selfcare

There was a time in my marriage when the stress felt so constant that I found myself spiraling into a very dark thought: Maybe I made a mistake.

I didn’t want a divorce. I didn’t want to break up our family or lose the life we had built. But I was so overwhelmed by the friction between my wife, Rivka, and me that I felt like I was suffocating. Every interaction felt like a landmine. I was tired of the tension, tired of the misunderstandings, and honestly, I was tired of feeling like I was failing at the most important relationship in my life.

When you’re in that headspace, you don’t just feel unhappy; you feel trapped. You start to question your past decisions and wonder if you simply picked the "wrong" person.

If you are there right now, I want to share the shift in perspective that helped me find my way back-not as a rabbi or a therapist, but as a husband who was once ready to give up.

Understanding the "Hijacked" Husband - In my own struggle, I discovered a piece of science that gave me an immense amount of relief. I learned about the "Limbic Hijack."

I realized that when Rivka and I were in those high-stress moments, my brain wasn't operating from a place of love or logic. My amygdala-the part of the brain that handles survival-was taking over. Because I felt so much pressure and stress, my body was reacting as if I were in physical danger. In that state, I couldn’t see Rivka as my best friend; I could only see her as the source of my stress.

Learning this changed everything. It meant that I hadn’t necessarily made a mistake in marrying her; I was just having a very human, biological reaction to sustained relational stress. We weren't "incompatible"-we were just two people with overwhelmed nervous systems who didn't know how to find safety with each other.

Why I Needed More Than an Hour: For a long time, I thought that if we couldn't "fix it" in a weekly therapy session, it couldn't be fixed. But I found that for a brain as stressed as mine was, 50 minutes wasn't enough time to actually calm down. Just as I’d start to feel a little bit of hope, the session would end, and we’d go right back into the stress of our daily lives.

I realized I needed a bigger "container." I needed a way to stay in the conversation long enough for my nervous system to realize that Rivka wasn't my enemy. For us, that meant an intensive format-taking the time to step away from everything else and just focus on co-regulation. It allowed the "mistake" narrative to fade away and be replaced by the truth: we were just two people who needed to learn how to feel safe again.

A Message of Hope for the Stressed Spouse: If you are sitting there today feeling like the stress is too much and wondering if you made a wrong turn years ago, I want you to know that your feelings are valid. You aren't a bad person for feeling overwhelmed or for questioning things.

But before you decide that the "mistake" is permanent, I invite you to consider that you might just be exhausted. Not from feeling tired though. You might be a person whose nervous system is trying to protect you from the very person you want to be closest to.

Only you can decide your path. But in my life with Rivka, I found that when we addressed the stress as a biological hurdle rather than a character flaw, the "mistake" started to look a lot more like a path toward deeper healing.

You aren't alone in the stress. And sometimes, the person you think was a mistake is actually the person who can help you heal the most.

#MentalHealth #Relationships #Marriage #Stress #Anxiety #livedexperience #CheckInWithMe #NervousSystemHealth #selfcare #Tr auma #Healing #Family #communicatio n #selfcare

Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, MS, LCPC, is a licensed clinical professional counselor and the founder of The Marriage Restoration Project. After navigating his own journey from relational stress to deep connection, he dedicated his career to helping couples move from the "brink" to healing. He specializes in 2-day Marriage Intensives that use neurobiological insights and Imago Therapy to create lasting safety and restoration. You can learn more about his work and download his free 60 Second Plan to a Happy Marriage at www.themarriagerestorationproject.com

I know I need to declutter both my environment and my mind. My mind most of all—but for me, it always starts with what I can see. Visual clutter overwhelms me in a way that’s hard to explain. When things are disorganized and out of place, my nervous system goes into overdrive. I can’t focus. I can’t feel inspired. Instead, my inner critic gets loud, convincing me that I’m lazy or unmotivated, when the truth is much more complicated than that.

Lately, depression has been heavy. My body and mind feel drained, like the battery is completely dead. Some days, even small tasks feel impossible. When I look around at the mess, the shame creeps in—not because I don’t care, but because I don’t have the mental energy to fix it in that moment.

That’s when I remind myself: decluttering doesn’t begin with cleaning. It begins with care.

Decluttering the Mind, Gently

As a neurodivergent person, my thoughts pile up quickly. Emotions don’t pass through me quietly—they linger. So I’ve had to find small, accessible ways to create mental space before I can even think about tackling my physical surroundings.

For me, decluttering my mind looks like this:

Writing everything down—especially the thoughts I don’t know how to say out loud.

Naming what I’m feeling without trying to fix it right away.

Stepping back from constant noise and digital overwhelm when my brain feels too full.

Letting emotions move through me instead of bottling them up until I break.

Resting without trying to earn it, even when guilt shows up.

Writing, especially, has become a lifeline. I tend to hold everything in until it spills over in a breakdown that looks dramatic from the outside. But it’s never about attention—it’s about release. Writing helps me empty my head just enough to breathe again.

Hobbies help, too. Depression tells me to do nothing, but my brain needs stimulation or the emotional intensity grows louder. So I lean into the things that comfort me—baseball, Italy, food, movies, books. Familiar interests ground me. They gently lift my mood and help me build enough momentum to move forward.

Decluttering the Space, One Small Step at a Time

Eventually, that momentum leads me back to my environment.

Recently, I finally cleaned out my closet. Letting go has never been easy for me. I form emotional attachments to clothes—to memories, to past versions of myself, to who I thought I’d be. But this time, I didn’t overthink it. I let go of what no longer fit—physically or emotionally. And while it was nerve-wracking, it also felt freeing. Like quietly closing one chapter and making space for another.

When it comes to decluttering my space, I’ve learned to approach it with the same gentleness:

Starting small—one drawer, one shelf, one corner at a time.

Letting go of items I keep out of guilt or “just in case” thinking.

Clearing surfaces to create visual calm instead of chasing perfection.

Keeping what feels comforting and supportive, not what adds pressure.

Allowing my space to be functional and lived-in, not flawless.

Each small step matters. I don’t need to overhaul my entire life in one day.

Making Room to Breathe

Reducing clutter has become less about control and more about compassion. It’s about noticing what overwhelms me, what drains me, and what belongs to a version of myself I’ve outgrown. I don’t need to strip my life bare—but every time I let something go, physically or emotionally, I create a little more space.

And in that space, I find breath.

I find softness.

I find the beginning of change.

What would it look like to clear just a little space today—not to be productive, but to be kinder to yourself?

“The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.” — Hans Hofmann

#MentalHealth #selfcare #Neurodiversity #Depression #Anxiety #ADHD

Small moments of self-care can make a big difference.

#MentalHealth #selfcare #Support

One thing that I’m slowly learning is just how much damage my inner critic has done to me over the years.

That voice inside is relentless. It tells me that I’m worthless, useless, and a burden to the world. It critiques my every move, my every action, my every thought, as if I’m constantly being evaluated. Everything feels like there’s evidence stacked against me.

This has been with me for most of my life. In my mind, there’s constant judgment, constant self-surveillance. The thing is, I don’t just experience things, I analyze and punish myself for how I experience them. I attack my character, my personality, my intentions. I tell myself that I’m essentially just a waste of space. It’s detrimental.

Self-comparison only fuels this fire. I’ve learned how harmful it is, yet it’s something I fall into easily. Watching others exude such confidence, ease, or certainty makes my inner critic louder. It tells me that I’m behind in life and broken in ways that I can’t fix. And once I see that narrative come into the picture, it’s hard to see anything else.

The truth is, I haven’t thought very highly of myself for a long time. I don’t just criticize what I do, I criticize who I am. The way I look, the way I talk, the way I speak, it makes me cringe sometimes. I walk with my eyes down, shoulders tense, as though I’ve been placed in a corner, quietly apologizing for existing at all. Shame lives in my posture, not just my thoughts.

But something changed with my newfound understanding of neurodivergence.

It didn’t erase the inner critic, but it gave me context. For the first time, I wasn’t just “bad” or “failing,” or “lazy.” I’d been walking through life believing that I was indeed a problem to be corrected. I had been navigating a world that wasn’t built for the way my mind works, without knowing why everything felt so hard.

I’ve started to recognize my strengths—my empathy, my insight, my sensitivity, my depth. I started to notice that I do have something to offer, even if it doesn’t look like what the world typically rewards. I’ve become a little more compassionate, patient, and a little less cruel to myself in moments when I struggle.

Still, I’m unlearning a lifetime of negative-self, and it’s not easy to do.

When you’ve been stuck in that pattern for so long, it becomes familiar, almost automatic. The inner critic appears before you can stop it, repeating old habits that once felt like protection but now only cause harm. Some days I can catch it, but other days, it catches me first.

Trying to silence the inner critic doesn’t mean pretending I suddenly love myself. It means noticing the attack and choosing, when I can, not to pile more shame on top of it. It means reminding myself that this voice was shaped by years of misunderstanding—not truth.

I think acknowledging that my inner critic exists, and that it isn’t me, feels like a meaningful step toward self-compassion and self-acceptance. I believe that’s where the healing starts. Not in silencing my voice entirely, but by choosing not to believe everything it says.

How does your inner critic show up?

“Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.”— Brené Brown

#MentalHealth #Neurodiversity #selfcare #Anxiety #Depression #ADHD #AutismSpectrumDisorder

Let’s talk positive coping strategies and self-soothing techniques today!

When we’ve had a tiring, stressful, or overwhelming day, knowing how to best practice self-care and comfort ourselves can make all the difference —especially when figuring out the ways that effectively help us unwind and recharge.

Mighty staffer @sparklywartanks likes to lay in silence in her dim-lit room, with all of her pillows surrounding her for comfort. It helps her to reground and re-energize.

How do you comfort yourself at the end of an exhausting day?

#52SmallThings #CheckInWithMe #selfcare #MentalHealth #Disability #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #RareDisease #Anxiety #Depression #Autism #Parenting #PTSD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BipolarDisorder #Fibromyalgia #Lupus #MultipleSclerosis #Migraine #Spoonie

Happy Friday! 🌟

As the week winds down, let’s take a moment to pause and take three deep breaths. With each breath, think about what you need from yourself today. How can you prioritize your mental health right now, throughout the day, and into the weekend?

Today, I need to spend some time by myself reconnecting, reflecting, and restoring my energy after a really long and rough couple of months. I also need to write some affirmations to remind myself that I’m worthy of connection, that I have good ideas, and that I’m doing a great job navigating adulthood and life overall.

Feel free to share yours below! ✨

#BipolarDepression #BipolarDisorder #PTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Schizophrenia #ADHD #Parenting #ChronicIllness #SchizoaffectiveDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiety #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Depression #MentalHealth #selfcare #EatingDisorders #CheckInWithMe #CheerMeOn #CheerMeOn

Knowing who you can share your story, symptoms, or health experiences with is an important (and very personal) choice that may take some trial and error, and careful deliberation to come to terms with. And that’s OK.

We all have different levels of comfort and trust when it comes to opening up to others. Perhaps you feel most comfortable sharing your health details with a doctor or other health professional, a parent or sibling, a friend, or even a stranger you meet at a grocery store or in an online community like The Mighty!

Who do you feel most comfortable sharing with?

P.S. Your story is important and you deserve community and support from people who understand. 💌

#52SmallThings #CheckInWithMe #selfcare #MentalHealth #Disability #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #RareDisease #Anxiety #Depression #Autism #Parenting #PTSD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BipolarDisorder #Fibromyalgia #Lupus #MultipleSclerosis #Migraine #Spoonie