silentscreams

I feel as though I'm not a good mother because I struggle to understand my own head and I'm scared my illness will affect my children and that I may cause them as adults to suffer with mental health, I love my babies and some days I just cant function but I scrape through for my boys and once there in bed I cry and cry and cry and fall asleep and that's when the nightmares start I want someone to empty my head of all this shit and just let me be a good mum to my children I get told I'm a good mum but I dont feel like it and it's really tormenting my head most days I dont want to be here

Silent screams lay trapped within,
Yet their tears roll down my face;
Sweet dreams unlocked a door,
Allowing past trauma to escape.

A night of darkness lay before me,
'Cause the devil came out to play;
Wreaking havoc upon my thoughts,
In every cruel and taunting way.

Stirring up deadened emotions,
Flashbacks now flood through my head;
So I numb myself to the pain,
And reach for that razor blade with dread.

It's only a matter of moments,
Before a scar will be left behind;
To remind me of the disorder,
Which changed my life on the drop of a dime.

Just know I don't cut to hurt you,
Or seek attention of any kind;
For my need is to only release,
Those silent screams still trapped in my mind.

By: Debra Brent
08.12.2019

#PTSD #CPTSD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression #Selfharm #copingskills #Anxiety #Poetry #poets #MentalHealth #silentscreams