TiredbutTrying

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    That feeling #thatfeeling

    Why is it that I often find myself wishing my condition would get bad enough that they would be forced to get me to the hospital to finally get relief? Am I the only one feeling that way? #TiredbutTrying

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    I didn't write this, but I feel this to my core.

    For the exhausted woman who showers a few minutes longer to cry with the water...

    For the person hidden in the bathroom, because she needs a few minutes of tranquility while slipping tears from her eyes.

    For the woman who is so tired that she feels she can't continue, that she would give anything to feel like herself again...

    For the woman who cries in her room when everyone leaves the house and for a moment she let's go...

    For the woman who desperately battles with self Confidence when wearing denim pants because she wants to look pretty and wear them to feel better but everything just climbs over or can't close...

    For the woman who orders pizza for dinner because she didn’t have the time to make dinner again as she expected... Because she's tired.

    For the woman who feels alone, even when she's accompanied.

    You're worth a lot.
    You are important.
    You are enough.
    You are wonderful...
    God loves you!
    I love you...💯 #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #DDD #SpinalFusion #exhaustion #TiredbutTrying #lonely #worthy

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    Meh

    Today is the first day I haven’t uncontrollably cried in over two weeks, and yet I still feel meh. I met up with one of my closest friends, went to the gym, and have been studying. Its the most I’ve done in a few weeks, and it’s the first time I felt some enjoyment in what I’ve been doing in a while. But I still feel just.. meh. I don’t know how else to describe it besides with “meh.” I guess restless, empty, anxious, and still slightly depressed.. meh covers that. And man do I feel EXHAUSTED. My therapist told me to expect that. I typically have insomnia, so the amount I’ve been sleeping has been throwing me off, especially since I’m drained after doing what is typically part of my daily routine and sleeping constantly. Despite the exhaustion and other emotions I’m feeling, I feel really hopeful. Hopeful that tomorrow I’ll feel a little less tired and a little more motivated and excited about my day ahead. Hopeful that I am finally coming out of this depressed hole I’ve been in the past few weeks. Hopeful that I’m getting back to being me. So for now I’ll continue being tired, but I’ll also continue trying. #Depression #Anxiety #TiredbutTrying

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    Tired but Still Trying

    This is my first post on here, so I’m honestly a little intimidated- but I figure even if only one person sees this and can relate, it will still be therapeutic to let go of what’s been on my mind. I’m unsure of where to start, so i figure why not just dive right in?

    When I was 14, my dad died by suicide. With that came an onslaught of mental changes for me, which can be wrapped up in the diagnosis of “PTSD.” I remember feeling surprised when I found out what I had- in my mind PTSD is reserved only for those who have been to war, or were through a similarly traumatizing event like being a fire fighter, a police officer.. someone risking their life to protect others and who have witnessed horrible things. In a lot of ways, I think that’s why I’ve only ever shared my diagnosis with a handful of people- Im still educating myself on what PTSD truly is. Not even my family knows that I have PTSD, and I think in a lot of ways it’s because I’m still coming to grips with my own diagnosis and understanding how it impacts me on a daily basis. Typically, I would say my anxiety is the fore runner and dictates my life. I have what a call a nifty little tool kit with several strategies and meditations I’m ready to use when my anxiety is more intense than usual, or even when I’m just having a harder day coping as a consistently mildly anxious human. My depression typically presents itself in short, but intense bursts that last a few miserable days and then I’m back to just being my anxious self again. Lately, though that’s been different. The last two weeks I have felt an emptiness I haven’t felt since my dad first passed away. I have no motivation, no enjoyment, I’m constantly tired, and I’m constantly crying. I feel nothing and everything at the same time. It’s an awful, uncontrollable feeling that my tool box has been unable to help. So I wallowed in misery in my bed for several days, using my cat as a tissue and forcing extra snuggles on her. And then my boyfriend finally convinced me it was time to see my counselor again. And that sounds like common sense, but part of my PTSD is that when I’m triggered I avoid others and isolate myself. And throughout it, I become increasingly irritable and snap at those trying to help me at the flip of a switch. Which makes me feel guilt and shame. It’s just a mess of a cycle that feels like there’s no end to it. And yet.. i went to counseling and gained a new perspective. I am so tired, but man am I TRYING. I have no motivation, and yet four days a week I have been dragging myself to the gym. It may take me 3 hours to finally tell myself its time to get out of bed, but I do it. I may hate the thing I normally love, but I do it. I may be barely eating and have no appetite, but I eat those three small meals a day to keep me going. I may feel an empty, lonely void at work and dread interacting with coworkers.. but i do it. So here’s to waiting it out, to being tired, but to trying. #Depression #Anxiety #TiredbutTrying

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