I’m having a extremely hard time. Having these feelings rushing through my head. Feeling worthless ,feeling unloved ,and unwanted, feeling like I’m not needed, feeling like everybody hates me, feeling alone . All these thoughts are running through my mind constantly. There’s no shutting it off. Can’t stop crying.
Today out of no where I burst into tears. I was alone with my thoughts and I felt so empty and lost. I knew I had things to do and take care of yet my body felt so drained. I couldn't find my way to accomplish what I needed to. Then of course, like old times, comes the self depreciating negative thoughts. "I am not where I should be in my life, that I am a lazy loser and I have nothing and no one in this world". I don't want that pendulum and I try to fight it but then I look at the clock and while I am fighting myself, I am also fighting time. I have tried gratitude journal and self affirmations. But i cant get myself there if I don't believe them. It is like i am lying to myself and i am grateful for so many things but it also shines a light on my greatest failures. I am pushing myself to keep going but all I see is all the plates I keep dropping and all the people I am disappointing everyday. It physical hurts to hide my pain and sadness to put on a mask just to get through my day bc no one wants to be around me bc I am such a bummer to be around when I am feeling low. I feel like I could scream. My whole life has been flipped on its head and I feel like skin is the only thing keeping me together. People don't have to say they are disappointed, bc I feel it and I hear it in their voices and in their body language. It is not enough I can barely give myself enough breath of energy to get out of bed but to be kicked down and torn to pieces along the way sure has a way of taking the Depression to another level. I feel like I am suffocating in my sorrow and I don't have a life raft anywhere. I just keep sinking and I don't know where to start to get my life back on track. #Sinking #Selfdeprecation #Suffocating #Skindeep
Just when I was beginning to get somewhere with my depression again I find myself wondering what the heck do I have to keep going for? The past few days have been horrendous for me and I can't concentrate yet again or function properly yet again. I just feel like I should throw in the towel now and forget everything that I've done so far because it just isn't worth carrying on any longer. I'm done with life and done with everything else.
I'm not sure if this is uniquely BPD but I haven't met anyone else who can relate to feeling this deeply so I can't help but wonder if it is.
When a death occurs, I don't process it. i feel absolutely nothing and then immediately block out the information. Inevitably, though, I remember and it suddenly feels like I'm hit by a bus. I feel as though the death is happening inside of me and I feel like I'm sinking into the floor. It's all I can think about and then it becomes this vacuum where time freezes and the little bit of identity that I I have found is replaced by pain and loss. It happens a lot in life but lately it has become entirely too much when it concerns death.
I'm wondering if anyone else can relate to this experience or just in general feeling emotions so intensely you become them.
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Borderline #BPD #Death #Grief #Loss #Pain #Sinking #Emotion
#Depression
we have our ups and downs, I'm in such a low point right now just need someone who understands like really understands not just words, I have no hope.......
I feel like my mental health is a boulder sitting on my chest, and I’m waiting for it to fall of so I can breathe, or crush me so I don’t have to. I feel myself sinking farther and farther as this boulder pushes me down, but I can find a way out. #Depression #Sinking
Finally realising the enormous influence my ex has over our young adult child.
Others have tried to warn/inform me but i didn't have the courage to face it.
Have now seen it for myself and am shattered.
#CheckInWithMe
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