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When the memories hit hard on a daily basis #MentalHealth

It is a brand new day.

I tell myself that every day I wake up. But almost immediately, I start thinking about my past and how I've made it to this new day. These feeling of abandonment from friends and my ex cause me to feel like I don't know what I am really fighting this all for anymore. I've taken my dog each morning to help ease my mind, but the negative thoughts just. keep. coming back.

How can I fix these relationships? How can I move past these relationships? The people who I thought I could trust no longer want to deal with me as a friend since I basically chose the side of my ex and my career. I feel like I abandoned them for what I thought was could be true love and a career where I would shine. But I was laid off from the company and haven't found work still. This sent me into a spiral and caused my relationship to fall in pieces. My mind hasn't been right since that day where I basically lost my biggest family. The thoughts of the day just. keep. coming. back.

The day my ex broke up with me is the memory that is almost on my mind every day. Everything she said that day has been a lie in regards to actually wanting to still be friends and that she cares for me. She almost never reaches out to me and never picks up my phone call (Why even bother anymore?). I know this is just a typical heartbreak, but how do you do tell people you still want to be friends after a breakup, yet really don't even communicate. It's left me lost and heartbroken with no hope of finding love again. I know in the back of my mind, things between us will never work out and I don't want them to anymore. I'm trying my best to let it all go, but it just. keeps. coming back.

So what have I learned from all this?

A lot about myself and frankly what's really important now. Things can get cloudy because of jobs and relationships, but I need to put myself FIRST from here on. It's been hard but I'm finally speaking to my family who I've had trouble speaking to about my #Depression and my #Anxiety basically all of my life. I've never wanted to show them my "signs of weakness." I finally had the courage to admit that I needed to seek help and they understand what I've been going through on a daily basis. I've also been reading more about #MentalHealth on multiple website and learning about what others have been facing. It has helped me to stay positive that others are willing to be vulnerable with me and it gives me the courage to be vulnerable to them. I personally can't tell you how to fix your problems, but my band-aids lately have been being vulnerable to everyone (Don't Be Afraid to Speak Up or Ask for Help!), becoming aware of the issues and symptoms, taking walks, and just simply finding ways to keep myself busy. Without these bandaids, I would be dead.

I am still #survivinglife and you are too if you are reading this. So please keep being vulnerable, positive, and find the right consistency to help moving your day forward. We got this.  



If I could draw, it would be an image of me, at my desk, in a meeting, looking thoughtful and nodding, with metal claws embedded in my gut and spine, just quietly tearing me apart. But slowly, not enough to stop me entirely. Slowly digging in a little further, microns, each day. Some days a little worse, some days a lot worse, other days don’t seem so deep. Always there. The people around me don’t have these claws embedded in them. Just me. Maybe someone off in the distance has that same look, those same claws, or their own version of it. Their existence a similar experience, but we may never realise, because the claws are invisible.

There is some unknown, unknowable force, that manifests and drives those weapons. It has a name, nebulous and nonsensical. An acronym, legitimising. Ah, EDS, sage nodding etc. Tearing at me, seeking to destroy. But slowly. No rush. Like a parasite, needing its host until it can create the next generation.

Joke’s on it, the buck stops here. With me. End of the line. It doesn't listen to reason on any front, so I’m safe to admit that.
#EhlersDanlosSyndrome #survivinglife


Broken #MightyPoets #survivinglife

Somewhere between my Celtic Consciousness and the wild Indian my parents feared
Lies the Wasteland that is my life.
Forever haunted, Death my Guardian Angel,
Forever broken, never whole.
Trying to fly upon broken wings,
Another fallen angel who will never reach the sky.
Abandoned, trying to repair the mistakes of my parents and the distant past.
Seeking answers to the mysteries hinted at, but left unspoken.
I stand tall upon this mountain top,
My tears falling like hot rain.
I pray for the snows to come as my Kabuki make-up streams down my face.
In this cold, black night I dream of Kyoto and a Shinto Shrine that is there,
Offering up prayers to the Kami all around and Great Spirit,
I cry my pain into the ever deepening velvet night,
Wondering who I am and where I truly belong.
Scares are everywhere, body and soul.
Yet, like the Emperor's Jade, I am beautiful...
Everything is sacred,
Everything is connected.


It’s Fall here and the colors are beautiful. Unfortunately, so are the bruises on my body from my meds. How do you cope with them? #survivinglife




I as both the mother of a child (now 36) with chronic connective tissue disorder (CTD), and as an adult with the same chronic illness. My son is the 3rd consecutive generation with Marfan Syndrome. We have fought many battles, and learned a great deal along the way. I'm also a caretaker for my younger sister with Marfans. Sis has been called "a medical miracle" and "definitely a fighter." I've watched, and personally experienced the impact becoming "disabled" has on one's life. It's so important to have/find a support system, and creat new routine(s) to bring joy. My best to all the #mightywarriors . #survivinglife #creatingjoy