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    University, the future, hopelessness

    I have 12 days before my first exam and I am not prepared at all. The unpreparedness has been hanging over me for the entire semester, I hate studying and I do not know what I will do in the future. My boyfriend said "Last year I told you it'd get better, you would be more focused, etc. But I am actually quite surprised that it didn't". All while he is trying to help me, I think he has no clue about how mental health works, and I did not choose to be bad at my studies or feel so sad all the time. He analyses stuff that do not require analysis. I think being sad in front of him is a big mistake. It is just frustrating despite the fact that I did not expect him to understand me. I think everything just got worse when I started sharing my problems with him. He doesn't understand me at all. #Boyfriend #Relationships #relationship #School #studentlife #study #studies #Education #Anxiety #future #Career #MentalHealth #despair #Sadness

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    I Hope a Therapist Calls Me Today #Anxiety #Depression #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Boyfriend #Abuse #Gaslighting

    I heard the sound of dripping a little while ago. I look towards the sound, and water(?) is dripping from the ceiling onto my paper towels and in the bin they're in. I woke my boyfriend, and he pulled the bin away, telling me this has happened before. I asked him why he's never told me! I have OCD, and water (or anything) dripping into my bin is a big problem! He said he's told me, that this is the third time it's happened in two years, but I'm positive he's never told me. He's lied about many things before, even things I had proof of. He said he complained to management before (we're in a motel, for those who don't know) and they said it's condensation from the pipes, and it's no big deal. Well, it is to me! My boyfriend knows I wouldn't want my things to be dripped on, so why did he put them there? I'm so angry right now.

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    I Don't Want to Go Back #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Anxiety #Depression #Abuse #Boyfriend #EmotionalAbuse #mentalabuse

    I got out early today because I can't stand being around my boyfriend and I feel awful in the motel room. I'm tired because I haven't had much sleep. When he goes out, he tells me about his friends buying him beers, even though he knows I'm always alone and wish I had friends. I feel like screaming sometimes, because it's neverending. I'm constantly alone, except when I'm with him. And I don't want to lie on that bed I've peed on so many times. I keep trying to look for resources, but I get anxious because of forms, places I can't live, organizations I can't accept help from, people who don't understand, etc. I need to get out of this situation and into a better, happier one with a house, my cats, and my stuff! I'm going crazy!

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    I Don't Get It #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Anxiety #Depression #hotflashes #Boyfriend #Abuse #Controlling

    I'm going to briefly ask about two things I don't understand about my boyfriend. Am I being unreasonable?

    1. My boyfriend let me get dinner at Cracker Barrel yesterday. However, after I got back much later, he hadn't gotten me any snacks. I feel weak if I don't have a little something extra later.

    2. I'm in menopause. My boyfriend has almost always put his comfort above mine. What I find odd in regards to me being hot while he complains of being chilly (it used to be the other way around most of the time) is, when *I* complain about being cold or hating cold weather, he says all you have to do is put on more layers. I hate putting on more. It restricts my movement and it's uncomfortable. So, why, when he's chilly, doesn't he put more layers on and letting me be more comfortable?

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    The Day Has Barely Begun for Me, But... #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Anxiety #Depression #Boyfriend

    This is supposed to be a day for me to enjoy, but like so many, it's not going well. I've been asking my boyfriend for an Amazon e-gift card so I can get two or three coloring books, and he says maybe in a few days (it's been several days), and I just wish he'd either say yes and send me the e-gift card now or say no, so I'm not left hoping and wondering. He's getting free beers from his friends, coming back tipsy, telling me how nice his friends are (knowing how I don't have any and I'm alone, even sitting in a crowd). He did give me money to eat at Cracker Barrel today, because I pushed him because I just don't get enough nutrition. No, CB isn't health food, but I get vegetables and better meals than I do at Starbucks. I get here, wait awhile because I came out early (I never come out as early as I did today, but it was sunny [emphasis, *was*], I was mad, and I just had to get out), use dental picks to try to get plaque off my teeth and OUT of the cavities where I've had root canals and other work that's since fallen apart, plus poking an area where I believe I have an infection, blood coming out of my teeth and gums, open the car door to spit, go find a parking place (got lucky there and had no trouble), find out there's a 25-minute wait (I used the time to walk, but I always worry ill end up in the bathroom again), finally get called, and the lady who takes me back asked me why I was there. I told her I'd slept all day yesterday (not to mention the day before), and she told me I picked a bad day to come. I know Sundays are bad, and there's a screaming kid at the next table plus a loud, large crowd, but I'm not surprised. I know it would die down if I'd waited about an hour or so, but I was hungry. I know the lady most likely meant I shouldn't have come because of the crowd, but I feel like I made things harder on her and all the workers by coming. My boyfriend still hasn't gotten me an adapter to try to see if I can charge my phone in my car with (the C slots are not charging anymore, and I think they've just been used too much, as I read somewhere that can happen if you don't use the specific brand's chargers, but my boyfriend said the cheap ones will be fine).

    So, this is how my day's going so far, and I have other things to do.

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    How do I navigate a supportive boyfriend but who does not understand my depression? #Boyfriend #Depression

    My boyfriend and I have been going out for two years. We have been long distance the whole time as I complete a masters degree in another state. He has been very supportive of this distance and giving me this space which I acknowledge and am beyond grateful for. However, at 23 I was finally validated and diagnosed with general depression and anxiety. I eventually started medication to help with severe suicidal thoughts I had for months. I feel better now because of the meds and am trying to find myself again. I saw another post and resonated with the statement of longing to be myself “before” mental illness, however, I know it has always been a process and I accept this part of myself. I give grace and love to the child who grew up in an abusive, chaotic home and am now deeply committed to healing.

    However.. my anxiety and depression expresses itself as me being very quiet at times, low energy, slow to think, irritability, numbness, and apathy. I don’t like that I feel this way but am working to understand these feelings and myself. My boyfriend is a high energy, extroverted person who loves fun and play and loves when I engage with him in the same energy. However at this time I simply cannot be this. I’m in pain, I’m numb, I’m tired, and I’m tired of pretending to be happy when I’m not. So I don’t. But when I act “myself”, my true depressed self with no mask, this seems to upset him because he wants me to have fun with him, enjoy the things he’s doing and be an upbeat joyful person when we hang out with his friends. He makes comments and gives me looks that I interpret as him being upset and irritated with me. I know it’s challenging to have a depressed girlfriend and he has been generally patient for a long time being with me but it hurts to be treated this way by the man I love. It seems like his patience may be running out. I haven’t brought up how this makes me feel hurt but I am mustering up the courage to do so soon. Hence, this post.

    Any experiences like this or suggestions on navigating this situation? He is usually open minded about this stuff and knows about my depression and previous suicidal thoughts and cares but just doesn’t seem to know the extent of my pain and how his behavior affects me.

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    I feel so stupid and so ridiculous. *forehead smack* 🤦

    A little while ago I posted about how I'm still in love with my ex-boyfriend. I have now come to the conclusion that I was confusing my emotions. I did love him. I was in love with him, and I loved him with my whole heart and more. But our opinions are so different and how we think if so different, it never would've worked. And I'm okay with this, honestly. The reason I titled this "I feel so stupid and so ridiculous. *forehead smack* " is because I think that by the end, I knew that we weren't meant to be together, and through that, I began lusting for him. I've never wanted to have sex with anybody before. It was never something I thought about. My friends all talk about when they wanna lose their v-card and I just wasn't worried about it, never really cared. And then I met him. He opened up a new part of me and I confused lust for love in the end. I told him about it and he said it was weird, which I expected. Because it is kind of weird. However, it is how I feel. When l lose my virginity I want it to be with somebody I love, somebody who truly loves me. And that's where my thoughts stopped and I wondered. Because he just wants to lose it. He doesn't care if he's dating the girl or if he loves her. He said that it would help, but he doesn't care. Knowing this, and knowing how I feel about him work perfectly hand in hand. I think that because I was in such a state of learning that I wasn't completely broken (via him) that I was in a "fog" so to say, as to where I believed that I was going to, and wanted to spend my life with him. I don't want that. I want someone who is like him, but also completely different. I'm not sure that I want him even just as a friend in my life right now, but I know that he's in my life as he is for a reason. I believe that everything happens for a reason. So he is in my life, and me in his for a reason, whether this reasoning has happened yet or not is unknown, but we will learn soon enough. Either way, my point here is that I have finally learned how to evaluate my emotions to a point where I can look at them and know exactly how I feel. And I am very proud of this. 😁🥰

    #psychology #encouragingWords #encouragementquotes #encoragement #positivequote #PositiveThinking #quittingisnotanoption #MentalIllness #dontgiveup #MentalHealth #mentalhealthmatters #InvisibleIllness #mentalwellbeing #inspirational #inspirationalquote #Therapy #psychology #LGBTQ #Depression #Anxiety #Love #mensuck #Love #lusting #movingforward #teenagers #Toxic #Boyfriend #Ex #exboyfriend #Depression #Journaling #DistractMe #BipolarDisorder #selfcare #MightyPoets #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #letstalkdepression #PTSD #WorkingOnIt #growing

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    I’m in the process of moving on from an abusive relationship, and the person who’s helping me on that has shown me that it is possible to feel truly and completely comfortable and loved wh#en you are with someone.
    The person I used to be with used to get angry at me every time I didn’t check Whatsapp because of depression, he would rant about it whenever we met. The blame would always be on me, and if I said something bothered me, he would say that it was an effect of my attitude. He even hacked my phone because I wasn’t answering his texts, and showed up at my house three times in the same day.
    I met someone when I was on holiday, my ex had gone to the same place and texted me everyday to see me. I spent a week with some friends and this new person. I found myself wanting to stay him instead of meeting my ex. I only saw him a couple hours before leaving, and he was mad at me.
    Me and this new guy started talking til the point that we would talk everyday. He was comprehensive, and would ask for my mental health every time he would perceive that I was a bit off. One day we met to have a coffee and I can’t explain how comfortable I felt. He made me feel that he cared about me, even if it wasn’t romantic.
    One day we had planned to meet and my grandmother died. He immediately told me that it was okay if I cancelled, and that if I wanted to meet he would be there for me. My ex hadn’t texted me in a week so I didn’t told him.
    By the next time we met with this person, my ex and I hadn’t spoken for a month, I had tried to contact him but he wouldn’t answer.
    With time, the way me and the guy wrote to each other started to get more romantic, until the point where one day we ended up kissing, and then going out and acting like a couple.
    In the middle of all this, my ex decided to text me and told me to meet. At that point I had decided that I wanted to end thing for good. He started to blame everything on me, dismissed the fact that my grandma had died and that I had entered to the hospital after having a really bad episode. He admitted to having hacked my phone again and got mad when he saw I was talking to the other guy. He made me feel terrible, as if I had to forgive him for everything and I was the bad guy of the story. Before we left he told me he would text me that same night. It’s been about a month and I haven’t known anything about him.
    I am talking to the guy I met on my holidays, and the relationship is quite serious now.
    I deleted all the chats with my ex, and everything that had to do with him.
    To all of those who find themselves in an abusive and toxic relation, I hope this can help you at least a tiny bit to escape that. There is someone out there that will find you and take you just the way you are. Healthy people exist. Healthy relationships exist. Feeling loved and cared exists. And you deserve that and much more. #AbusiveRelationship #Depression #Bipolar2Disorder #loveyourself #Love #overcoming #toxicrelationship #Boyfriend

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    #shouldigo #ineedinfo #helpme

    I have been given the #Opportunity to go live in Qatar (when I turn  #18 )for a couple years. I would be flown there for free and would be living their rent free. I would be living with my #Boyfriend in our own little apartment, his family would also be living in Qatar.

    Does anyone have any information about what it is like for an American young adult woman to live there?

    I know there are a lot of #steriotype things that I have imagined just because of things I have heard of the middle east. But I have also heard that #qatar   is different.

    If anyone has any #Information   I would appreciate it. :)

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    Getting there! Numbered presents x #Autism #Relationships #Love

    Mine and Ayden first aniversary present xx it’s getting there xx
    Numbered presented.Look at sentence how you feel and find the number open the present xx #Autism #Relationships #Love #Boyfriend

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