#MightyPoets Not Part of My Plan
Not Part Of My Plan
“ How to learn to ride a long board while wearing oxygen .”
“ How to successfully learn to sign the letter N with swollen hands “
This wasn’t part of my plan.
I dance to the beat of my own nebulizer
Smile through the pain .. and laugh through all I can’t begin to understand.
This wasn’t part of my plan
Why does it feel like I’m mourning a piece of me .
How did a treatment that made me so sick..
Become a sense of security?
Coughs and sneezes sending shivers down my spine .
Reminding me how before IVIG .
Mucus And fluid filled my lungs like a toxic kiddie pool
Time . After time. After time.
A red little pill is suppose to be my failing lungs saving grace
Eliminating illness before it can take its place.
But how could that work?
How can it be fine.?
A stupid little pill
I take half the time.
Will my hands lock in place
( like they did before )
Yearning to be free
Will my stomach once again inflate like a balloon
Sucking away my appetite and energy.
My mind constantly falls down a rabbit hole. Of what “ could be “.
Leaving a permanent kind of fear coursing through me.
When my councilor asked where I see myself 10 years in the future.
With tears threatening to escape my eyes.
I said “ hopefully there “
Envy constricting around my heart .
Reminding me that life isn’t fair.
I understand it all will be fine .. in the concept of eternity.