting more lonely and isolated. I’m really hoping things can improve but it seems like the psychiatrists (after seeing 3) here do not want to give out diagnosis #AdultADHD apart from medications to calm my anxiety #ChronicDepression #lowselfesteem


Got dumped

I got blocked by my ex yesterday on all platforms... M really having a low self-esteem right now... M thrown out like an piece pf shit from his life ... I really loved him ... N i think its impossible for me to get over him ... This heaviness and excruciating pain in my chest is making me cripple...cant even get out of bed ... Medications are also not helping me as much #someonehelpme #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #lowselfesteem #breakup


Accepting Compliments/Kindness

Hey guys! Does anyone else have a hard time accepting/believing complements? I some friends who are always so nice to me and giving me compliments. I don't even know how to respond to some of the comments, because truly, I know that if they knew enough about me they wouldn't think that. I feel like i don't deserve them and it also kind of makes my anxiety higher because I feel bad for some reason that they think that, like I'm like accidentally not being genuine or something or living a lie, even though a lot of them know about my anxiety and low self esteem. What do I do to combat these feelings? Any tips? Thanks in advance guys, and I hope you have a great rest of your week!

#Anxiety #lowselfesteem #Depression #SocialAnxiety


Low self esteem.

After speaking with my therapist it appears I suffer greatly with low self esteem and more than likely as a result of my borderline personality disorder. Has anyone got any tips on how to get out of this mind set? #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder #PTSD #Anxiety #lowselfesteem


Letting myself be me authentically #authenticme #lowselfesteem #Depression

Hi! I’m new here and trying to explore community. Community is always something I have steered away from; always felt so uncomfortable. I wouldn’t make space for others to understand me. Instead, I continued to label myself misunderstood. I am an only child and have always felt alone. Being alone is my comfort zone, where I thrive. Or at least that was the case. Before, I would really avoid it and I grew into appreciating my alone time. Sometimes, however, a little too much. Too much to the point where I was self-deteriorating. I am currently struggling with this as I am channeling my why, my passions, my purpose. My low self esteem has always gotten in the way of that. I have came to realize this through my almost constant comparison to others, putting myself down, and never fully believing in myself. My alone time used to be a time where I put my best foot forward and see the best of myself. And it was just that, thriving alone. Seeing others and being apart of something made me feel lost, confused, and even more alone in most cases. I would immediately just believe I wasn’t good enough, my ideas weren’t worthy enough, and my efforts were pointless. Yet, lesson after lesson, meltdown after meltdown, I am claiming my space in the world. I am letting myself be my true self, authentically and raw. I did and still struggle with low self esteem. The only difference is that now I am not letting it get in my way to the best of my ability. I am releasing negative self-image, self talk, and self beliefs. I am setting myself free; free to be who I want to be, who I am, and who I know will overcome this. I am letting myself finally be me: no questions, no comments, and no concerns about doubt.

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