Argument

Tonight is rough, #arguments stringing throughout my house, yelling in one ear and out the other, glass breaking, harsh things no one means being said, so i locked myself in my room. my #Anxiety is through the roof right now, i want to go get in the middle of the #Argument but i know it will only make matters worse. Getting #high is the only escape i have now.

So I’m currently having some issues with my boyfriend and I don’t know what to do and could use some advice. In a week, I move from MA to NJ for college and my boyfriend will still be in MA. For a while, we were going to try it out. But now, I’m not so sure. The other day we got in an argument which was basically him telling me that I am toxic and haven’t shown the type of love he has to me for the entire three years we dated. Keep in mind, the first half a year or so I had a lot of trauma and a really hard time showing emotions, so I understood that my affection was weak. For the next year though, I was extremely affectionate towards him. I worked on showing emotions, got a therapist and it was great. We ended up breaking up for nine months and then got back together. We don’t need to talk about that. Once we got back together our love sparked and it took off like never before. I was so caring, so loving, so patient with him and I really loved him. As of recently, I’ve lost a lot of weight due to marijuana addiction which causes me a lot of self confidence issues. For the past month my depression has been in full swing between switching medicines and preparing for college. So obviously for the last month I’ve been lacking and I can fully admit that. But during our fight he told me that he never ever received any love in return compared to all he did for me and made me feel like complete shit. It also sounded really egotistical of him to put himself on a pedastool for being “boyfriend of the year” when he hasn’t taken me out to dinner in months. He also told me that his “sister” and “mom” hate me and I’m not welcome in their house. (Long story short he lives with his female friend that he met while we were on a break. He moved in with her while we were dating because he had nowhere else to go, which I understood because I wouldn’t want him homeless. We call the female friend “sister” and her mom “mom”) But so many rumors about them hooking up have swirled around and obviously I question him about it! They come up pretty often and me having to bring it up often makes me look crazy. Even though I handled the situations maturely, they hate me because I didn’t trust them. I just feel like complete shit about myself and I don’t feel like it’s worth it to destroy my self worth for his expectations. I don’t know. Help me. #Advice #helpme #Boyfriend #Argument #sad #College