begrateful

I can’t believe I haven’t posted in a year....and it’s been a hard last year for me. Throughout this year we have all dealt with so much negative. Dealing with anxiety’s day depression, the current world situation is absolutely terrifying for me. I’ve lost touch with myself. All I have been doing is worrying.
Today I decided to change that. Today I decided to stop, to breathe, to take a moment to appreciate all that is good in my life. I have been rewarded for accomplishments at work, I have been able to visit my family throughout all of this just recently, I settled into a new apartment, I’ve made new friends, connected with old ones and I’ve been working a lot on myself. I need to appreciate that and I need to appreciate and thank myself a lot more. I should be proud of all I have accomplished so far instead of getting myself down and treating myself like garbage all of these years. I need to love myself a little more, especially given the current world situation. Nothing is forever and no one is granted forever. Try to appreciate all that you have, have patience for all that you will have and just enjoy life ❤️ stay safe and healthy everyone xo #Anxiety #Depression #Breathe #reconnect #begrateful

Holy shit I’m fucking tired of it
People misconstruing the words that I put
In my posts lately
Understand I love you all greatly
But I’m sick of people not getting my intentions
When I mention
That I’m terminally ill
Seems maybe it’s a harder pill
For you all to swallow
All acting like I wallow
In my prognosis
All the while my diagnoses
Looms over my head

::Change of tone::

Don’t you get that soon I’ll be dead?
I have to lie in this fucking bed
So yeah I’m sick of hearing you say
How fucking hard your day
Was
All because
Of things happening in YOUR CONTROL
Things within your own damn pull
Now I realize I’m complaining
But I’m merely saying
That I AM here for you in your time of need
I’m not one filled with greed
But watch who you’re complaining to
Because there’s some things I just can’t soothe

I’m not trying to one up
But
It will ALWAYS seem that way
When I say what I need to say
Which greatly pisses me off, you know
Because compassion is what I actually try to show
If you have a disease that’s totally different
Your mood control- you sometimes can’t
But I’m not judging that you see
Rather I’m judging the drama queens
The ones who actually own control
The ones taking their own toll
On their emotions
They have such devotion
To being the victim you see
Something that completely seethes me

So stop thinking I’m one upping you all
Every time I call you out when you “fall”
I am merely trying to help you out
I hope my words hold some clout
They probably don’t
But I just won’t
Back down and be treated as a selfish being
For any of you to say that is just fucked up and mean
Just understand
I practically demand
You see
That I’m not trying to be
A one upper you see
That’s just NOT me
So STOP painting me in that light
Unless you’re up for one hell of a fight...
Just sayin’
I am no longer playin’
Stop making me look so bad
It’s pissing me off and making me both mad and sad.

21 September 2019

Somethings we go though things that cause deep suffering. It might be due to health issues, loss of a loved one, troubles at work, someone we loved hurt us deeply, among other things. It gets hard at times to find a way back to smiling and not feeling overwhelmed. When I’m going through tough times (one of the hardest moments of my life right now) it really helps me to make a list of the good things in my life. It reminds even about the simplest things that sometimes we just forget to be thankful for. It reminds me of things we don’t notice and are so valuable. I also think about those people who love me and have been there for me. Gratitude helps us see beauty all around! #LoveLife #begrateful #empath #Loveheals #KindnessMatters #Youareblessed