If sex triggers you, is suggest stopping.
When I get aroused, omg I need to be locked in a room and have cold water thrown on me till I calm down. I partake and list for the stupidest, riskiest, sometimes assaulted, unprotected sexual situations.
My drive is out of this world. I seriously would... and have... had sex on a whim with whom ever. I’ve been the other woman with a married man. There seem to be no boundaries. I am able to slow myself down for a bit but holy cow. The kraken is released and there is no holding back.
I know part of this comes from history of longtime sexual assault at a young age. Its the taken advantage of and the subsequent shame or power, self consciousness, feelings of being dirty, I really enjoy. I also, truly, like getting slammed and humiliated during sexual.
With regards to protection, I basically never use it, but I get screened for stds whenever I do this. I almost welcome the idea of catching something, so it requires me to slam on the breaks.
I don’t know how to curtail this. I’ve been off the charts lately. I sort of don’t want to, but I could seriously damage relationships because of this, and I have straight out been assaulted in playing with these behaviors as well.
How do others (you) manage this sort of all encompassing self-destructive lust. This applies to women as well, but I have a strong preference towards penises.
My therapist said I need to use my “wise mind.” I try. I’m very much aware these are self damaging behaviors, but I can’t seem to stop. As I said, I want to hurt myself and I want whatever psychological state I feel when it happens.
What do you do? No joke. Anyone addicted? Is it related to a desire for humiliation, perhaps?
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