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NON-JUDGEMENT: 3rd of 9 Foundational Attitudes of Mindfulness As Part of Resilience

It is in the full definition of Mindfulness itself — we must remember that mindfulness is not just being in the present moment, it must be “awareness of the present moment Without Judgment.”

Or stated this way:

“Paying attention in a certain way -on purpose, in the present moment, Non-Judgmentally.”

Non-Judgment in itself, as well as, when utilized along with the other 9 attitudes of the mental wellness state of mindfulness that I discuss in this group, is a game-changer when put into practice.

There have been many articles and books written about the practice of Non-Judgment.

One of my original teachers of this is the very well-known Gabrielle (Gabby) Bernstein.

This is where I learned to utilize this transformative go-to short statement every time something arises in my mind that could be a wrong judgment and could cause all kinds of chaos for no reason:

“I choose to judge nothing that occurs.”

I am going to go in-depth about this here, because it is that important.

It even has helped me tremendously in my marriage which I am very proud to say, with my dedication to mindfulness as a new way of life, and with my emotional intelligence growth that I keep sharing with you, I have taught my husband how he needs to grow along with me, and due to my persistence to create a life that I want to live, our marriage going on 15 years has evolved into what I shaped it into, based on my values, and my mental health needs. And he is a tough one, to say the very least. He never would have grown at all otherwise.

Non-Judgement of myself too has been a game-changer for me to learn one of the biggest lessons of all of life that I was not taught growing up— Self-Love.

And that my friends, is something we cannot afford to not master, so I will dedicate another post at another time to that Key to Everything.

Every time the impulse to decide whether something is good, bad, right, wrong, ugly or pretty arises, stop and say, “I choose to judge nothing that occurs.”

Everytime you see someone and think “they should” or “they shouldn’t”, “that’s good” or “that’s bad”, “she’s right” or “she’s wrong”, instead, just observe and don’t comment to yourself or others. Go cold turkey and stop judging totally for a period of time. Do a judgment detox.

A judgment detox means giving up judgment of all things. Judgment of self, others, the world, things that happen or don’t happen.

Choose to say these things to yourself instead:
“Today I choose to accept all that is for what it is – nothing more, nothing less.” You can also say to yourself daily -“Judging serves no purpose”.

You may find that you will have more peace. You may find that you feel less anxious because you are not having to figure everything out. You may find that you start observing life more and trusting more.

How much of your time and energy is taken up judging what is right, wrong, good or bad for everybody and everything? How much of your time today do you spend trying to predict the future? “That would just be terrible” or “If I do this, then I’ll be miserable.”
Or “If I do this it will make me happy”.

How would your life be different if you stopped judging and evaluating everyone and everything? Think about it. We evaluate everything. We put a value on everything. We are assigning meaning to things.

We spend a lot of time analyzing, criticizing, and pretending we know what’s good/bad, right/wrong, and on and on and on.

The real danger lies in becoming attached to our judgments.
Believing you really know what’s right or wrong, especially for someone else, can be very hurtful and damaging.
But also, we can’t assign meaning to something someone does because we might not be looking at the real reasons why they do it or don’t do it, that could have nothing to do with us intentionally.

If you want to dive into this deeper, you can read one Gabrielle Bernstein’s New York Times Bestsellers:“Judgment Detox: Release the beliefs that hold you back from living a better life.”

If you are like me and love extracting all of the teachings within the best article, here’s her articles website link: Gabby Bernstein Blog Articles | Informative Articles From Gabby

The critical ways I learned to apply non-judgement to my marriage and to my life choices I also learned from Kathy Murphy, PhD in her Article “Today I Will Judge Nothing.”

She discussed how our judgments have ruined many a good relationship.

The problem is we think we do know. Then we become limited by our perceptions and beliefs. We become bound by what we think we know and may be missing some of the greatest opportunities and lessons of our lives.

In addition, how does one design a life without making judgments, without deciding what’s good or bad or what’s right or wrong? We do need to be able to make choices for our lives, but maybe we need some new strategies for making these decisions. We can recognize and admit that all we really have are our preferences, our desires, our opinions, and our best guesses. With this information we discern what would be our best choice for today giving credence to the reality that “you never really know” how it will turn out. It’s a subtle yet powerful shift to change our language from what is right or wrong, good or bad to simply stating what we prefer.

Mindfulness Attitude of Non-Judging is cultivated by assuming the stance of an impartial witness to your own experience. To do this requires that you become aware of the constant stream of judging and reacting to inner and outer experiences that we are all normally caught up in, and learn to step back from it. When we begin practicing paying attention to the activity of our own mind, it is common to discover and be surprised by the fact that we are constantly generating judgments about our experience.

#MentalHealth #Mindfulness #MajorDepressiveDisorder #BipolarDepression #BipolarDisorder #Depression #Agoraphobia #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Addiction #ChronicIllness #ChronicFatigue #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #IfYouFeelHopeless #Cancers #AnorexiaNervosa #EatingDisorders #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Fibromyalgia #Selfcare #Selfharm #Grief #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #Suicide #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #PTSD #Trauma #RareDisease #SocialAnxiety #Fibromyalgia #Loneliness #Migraine #CerebralPalsy #MultipleSclerosis #ParkinsonsDisease #MoodDisorders #MotorDisorders #PersistentDepressiveDisorder #ADHD #Relationships #FamilyAndFriends

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Leaning on knowing my Resilience -Personal Example

Yesterday to this morning for me is another example of why I am so thankful every day that I took the University of Pennsylvania’s online course on learning and applying resilience skills, so grateful that I typed up every single word that was taught, and that I recently started this group to share this critical knowledge from the actual people that researched this.

U. of Penn’s definition of Resilience is not only the ability to bounce back from adversity, but also the ability to grow from challenges.

In this course, Dr. Karen Reivich focuses on the psychosocial aspects of resilience. The aspects of resilience that are determined by your psychology, and by your social relationships and interactions.

So, yesterday was one of the rare days within recent years that 1) my fatigue completely took hold of me, and 2) my brain’s sleepiness was to the point that most of my brain would not wake up - all day- and I could see myself not able to function practically at all.

It’s not like this was the first time this ever occurred, and it’s always a possibility, but it is still very hard to watch myself go through this and it is also very hard to wake up from the next morning—the kind of “slap in the face” reminder that oh yeah, I live with a chronic illness that can at times, and I will never know when, will have me almost completely disabled.

So, this morning I woke up with this “setback.” And I look at it like I was brought to a “fork in the road.” And now while yesterday’s adversity was not in my control, this morning, which I always work to look at as a fresh, new day full of good possibilities, it was actually now in my control as to which way I let myself go in my mind at this “fork in the road.”

Of course upon waking up, my mind started on autopilot and took me the wrong direction. Then, the moments that I made myself ready for, the clarity, the practice of never staying in autopilot and moving forward on purpose, with intention, with as much control as I can have and before it gets too hard to get the control back.

I turned my brain’s thinking around, I put my focus on the truths that were on my side- including but not limited to the fact that I Have Bounced Back From Much Worse Than This…;and I turned my mind away from dangerous cognitive distortions and right then and there pretty fast I would not let the negativity bring me downward.

Yesterday, I still had the mindful awareness to apply radical acceptance, non-judging, patience, trust, and just letting be with what is — for this one day -these are part of the 9 Attitudes of Mindfulness that I have begun to write posts about here for you. These all link together with the skills of resilience.

What you will learn too here, amongst other important things is that -it is when we start paying attention to our inner experience, that we rapidly discover that there are certain thoughts and feelings and situations that our mind seems to want to hold on to.

And amongst other what are called “resilience interventions” that I applied were these skills that I committed to in living with intention- what are called “protective factors” that I nurture every single day so they will be there for me when I need them most, when I have to dig deeper from a wider range of resources —

I learned the Critical Skill of Optimism —which gives us the attitude to continue to persist —and I learned how Optimism is the most important factor in resilience and in all of life - well-being and strong relationships;
I commit myself to living for clarified purposes that are bigger than myself, this is not limited to relationships, it is even better for our wellbeing to have an attachment to something larger than yourself which might also be to a mission, to a purpose, to an idea, something that you believe is critically important and worth fighting for (by the way, my personal mission is that all of you are worth fighting for);
I learned what my Personality/Character Strengths are and I learned how to leverage them;
I Developed Mental Agility;
I learned how to create a “buffer of positivity”, and what is called the “Broaden And Build” theory of positive emotions;
I learned how to take control of “thinking traps” by applying “cognitive strategies”…

All of these are what is so effective about the newest branch of psychology that I approach my life by to overcome all that I do overcome— where in addition to everything else, we build strengths supports.

Positivity Psychology, a somewhat newer term, describes a dual approach to mental health- where we build strengths supports, and healthy lifestyles, as well as treating illness and distress.

AlI of this is all what I will keep breaking down into chunks in most of my posts here to this group.
This takes some work first on my part - to keep breaking down the many variables- so bear with me.

#MentalHealth #MajorDepressiveDisorder #ChronicFatigue #ChronicIllness #Disability #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #Depression #Anxiety #MoodDisorders #MotorDisorders #BipolarDepression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #AutismSpectrumDisorder #AnorexiaNervosa #EatingDisorders #BipolarDisorder #Selfcare #ADHD #Relationships #FamilyAndFriends #Fibromyalgia #ChronicPain #Cancers #Addiction #Selfharm #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #Suicide #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #PTSD #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #PostTraumaticStressDisorder #Trauma #RheumatoidArthritis #SocialAnxiety #LearningDisabilities #CrohnsDisease #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #PersistentDepressiveDisorder #RecurringMDD #TreatmentresistantDepression #Mindfulness #MDD #TRDSupport #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #AutonomicDysfunction #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #MultipleSclerosis #LymeDisease #MajorDepression #ClinicalDepression #MotivationMonday #resilience #Grief

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Song Lyrics- Papa Roach -“Leave a Light On - Talk Away The Dark” plus a guide on how to have a real convo about mental health to share with others

Dry bones rattle in a lonely soul
Slipped and fell into a deep black hole
I can tell you're lost, I'm here for you
Wildfires burning you down to stone
Blind eyes, turning from a world so cold
A million miles apart, within my reach
It's not like me to worry
But when I see you fading in the dark
I'll leave a light on for you
Through the long nights, I will be right
There for you if you drift too far
I'll leave a light on for you, you, you
The rain comes following an endless drought
To wash away the remnants of all your doubt
I hope that you'll see me looking out…….”

Please 🙏 go to this link below for a Guide to having a Real Conversation about mental health and pass this on, share it with everyone and anyone that you need to be there for you, and they just don’t know how they can help you.

I have found out myself within the past year with an old friend of mine that she just needed my guidance on how she could be a better and supportive friend through my dark which is only a part, but still a part of who I genuinely am. And she realizes now that to be my friend is to know about all of me. And, she has actually become really great at giving me the support I need without me asking for it too. And, our friendship has grown stronger from the honesty and true empathy.

On their website in their real convo guide they start by saying this that people do not know and they get wrong — “you don’t need special training to have an open, authentic conversation about mental health – and often, just talking about it can be the first important step in understanding where someone is with their mental health.”

How to Start and Continue a Convo About Mental Health | AFSP

At the beginning of the song’s video there is silence with a black screen and these words in white:
“Suicide is a topic that hides in the shadows.
It’s Time we talk away the dark.
We can all play a role in keeping ourselves, and the people in our lives (and community) safe.
Let’s leave a light on for each other by learning how to Talk Away the dark.

The song’s royalties will directly benefit the AFSP (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention) for the rest of it’s existence. Suicide has impacted almost everyone and it’s so important to “Talk Away The Dark” and teach all how to have a conversation that could safe a life.

The lyrics also exist as a shoulder to lean on for those who feel alone in times of mental turmoil.

Frontman Jacoby Shaddix emphasized that mental health is not an individual struggle, but rather a serious issue that "affects all of us."

Finally, the critical message is starting to get out there that We All have a role in preventing suicide and supporting each other’s mental health.

#MightyMusic #Music #musictherapy #Songs #Lyrics #MentalHealth #Depression #Grief #Loneliness #Anxiety #Caregiving #PTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Trauma #BipolarDisorder #MajorDepressiveDisorder #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #ADHD #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BipolarDepression #Disability #CerebralPalsy #RareDisease #Selfharm #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #MoodDisorders #MotorDisorders #ChronicFatigue #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #DepressiveDisorders #PersistentDepressiveDisorder #IfYouFeelHopeless #MightyTogether #AnorexiaNervosa #EatingDisorders #Fibromyalgia #ParkinsonsDisease #Migraine #Cancers #POTS #CheckInWithMe #FamilyAndFriends #Epilepsy #Autism #PanicAttacks #PanicDisorder

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So thankful to have This chosen family. I want each of you to know that I am Thankful for You. We all have a special connection that is very real.

If You don’t think you are special, then why would I make You this collage and on a holiday🤗

Extra appreciation for everyone that has been joining this group of mine, Yay🙌🙌🙌🙌 We’re growing!

“We may not have it all together, but together we have it all.”

“It’s the friends we meet along the way who help us appreciate the journey.”

Ok, so you all need some of my tools like right now 😊

These 3 powerful words Will
Always help you to come back to only the present moment:
“Be Here Now”

I can’t emphasize enough that The most powerful tool that you Always have for self-regulation of all of your emotions and for pulling some energy out of nowhere when you are fatigued and depleted is Conscious (Deliberate) Breathing.
And it is also about taking control of what's going on in our bodies. Being aware of our breath or our heart rate.

Let’s do some deliberate breathing together:

Think these simple & fun mindful words with me:
As you inhale “Breathe in the good”
As you exhale “Breathe out the bad”
Make it a deep and strong inhale and an even longer exhale

“Just Take Care Of Now.”
This is a short but very calming go-to sentence when you are overwhelmed and or running on empty, so out of gas.

This is my quick & empowering go-to statement as well to remind myself fast that I am not a mind reader and thoughts are not always facts…
“I choose to judge nothing that occurs.”
This in technical terms helps with -
—Nonjudgment of inner experience and
—-Nonreactivity to inner experience (Creating That Space/spaciousness of mind)

We will be talking about this and so much more in here in my group “Resilience and Mindfulness” so if you haven’t joined us yet - click that Join button and keep this group on your radar.

May this help your Thanksgiving day and everyday bring you Ease, Calm, Peace, and Balance.

#MentalHealth #WarmWishes #Mindfulness #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Depression #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #ChronicFatigue #ChronicPain #Selfcare #Selfharm #Grief #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #Suicide #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BipolarDepression #MoodDisorders #BipolarDisorder #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #PTSD #Trauma #Agoraphobia #Cancers #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #Headache #Migraine #ADHD #Addiction #AnorexiaNervosa #EatingDisorders #Autism #RheumatoidArthritis #Disability #ChronicIllness #RareDisease #IfYouFeelHopeless #Cancer #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #dissociativedisorders #MightyTogether #DistractMe #CheckInWithMe #SocialAnxiety #Relationships

(edited)
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I’m here over the holidays too to help as many of us as possible 🤗

Holidays, right?!

I would like to open this post up here in my group “Resilience and Mindfulness” to an ongoing conversation and place for you to share and be seen, heard, understood and helped if even in any small, but possibly big way.

A lot more heavy emotions and thoughts come to surface.

Even ones we have been healing from.

Then there is also the stressful energy that others around us bring to our space of balance and peace.

I want you to know that since I am really living up to my fun username my first group members gave me-
slay queen, I have been slaying these heavy old memories and complicated feelings that have been already arising for me - during this Thanksgiving time, and I have been slaying my husband’s gaslighting and negativity…, so I am in a great place to be here to give a shoulder to lean on, two ears to listen deeply if you can open up and share with me here in this group I created for all of you, or feel free to message me to my inbox and I will do all that I can to give (as soon as technical difficulties in this app or time allows) to reply back to you to give you more light, more strength, more confidence, more connection, more perspective, more resources and tools, more positivity, more tangible hope…..

I want you to know that opening up and talking through your dark is strength, and so is letting others you can trust in our safe space, others like me who are reaching out a hand to take a hand, to take many hands, and offering to care more.

Your friend in this very hard thing called life,
Dawn

#MentalHealth #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Relationships #ChronicIllness #ChronicFatigue #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #Anxiety #Depression #Grief #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Loneliness #MoodDisorders #BipolarDepression #BipolarDisorder #Autism #Disability #Selfcare #Selfharm #EatingDisorders #RareDisease #Mindfulness #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #Suicide #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #Fibromyalgia #PostTraumaticStressDisorder #PTSD #Trauma #Addiction #Agoraphobia #SocialAnxiety #Cancers #ADHD #AnorexiaNervosa #Cancer #Caregiving #IfYouFeelHopeless #MightyTogether #CheckInWithMe #ChronicPain #ChronicDailyHeadache #Headache #Migraine #WarmWishes

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Going through the worst moment of my life

CW for abuse, trauma, grief, and suicidal ideation. And since this post has adult topics, 18+ please
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I'm going through what is unequivocally the most difficult period of my life. I've been through a lot, including abuse of all kinds, losses and deaths in the family, and many heartbreaks and disappointments. But this right here, right now, is the worst period of my life. I can say this with certainty. I'm actively suicidal, with a plan, timeframe, intent, etc. But before you tell me to ask a professional for help with that, please know I just was hospitalized for it this month, and it was one of the scariest things I went through. It was violent, inhumane, and traumatizing. I get nightmares about it and sometimes if I see something that reminds me or it, I feel terrified. I will never, ever tell a professional I'm suicidal again. Not while being on Medicaid, at least.

I had been struggling for a long time. One of my particular issues are a terrible response to childhood and adult trauma. For whatever reason, perhaps to gain a sense of safety, security, or control, or love, I seek out abusive men and abusive dynamics. I only do this when I have lost my footing and I'm desperate for all these things — me as I write this post. I've been doing this for years. I guess it feels safe to me. Control feels like protection, abuse feels like love. I feel the weight of the whole world on my shoulders, and I'm desperate to escape having to control everything. I felt safety with my ex who hurt me, and I don't. So, one struggle I can't stop struggling with is retraumatizing myself and exposing myself to more abuse. I've been doing this since I was thirteen. But really, I've been engaging in this behavior without knowing it since I was in first grade. I'll never forget asking my sisters how they would leave me and abandon me, because somehow being hurt made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Do you see how fucking broken I am? I try to fight against it, but this happens time and time again. It's part of the reason I want to take my life, and plan to act on that..

So, I meet a person, my now ex and still current FP, and he gives this abusive dynamic. But he also gives me love. Love, support, safety, and the most kindness I've ever received from an intimate partner. He intentionally made himself to be an FP of mine (he told me). At first, we were repeating this very abusive dynamic, but then he stopped and no longer wanted to hurt me. After trepidation and protests, I eventually accepted that. And I grew to even want the healing, non abusive love he gave me. I loved him with all my heart, and he loved me. He no longer even wanted to hurt me. He just wanted to love me. I felt so loved, and I was okay with that. For a while, I stopped seeking out abuse, from him, and from anyone else. I wanted to marry him. He told me I was his soulmate, that he would protect me, that I was his special goose. I sought out love and safety and a foundation in this person. I thought everything was okay...but then he tells me no longer wants to be with me...it was heart wrenching. It shattered me. It hurt me so much. It broke my heart because I thought he felt the same as I did...he used to love me, so why didnt he love me any more? Why was I suddenly not worthy anymore? What did I do wrong? He cited it to values. I start looking at all the ways I'm not enough, how my values aren't enough, where I went wrong. Was it because I wanted to wait until marriage to have sex, suddenly? Is it because I became Christian? Is it because I'm not acting like I used to, very promiscuous? Is it because you can't hurt me anymore?

But whatever...he continues to treat me like he's my partner still, even though we are friends. He tells me he loves me, he calls me his goose, we talk about the future things we will do together — how we will visit Oxford and his home town and all these things. I want more, but I'm able to pretend we are together because he's treating me like a partner anyways.

He leaves on a week long vacation with his "lesbian" ex, who he waxes lyrical "She's a lesbian" "It's okay if I stay in an Airbnb with her. She's a lesbian. We only dated for a week, eight years ago " and I tell him it hurts me, but I can't control him...

But then he suddenly and point blankly tells me that she suddenly isn't gay anymore and they fell in love with each other. By text. I woke up, and the day was normal. It was sunny, I had just gotten out of a crisis and was looking forward to a hopeful future. And then he slams that on me. So, I'm scrambling...what do I do? How do I navigate the fact that I wasn't prepared for this loss? How do I navigate the fact that he's still my FP? What about the fact he treated me like his partner until now? How do I handle what feels like a betrayal? How do I leave him to protect my dignity? How do I handle the rage inside me? Because truthfully, and I'm speaking candidly here, I've never had this much anger and wrath towards an individual in many, many years. How do I navigate the fact that there's two sides wrestling within me now? There's a part that wants to be kind, forgiving, and merciful. And I try to let that win. I am so careful with everything I say and do. Everything. I never want to cause him any harm. And then there's the part that is full of rage and wrath that shocks me. I find myself thinking things I never imagined I would ever think. I never show that side. I know the tongue is a weapon, and that's not really me. I don't want those things, but it's there. I wish I had someone to share these thoughts with..

But the worst is the grief...the betrayal. I sit with a constantly high degree of physical and emotional pain. I'm talking like over a 7 out of a ten. My chest hurts. I experience panic attacks. I have nightmares and crying spells. I binge eating and starve myself. I cope silently. I cry away from others and I try to lean on others for support, but no one wants to sit in the darkness with me. It's all platitudes.

But worst of all, he proved to me a deep seated fear...that only abusers love me. "Normal" people have basically always left me, been incompatible with me, disappeared, had it not work out, or dumped me. But oh no, abusers love me like hell. All I wanted was for someone to prove me wrong, and he didn't. He showed me point blank, with a powerful statement.

I tried to end the friendship but I couldn't go more than a week because I'm still trauma bonded or addicted or attached to him. It's extremely destructive to my self esteem and concept.

I kept trying to use my coping skills, but how do you cope when you're dealing with grief, betrayal, PTSD, OCD, BPD, depression, and suicidal thoughts? If you're me, you shut down. So I returned to my old pattern...I sought out the only people who seem to love me (abusers) and I'm going to starve myself. Maybe to death. I don't know. I'm dying inside.

For a while, I felt like I had hope. But now I feel I can't hang on long enough to see the dawn. I'm a broken person, who can't stop self harming and self destructive behaviors. My biggest supporter is gone. I am reeling in physical and emotional pain. I had a horrible bout of stomach pain twice last week, and I thought I had to go to the hospital. My tremors have gotten so bad. I can't cope. I have panic attacks and I disassociate. I'm terrified. I'm in therapy and with psychiatry but I just have no hope.

I want it to end, and I want to be in a peaceful place with no hurts and no betrayal and no suffering.

#MentalHealth
#Addiction
#Anxiety
#AnorexiaNervosa
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#Depression
#Loneliness
#Grief
#EatingDisorders
#ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder
#PTSD
#Selfharm
#Suicide
#MightyTogether
#CheckInWithMe
#Relationships

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ACCEPTANCE: 2nd of 9 Foundational Attitudes of Mindfulness As Part of Resilience

“On this sacred path of Radical Acceptance, rather than striving for perfection, we discover how to love ourselves into wholeness.”
- Tara Brach

“There is something Wonderfully Bold And Liberating
About Saying Yes To Our Entire Imperfect And Messy Life.”
- Tara Brach

The 9 Foundational Attitudes of Mindfulness also helps us to understand the significance of Full/Radical Acceptance.

First, from my own words and my own horrible things I just had to finally fully Accept: first you must grieve whatever kind of loss it is and then you must let it go (letting go/letting be - the doorway to freedom will be another post of mine here in this group) — but first, I had to grieve that surprise! I will be managing my Chronic major depressive disorder for the rest of my life, biggest surprise for my husband and I firstly was that I did not win the lottery with the type of depression that occurs once, we had no idea there was such a thing as Chronic, Recurring Major Depressive Disorder! And I had to grieve that this took my career away since my onset of this beast of an illness was at 34 years old. We had to grieve that we would struggle on 1 income because I could not work any job well enough anymore which we finally had to accept by the time I was in my early 40’s. I had to grieve that I was too sick and disabled and with our 1 income that I wouldn’t become a Mom (except to kitties). I had to grieve that this left me isolated from making new friends and I had to grieve the “friends” that deserted me when I was too sick and not myself. I had to grieve that I had never had healthy parenting from either of my parents and that I had to save myself and cut off the extremely toxic relationships with both of my parents with their narcissism and their emotional abuse to me. I had to grieve the devastating trauma that onset this horrendous illness that made me very suicidal back then and more times-even one time of that is too many times- I am sure many of us know what I mean. I also had to grieve more than once when my MDD took away my sense of self- I had to keep relearning who I am, what I like & dislike, remembering with surprise that I am actually funny and full of life and joy and positivity inherently. But, Thankfully I finally learned from my Mindfulness teachers and other experts that were better than my therapists ever were, that without learning (Radical )Acceptance and all of the integrated 9 attitudes of Mindfulness and so much more (I read psychology in my free time to learn to conquer my illness every single day) and this was my only way to attain the most beautiful inner peace, and to manifest my best life after all plus transforming into my best, most authentic self.

Acceptance- The attitude of actively recognizing that things are the way they are, even if they aren’t the way we want them to be.

Accepting Reality- mindfulness and awareness help you to *Come To Terms* with and accept things in life that are less than wonderful.

Acknowledging the present reality as it is (you don’t have to like it, it’s just how your body is feeling right now - it will not be completely just like this always/not for the rest of your life); Acceptance does not mean approval or compliance in every situation. As a mindfulness principle, acceptance means seeing the present moment as it truly is, taking it in, and living with that knowledge. You can accept a fact and decide to change it, if that seems like the appropriate choice to you. ***This principle is not about keeping things the same***, but ***it is about letting go of denial or ignorance and accepting or acknowledging what is happening in the moment.***

Accepting what is, even if that is challenging. When you know what you are dealing with, you can discover what can be mindfully changed and what has to remain as it is.

With MBCT (Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy) you can prepare yourself and find ways to cope with the bad in a way that allows you to move on and even to eventually see some of the bad as a surprisingly good thing.

There is also Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT; Hayes et al. 1999)

The Six Core Processes of ACT”).
To put it in less clinical terms and make it a bit easier to understand, Dr. Russell Harris (2011) has defined ACT as “a mindfulness-based behavioral therapy that challenges the ground rules of most Western psychology” with the goal of helping patients create a rich and meaningful life and develop mindfulness skills, even with the existence of pain and suffering.

Six core processes of ACT to develop psychological flexibility are:
Acceptance,
Cognitive Defusion,
Being Present,
Self as context,
Values,
Committed Action

Acceptance is an alternative to the instinct to avoid negative, or potentially negative, experiences. It is the active choice to be aware of and allow these types of experiences without trying to avoid or change them.

Cognitive Defusion refers to the defusion techniques that are intended to change how an individual reacts to or interacts with their thoughts and feelings rather than the nature of these thoughts and feelings. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is not intended to limit our exposure to negative experiences, but to face them and come out the other side with a decreased fixation on these experiences.

Being Present is another familiar concept for practitioners of mindfulness-based therapy. It can be understood as the practice of being aware of the present moment while declining to attach judgment to the experience. In other words, being present involves actively experiencing what is happening without trying to predict, change, or make value judgments about the experience.

Self as Context is a simple idea that an individual is not his or her experiences, thoughts, or emotions. Instead of being one’s experiences, the “self as context” process rests on the idea that there is a self outside of the current experience.
In other words, we are not what happens to us. We are the ones experiencing what happens to us.

Values in this context are defined as the qualities that we choose to work towards in any given moment.
We all hold values, consciously or unconsciously, that direct our steps.
In ACT, we apply processes and techniques that help us live our lives according to the values that we hold dear.

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