When the memories hit hard on a daily basis #MentalHealth
It is a brand new day.
I tell myself that every day I wake up. But almost immediately, I start thinking about my past and how I've made it to this new day. These feeling of abandonment from friends and my ex cause me to feel like I don't know what I am really fighting this all for anymore. I've taken my dog each morning to help ease my mind, but the negative thoughts just. keep. coming back.
How can I fix these relationships? How can I move past these relationships? The people who I thought I could trust no longer want to deal with me as a friend since I basically chose the side of my ex and my career. I feel like I abandoned them for what I thought was could be true love and a career where I would shine. But I was laid off from the company and haven't found work still. This sent me into a spiral and caused my relationship to fall in pieces. My mind hasn't been right since that day where I basically lost my biggest family. The thoughts of the day just. keep. coming. back.
The day my ex broke up with me is the memory that is almost on my mind every day. Everything she said that day has been a lie in regards to actually wanting to still be friends and that she cares for me. She almost never reaches out to me and never picks up my phone call (Why even bother anymore?). I know this is just a typical heartbreak, but how do you do tell people you still want to be friends after a breakup, yet really don't even communicate. It's left me lost and heartbroken with no hope of finding love again. I know in the back of my mind, things between us will never work out and I don't want them to anymore. I'm trying my best to let it all go, but it just. keeps. coming back.
So what have I learned from all this?
A lot about myself and frankly what's really important now. Things can get cloudy because of jobs and relationships, but I need to put myself FIRST from here on. It's been hard but I'm finally speaking to my family who I've had trouble speaking to about my #Depression and my #Anxiety basically all of my life. I've never wanted to show them my "signs of weakness." I finally had the courage to admit that I needed to seek help and they understand what I've been going through on a daily basis. I've also been reading more about #MentalHealth on multiple website and learning about what others have been facing. It has helped me to stay positive that others are willing to be vulnerable with me and it gives me the courage to be vulnerable to them. I personally can't tell you how to fix your problems, but my band-aids lately have been being vulnerable to everyone (Don't Be Afraid to Speak Up or Ask for Help!), becoming aware of the issues and symptoms, taking walks, and just simply finding ways to keep myself busy. Without these bandaids, I would be dead.
I am still #survivinglife and you are too if you are reading this. So please keep being vulnerable, positive, and find the right consistency to help moving your day forward. We got this.