autism memes

I started this post with a question, because it’s one I’m often asked. I’m going to answer it, and I might not be very nice about it. I’m working on being nicer. I’m working on managing the emotions of other people for them, because I find myself in a dystopian world where it is okay, even expected, for people to tell my children they deserve to lose a parent.

It is just something they say. They don’t even know it’s wrong. And that needs to change. It’s not a valid question. I answer it with all the respect the question deserves. “When two people love each other very much, and they’re both pretty hot-looking, they sometimes get together and create absolutely the most perfect child ever born, who goes on to bring great joy to them and the entire world....and nobody likes your lemon squares, LINDA!”

How can I be a parent? And it’s always followed up with assertions of all the ways I cannot be a parent. I don’t mean to cast judgement back on you, “normal” parents of America, but can we just chat about this for a second? Can we explore all the things you say I cannot do?

“You can’t chase your kids around at the park.” Interestingly, every time I go to the park and you say this to me, we’re sitting on the same bench. Look, I know that time I brought a picnic and your kid wanted some watermelon we were fresh out, but is this worse picking some weird, able-bodies fight over? Can’t you just get your own watermelon? Nobody chases their kids around the park, Helen. That’s literally why we take our kids to the park. So they stop bouncing off the snicker-snackin walls!

“You can’t even go out without a mask.” And you can’t go out without a cigarette. And, if it weren’t for your cigarettes I wouldn’t need MY mask so question...which of our habits, the mask-wearing or the cigarette smoking, would tend to harm our children? But ok, Phil. I’m the one with the problem.

“You might die.” Well heck, Krista, we all might die. You might get hit by one of the neighbourhood teenagers blasting his music at 50 million decibels and texting while driving, while you’re texting while driving your kids five blocks to school. A distance even I can walk, just for the record. I feel like I’m more likely to die of your driving than my condition.

“You can’t go on vacation.” No I hear you. You’re SO right. I don’t know how I can expose my children to the frightening abuse of...not going to Disneyland. Next, I’ll be not buying them an x-box.”

I know that they want me to hear condescension and shaming, but I pity them. They’ve never even contemplated slowing down. Laying on the floor having a fort built around them, painting their children’s faces, playing board games. Or maybe they have, and they think it’s somehow different when I do it.

I’ll end this post with a six word mantra you can use if you’re ever dealing with such a person: “don’t bury me before I’m dead.” I’m here, my kids are here, and we’re not just fine. We’re freaking awesome! #Parenting #Family #Love #CeliacDisease #wellness #Recovery #Comedy #SocialAnxiety #funny #AutismMemes