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To the person who nearly took my soul #narcissisticabusesurvivor #parentalalienation #DomesticAbuseSurvivors #SexualAbuseSurvivors #Survivorsofsuicide

sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision
To save myself from you
The person who took me for granted for years
And still continues to do

For too many years you told me I was not worthy
I still now question myself
You killed the girl that I once was
You fucked my mental health

The endless nights I wished that just once
I could be heard when I said no
The guilt trips if I didn’t satisfy your needs
My disgust I tried not to show

The torment you caused our babies
As a weapon they are used
Your accusations of me going insane
I was, I was abused

To the person who assumed he’d won
And that I was broken in two
Well I was, your right but now I’m stronger than you

For the broken pieces formed a shield
From you thats unbreakable
To the person who played all his cards at once
Well my hand is still full

To the person who thought I was dead inside
And never thought I’d survive
You nearly had me there for a while but now I’m more alive

I guess what I want to say although I never dreamed I would
To the person who stole my entire world
And still feels he should

Thank you for the strength you gave me
I now realise how amazing i can be
Without your abuse near killing me
These things I’d never see

So from the bottom of this heart of steel
I truely want to say
That nothing in this world can break me now
Without u I wouldn’t be this way.

You started a war with the very person
Whom is a victim to your crime
You never will win when I learned from you
I’m a step ahead every time

I don’t believe in karma as I never deserved
The shit I endured from you
But I now realise u we’re bringing me down
Cos I was always above you



Those Who Are Left Behind... #Survivorsofsuicide

They say addiction affects at least six loved ones and suicide is the at least the same. My brother, an addict albeit a functioning one, took his life six years ago. My brother-in-law, an addict as well, took his life almost a year to the day before my own brother. Needless to say, my husband and I are still devastated. I want people who are thinking of suicide to reach out - talk to someone, anyone, and consider your options. Death is final and those who love you will never recover. I am a suicide survivor because I was left behind to grieve and question and clean up the mess. I am a suicide survivor because my love was not enough. My brother sent me this quote once and it's appropriate for those wondering about their self-worth or their chances for a future: "What if I fail? Oh, my darling, but what if you fly?" Fly all of you to another minute, hour, day, life! It is worth it.


Wake up call

Another night punctuated w/dreams where I’m desperately searching for my son. The son I lost to suicide almost 2 years ago. I can’t keep waking up like this. The pounding heart. The aching chest. The horrible feeling that it’s my fault that I can’t find him.

I started trauma therapy once right after Damien died. The therapist wasn’t a great fit, I got frustrated & quit. I never went back. Having a best friend who at this point has descended into full-blown alcoholism, after losing her son 2 decades ago, I should know better. I should know that I stand a chance of struggling equally as much if I don’t get my collective “stuff” together.

I’m a nurse. I know better. But man am I scared to open the Pandora’s box inside my head w/a stranger again.

But I’m more scared not to.

#CheckInWithMe #PTSD #Survivorsofsuicide