serenityprayer

Every day we encounter different situations which can trigger stress, anxiety, worry, frustration, gratitude, happiness, joy, peace, anger, sadness, etc., and when I feel like I’m ready to explode or implode and just go to sleep for a loooooong time bc I just can’t take anything, not one more thing, I stop and say the #serenityprayer
It helps me remember He is the source of my wisdom, and with His help and guidance I can sort life’s situations into two categories:
1. Things I cannot control
2. Things I can control
In return I get such peace and joy because now things are not so overwhelming! And the best part is, I can carry on with the things I can control, one task at a time!

It’s coming up to the anniversary – two years on Monday. I’m thinking about it more – although to be honest it’s still the first thing I think about most mornings when I wake up. It still renders me numb and I have to get up and get busy to distract myself from the thoughts. Sometimes my Mum is in my dreams too – sometimes she’s happy and sometimes she’s not, but I try to ‘cheer her up’ – whatever that means. Could I have saved her? It still plays on my mind every day, and then there are the triggers scattered randomly out there in the world – the car she used to drive casually driving past- a Border Collie, the same as her beloved Toby. They all remind me of her and inevitably I am drawn back to the terrible end.  
I have a copy of ‘The Serenity Prayer’ sitting on my windowsill, and the words serve to remind me of the way to go forward with my day and with the rest of my life under the weight of the grief I’ve been carrying since my Mum ended her life. I hope I can make it to the end of mine – although the doubts start to set in if I stay still for too long. I shake it off – just keep on moving – making the best of my time. That’s the plan. I hope I can make her proud somehow – redeem myself of any mistakes I may have made.
‘God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.’ Those words mean so much, especially to a suicide loss survivor.
I have a picture of my Mum on her wedding day next to the prayer to remind me that she was happy once. There’s also a statue of the buddha to remind me that she is at peace. And then there are flowers, just because she loved them. I love you Mum, I hope I can find peace too. Until we meet again 💕  #Suicide #SuicideLoss #suicidelossurvivors #Grief #MightyTogether #Depression #serenityprayer