I’m so lonely. I’m so tired of deterred dreams. I am sick of being single and I do not want to be this anymore but, no one will stay with me.
I’ve been trying to “live my best life this week”
And for me that means ignoring signs my body gives me that it’s “done” because everything lately has been so physically hard. And my body can’t do much before it Starts giving those signals.
And Tonight I’ve been sitting here in pain.
Lots and lots of pain
I don’t regret any choice I’ve made.
Or the fun I’ve had.
But that doesn’t make the pain any less painful.
And it’s made me think..
The funny thing is.
My whole chronically ill life.
I’ve always been told “ Don’t do it if it’s going to hurt you. “
But the thing is in my life.
Even Breathing literally ALWAYS hurts.
If I never did anything that hurt me.
I would literally never do anything.
But it seems like as a society as a whole.
We avoid things that cause pain..
But if you think of it.. the GREATEST things we can experience in life. Have pain as a potential “side effect”
You can’t have or ever find love.
Without risking pain.. and quite honestly the worst pain you will ever feel.
You can’t have success.. without the risk and pain of failure .
You can’t get through this life.
But Maybe pain is like the glue.
A weird.. awful glue.
That has to be stuck between the good times in our lives
Because without it.
The good times, would be wasted. Instead of appreciated.
Maybe it’s pain, that makes you appreciate a sunset.
Or the opportunity to sleep next to the person you love. Every single night.
( and maybe in my case I’m taking about that big gorgeous fluffy dog who gives the worlds best hugs 😂 #singleaf )
Because of pain.. I’ve had some Horrendously dark moments in my life..
But also. Because of pain.
Some of the smallest moments, have became so much more meaningful.
I don’t want to say “ embrace the pain”.. because it sucks.. and it’s hard .
But maybe.. in the midst of pain. Remember it has a purpose.
Just that small thought. That small reminder has helped me during a very painful night ❤️