theoutdoors

I am 24 and have always loved sports and the outdoors. I grew up extremely athletic and while I was always in some amount of pain and frequently endured injuries, I persisted because I loved it so much. I no longer play any sports but my favorite thing in the world is hiking and backpacking. The backcountry is the only place in the world where my anxiety relaxes and I feel truly at peace (the constant buzz of electricity is quelled). However, more and more frequently, debilitating pain stops me in my tracks. Some days are fine and I am able to do these activities but other days I am unable to walk simply after working all day. When I was younger I could grit my teeth and make it happen; now, I am simply unable to do things. I have had a lifelong dream of hiking the Continental Divide Trail but I am coming to terms with the fact that this may be impossible for me.

I guess this rant has to do with the question of should I use the rest of my body while I still can or aim for longevity? Should I continue to do the things I love for the next couple of years? Will the earth even be hike-able in the future anyway?

Additionally, my partner and I have always dreamt of hiking and backpacking together for as long as we are able and I feel constantly guilty that I will hold him back.

An aside: I am really struggling with envy toward able bodied people who choose to not be active with their bodies. I know that not everyone loves activity and the outdoors but it really stings when they can and I feel robbed.

#Grief #young #theoutdoors