workingwithdepression

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After years of being unemployable due to extreme mental health issues, how does one become employable?

After about two years of not working and trying to keep my mental illness at bay, I have found myself cut off emotionally and financially from my family. Which means I need to work! I have never not been offered a job that I have interviewed for, however, within months, sometimes weeks, I deteriorate and end up quitting or losing the job. Once I get to the job, I’m
Fine and feel a sense of pride that I have done my job-but getting there is a bear! The alarm goes off and lay there not wanting to participate in life. Then my mind starts to get creative with excuses for not going into work. In my sleepy-ness and dread to function I can justify any excuse not to show up. How do I function as a worker among workers when, up until this point, I have been enabled not to work, find no pride in my work, battle boundaries around over sharing with coworkers, all the while dealing with a depression hole that seems impossible to climb my way out of. How can I worry about customer experience when, by three hours into my shift, I have thought about how much easier it would be on me and my family if I just didn’t exist.... then on the rare occasion I find a job I actually love, I go above and beyond for months. Hoping for recognition or a pat on the back. When that doesn’t come not only do I get resentful I experience burnout. Ugh! #workingwithdepression

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People I Work With #workingwithdepression

colleague: how are you this morning?

me: well, I made it to work and have pants on, so we’re going to count that as a win

colleague: *laughs* yeah, I totally feel you

my brain: nope, we’re serious

me: haha, yeah

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The Fine Art of Surfacing

That didnt work how I expected and I couldn't see how to edit it. Basically I had a bad'ish episode in Feb/March with my BiPolar Type 2, navigating my condition but for 5/6 weeks I was in a bad place most of the time.  Since then I have really tried to keep working and keep at work though from an integrity point of view its quite difficult because in the last 4/5 months I have had about 7/8 days where I just haven't been able to get out of bed first thing, Just sudden mornings  where Ive got no get up & go, Im blue and I just want to crawl up in a foetal position in my bed for the day.  on a couple of these days I have by the afternoon been able to WFH and get some stuff done.  What I'm interested in is other people who are navigating their condition in the workplace especially as its so exhausting on the days when you are only 75/80% and you still need to crack on through.  I have a few tools but they are mainly of the moment, I have some playlists that I can listen to and I have mindfulness that I turn to.  I do worry about what others think of me when Im absent at short notice and that can really f$%k my head up but Im out at work so people do know that I have BiPolar at work and know to a degree that there is a random element to it, I hate it when i feel like a passenger on days when Im working but Im only 50% but it does in the longer run feel better to be at work than not.
Outside of work I have found that my poetry has helped me and also I have taken up Improv comedy and that has been a really safe space to play with creativity and fun. I think it would be good if we could talk about what helps us in the workplace in navigating life with mental health challenges.
For my mania I have spotters in the work place as I dont ever notice the mania coming on and that helps deal with the fact that when Im manic Im quite rude and I just go at 100mph from work to work, meeting to meeting.
Anyway I would be interested to hear from people regards navigating work.

#Bipolar2 #MentalHealth #workingwithdepression #workingwithbipolar #Toolbox

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