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    What's bothering me today? Being single in 2022.

    I know its better to get it out than to keep it in so here it goes.

    This is a guy who "likes" me and I guess is trying to impress me. I no longer use medical marijuana because although it helps my anxiety it doesn't exactly help my depression so I've taken other routes to supporting my mental health that have been working. I know he's trying to be nice and "joking" but possibly because I know him, this rubbed me the wrong way and I'll tell you why later.

    Conversation on social media:

    Him: Makes post on social media of sweet treats.

    Me: You eat edibles now?

    Him: I'm getting better so I can hang with you.

    Me: I haven't done it in quite a while so you're way ahead of me.

    Him: What! Are you okay? Do I need to make a delivery. Lol

    Me:Wait...not doing eds means I'm not okay?? 🤔 Backwards nation we're living in lol 🥴

    Him: Whats up, why u not doin well? Bc you haven't had any

    Me: What?

    Him: Haven't had any weed? I'm not bein fresh

    Me:Am I suppose to have it? Lol I'm not being fresh either lol

    Him: So what do want? Drink, food or other?

    Me: I'm good. Thank you.

    Him: Np ❤️ smarty 😂😂

    Why did this conversation bother me?

    #1 : When you tell someone you're not drinking or smoking and they ask you are you okay? My question is," Why do YOU feel the need to drink and smoke and are you okay?"

    Nowadays when you choose to be sober in a drug addicted world, others see it as strange or you're the one who's not okay. 🥴 Weird.

    #2 : When you tell someone you're not drinking or smoking and they still offer or ask do you want some?

    This is my life and my journey. Of course I can always kindly and simply say no thank you but nobody should be put in the position to be questioned and to explain themselves as to why they don't want to do something that they don't want to do.

    #3 : I have a medical card and can get marijuana whenever I need it. I told him I haven't done it in quite a while but he still offered me some. I don't need a stanger dropping off weed to me. This bothers me because people who don't have access or money would have fallen into this trap and taken off their journey not to mention the safety and security concerns. I especially want women to be careful in situations like this but everyone should use their best judgment.

    #4 I get that I am who I attract and I attract who I am but come on universe what this be? Lol Right now I'm in my own little world, healing in my own little universe. I see situations like these as tests. I believe when you're moving into a new chapter in your life the universe will see if you're ready to move forward and im ready. Nothing is going to have me go backwards. Upward and onwards is the only direction I'm headed.

    #5 Why did I relate this to being single? Because we would have never met and exchanged numbers if I was in a relationship. We met twice previously and never even indulged in any weed together. He's not a bad guy but trying to impress me this way is a major turn off.

    Okay, rant done! Good night 🌃

    #Depression #MedicalMarijuana #Anxiety #Dating #weed #single #Life

    Post

    Can't seem to get out from under

    I try so hard to get out from under the many challenges of depression and other issues.
    I'm on disability and am started to work part time. I'm in a private type of subsidized housing. My son who has multiple disabilities and now is blind is trying to become independent and move out. He is really struggling.
    I don't know why, but my rent is being raised $50 per month. I'm barely making it financially now. I was badly scammed and had fraud and identity theft be ause I was so stressed out I didn't realize until too late that the people calling and pressuring me were a scam.
    I have severe medical issues that require surgeries and I won't get paid for the time because I'm new and part time.
    I have lost all my friends due to my depression and other illnesses. I have really failed in life. I'm a single mom and have tried hard but failed my son in many ways. I'm afraid we are going to end up homeless.
    I hate the system. I got off it before and I wish I had never gotten back on but I ended up back in the hospital. I am angry at mental illness. I am angry people judge me so harshly. I'm angry at the trap the disability system puts me in.it is so hard to not be angry at myself because I haven't gotten better and succeeded.
    I've been doing this for decades and I am old now, and feel worse in my depression, etc. than I ever felt. I honestly can't think clearly enough about how this is going to work out. I will try to talk to the property manager. The rent will probably go up more because I haven't reported I'm working. I feel like there is no way out and no way I'm going to make it, but that is my depression talking.
    I'm sorry to be a downer. That is why I have no friends. No one wants to be around a depressed person. I'm supposed to be positive. #Depression #alone #struggling #Finances #single mom #Not making it

    Post
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    #Valentines #lonely #Autism #OCD #ADHD #Christian #single

    Valentines is always a really hard day for me. I’m 32 I‘ve never had a girlfriend. I’m so lonely 😭 I want to have someone to share life with. This day is so painful 😓 the picture attached is just a little bit of humor based of the Portal games. But I seriously am really lonely 😩 I don’t know if anyone could love me or would want to be with me. I don’t have a job though I’m trying to start my own business. I’m on SSDI. Is marriage even a possibility for someone like me? If I can’t even provide enough is there still a woman who would have me?
    I feel so defective. What kind of a husband would I be? I have a desire to be a good husband for some to be able to provide for a wife and children. I don’t want to be selfish and marry just because I desire to. I want to be able to bless the woman who would be my wife.

    Post
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    Single at wedding again #single #singlesawareness #sad #Anxiety

    I am about to go to a wedding reception again. By myself. As a friend of the groom. We were never an item, he's 15years younger than me, though his family questioned out friendship. I am stoked that he's getting married, I talked to him being excited while dating, I was dating. But my relationship with a guy that's depressed, ended.
    I have anxiety about stupid remarks from his family. Feeling like Bambi, going to the lions.

    But he's my friend and I'll go but boy, it takes guts to be single. 🥺

    Who can relate...

    Post

    filling the void

    for the first time since i was young, i have been filling the void with validation/sex from women and men (
    going from one bad relationship to the next, being promiscious
    its raw and the feeling of lonliness creeps up, but for the first time in my life i am single and learning to love myself
    any advice for the empty feeling ?
    #BipolarDepression #BipolarDisorder #Lonliness #Healing #Selflove #single #Trauma #BPD #Void

    Post

    Anybody Single and Living Alone with Chronic Illness?

    Sometimes I am very grateful that no one lives with me. I don't have anyone questioning my condition and what I can and cannot do and what I should and should not be doing. It is a judgment free zone, other than the times I judge myself. 😁 I do, however, at times feel that the right companionship could be another layer of healing. Healthy companionship and having someone to pour yourself into and vice versa, can do wonders for the mind, body, and spirit. What say you?🌻 #single

    Question

    Is disabled synonymous with single? I hope not but it seems that way...

    #single

    Post

    Self worth low

    Watched the Hunchback of Notre Dam and a song came one called heavens light, and it stated “No face as hideous as my face, was ever meant for Heavens light”. And I cried and cried because part of me intrically believes that’s me. Self worth at an all time low. My ex boyfriend told me I would be prettier if I lost weight is on repeat in my head. #Selfworth #single

    Post

    Online dating with BPD

    I've been single for well over 2 years. It has been an excruciating couple few years. Part of me is proud that (as someone with borderline personality disorder) I haven't completely lost it. I had never even been single for more than 6 months since high school.

    I've been on and off of dating apps. I've begun to notice that my attachment is happening quicker than I would prefer.

    I was talking to this woman who would have been perfect for my BPD. But I got all weird and ruined it. She brought attention to the fact that we had been talking everyday for a week. I hadn't noticed. Once she mentioned it, I went down the rabbit hole with it. All of a sudden it was over. I started freaking out about what it meant and what it could mean. Naturally, that meant that my BPD was going to ruin it, or her.

    It was an awkward week after that, but the next week was on point. I asked her about meeting up (that first week we talked about it all the time) but she made a point to reiterate only as friends. I am always offended when I am told multiple times is only as friend. So then I went borderline again. Then she used words that trigger me. And that was it. I blew up her phone, apologizing and ending "it."

    When that happens and I disassociate it is like I have zero control. I know I'm doing it, I don't want to do it, but it is like someone else is driving my body. At times an internal struggle with myself. Sometimes, I can hold off for a bit of time, but it always picks back up.

    This chick could have been rad. As per usual I fucked it up before it started. This is the second time this year. When things like this happen I tend to give up dating for awhile. I'm terrified of hurting anyone the way I had before. I don't want anyone to suffer because of me.

    #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPD #OnlineDating #online #Lesbian #Depression #MentalHealth #MentalHealth #Dissassociating #singleforever #single #singleforever