whydoidothis

Does anyone else with Borderline shut down and go into people pleasing mode, whenever someone older or viewed as an athority over yourself is stern or becomes cross with you? I’m new to learning my triggers and DBT. My counselor is out on medical leave for the month so I’m on my own attempting to identify my emotions. I am not sure what I’m feeling right now. It’s like a mixture of shame and fear. Is that even possible to have comorbid emotions like this. Whenever someone whom I view as an elder or person of authority is stern or angry with me I shut down. I freeze like a deer in headlights. I retreat and go into a form of auto pilot. Like I do and say whatever is wanted regardless of validity or honesty in my words and/or actions there after. For the duration in the remaining interaction with that individual. It’s like I panic in a way. So, I start jumping through the hoops of whatever it is that person wants or needs from me so they will no longer be aggressive or angry with me. Does anybody else do this? If so, what tools do you use that keep you from exhibiting these childish behaviors of wanting to hide from the scary monster in your blanket fort when someone viewed as more adult than yourself gets mad or stern with you? #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #whydoidothis #Panicmode #DissociativeIdentityDisorder

I have recently created a few situations which I know is completely my fault I’m defiantly not passing the buck or not accepting responsibility... but now my issue is undoing the chaos I made and don’t want to be in anymore. It’s also the fun act of damage control... please note the sarcasm... has there ever been situations you have wanted but after consideration it’s not something you want to do anymore but feel your in to deep? My ex and I have spent a lot of time apart and have reconnected distantly.. however going back down memory lane I see how bad we were for each other and how toxic we were... it feels like when you only see the good parts of someone you forget about the bad parts.. the walking on eggshells... the addiction... the stupid cycle that it is.. but now I’m in too deep and I know if I back off now I’m going to feel the raft that is deep within him... Yes I know I should just do me but i honestly just don’t want to feel all those gross emotions but like the cycle before this one and the one before that it unfortunately has to be done for my sanity #Attachments #onalityDisorder #Anxiety #che #whydoidothis

Sometimes I do things that I just don't understand and I'm trying so hard to forgive myself for them but I can't help but be disappointed when I do them. I just lied to my therapist about having a migraine because I didn't feel like having our phone therapy sessions today and because I feel exhausted today physically. I'm so embarrassed and ashamed of myself but I think it's because I have a depressive episode on the way because last night I sort of started clicking on Amazon and couldn't stop buying stuff with money I don't really have.