Sorry this is kind of long but I need to get this off my chest. #rant
Mental Illness is definitely a full time job. I do what I'm supposed to (take my medication and attend therapy) but sometimes it doesn't seem like enough. Some days my mental illnesses get the best of me.
My #BipolarDisorder was a diagnosis that was hard for me to accept. Up until then, I had never seen a mental health professional. I guess that's because others didn't see anything as wrong.
Struggling to keep my moods stable is hard enough without the emotional instability of #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder . Honestly, sometimes I hate being so emotionally unstable. My BPD has made me very sensitive to criticism and harsh truths. Even if I need to hear them.
I also have #PTSD from being sexually abused for a long time. I hate the memories and flashbacks that come with it. I hate the sexual dysfunction that is occurring and how it's impacting my love life. I just want to be free of all this sometimes. Especially the #PTSD . It angers me to think that I developed that because of how someone chose to treat me.
I can't stand myself sometimes. Some days I just want to hide from the world. I suppose part of me not liking myself comes from the abuse but the emotional instability only makes things worse. The fact that I have survived so much (abuse, abandonment, self-harm and a suicide attempt) should make me feel good about myself, but it doesn't. Anyway, if you made it this far, thanks for reading.