sucidal

Im just a burden.

I have the fairly new friend (it’s been less than a year) but we got really close really fast. Over the last several months we both have been struggling with our mental health. I got through my rough patch relatively fast, it wasn’t my first time dealing with one. My friend on the other hand was, and still is, in a really dark place. She’s been dealing with depression, anxiety, adhd, suicide attempts and self harm. She doesn’t talk to anyone, even when she was in a mental health facility she lied about everything so she could get out of there. I can tell she is going through a lot and she’s struggling. However I am finally in a really happy place, and have completely changed my mindset on life. I constantly worry about my friend though, I want to make sure that she is okay and help anyway I can but sometimes I feel like she is my responsibility, or if something happens to her I’ll be to blame because I didn’t do enough. I can tell these kind of thoughts and feelings are bad for my mental health so I try and keep and healthy distance while still being supportive. Things are getting worse for her though and I feel like if I don’t step in to help it will be my fault. How can I help my friend who is suicidal while still maintaining my mental health?

There’s nothing more I want than to be dead. I freaking don’t care! I just don’t get what I did?! I don’t know and I hate it when people say no we’re not acting in a certain way. Like seriously?!
My mom is unbelievable. I usually never say anything but for once I did say something and I supported my brother in him saying that our mother does not have equality between her kids. And that she doesn’t admit it! My mom stopped talking to me and believes she hasn’t done anything wrong. If I feel neglected it’s not her fault. If I feel she has a completely different relationship with my siblings I’m wrong. If I say she doesn’t care about how I feel, I’m wrong. If she says that she knows when her one kid is sad but I clearly feel it’s not true in my case, I’m wrong! I’m freaking wrong everytime.
And then to top it all I don’t like people anymore. I hate uni, I hate not having friends, I hate myself. I just wish something would happen and I’d be dead. Like a car hits me, or I get some sort of disease, or I fall down the stairs and die, or someone shoots me.
I don’t wanna live!
Yes my life’s perfect for everyone else but it’s not for me. It freaking isn’t! I hate every bit of it!
#Depression #Death #Suicide #sucidal #Hatemylife

#SuicideOnTheBrain

I know I've posted a bunch today, but I don't know what to do. I have no motivation to do anything, I feel like crap and lazy because I don't
want to do anything. I can't pull myself out of this, and it sucks. My throat is so tight that it's painful, and I can't do anything about it. I feel so weak because I can't get out of this. I want to get rid of life, but I don't want to die, exactly. It's confusing and complicated. I don't know what to do. If you have any advice, I'm open for suggestions, or ideas. I want to get out of this, without hurting anybody. Please help me.