Bipolar 2 Disorder

Hi, my name is puchis38. I've been diagnosed with bulimia, bpd, bipolar 2, ocd, and anxiety

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #OCD #EatingDisorder

There’s this brokenness inside of me that longs for what I think will fix me. It hasn’t been men, sex, dick, money, drugs or alcohol. It’s just this cavernous emptiness that rends me into many very divided pieces of a fractured self. I’m hurting not because he nor anyone else failed to choose me but because I cannot choose myself. I hate the parts of me exposed to air. I hate the deepest parts of me that define me as I presently am. I hate the in between parts too. I loathe this body, mind, and heart. It hurts to breathe right now knowing that that involuntary act sustains my existence.

There’s this brokenness inside of me that longs for what I think will fix me. It hasn’t been men, sex, dick, money, drugs or alcohol. It’s just this cavernous emptiness that rends me into many very divided pieces of a fractured self. I’m hurting not because he nor anyone else failed to choose me but because I cannot choose myself. I hate the parts of me exposed to air. I hate the deepest parts of me that define me as I presently am. I hate the in between parts too. I loathe this body, mind, and heart. It hurts to breathe right now knowing that that involuntary act sustains my existence.

For close to eight years I have been a facilitator for two in-person mental health peer to peer groups a week. Since April attendance to the groups have steadily declined for various reasons. Then since the beginning of September, no one came to the meetings, not a single soul. I knew the meetings would have to stop so I made the announcement on our Facebook page what the last day would be. I got a few objections which I thought odd since no one was attending. I arrived yesterday at the building where the meetings had been held and it was being closed up, the owners were moving. So that is that. The groups were intended as support for those having mental health issues, to share ideas on how to cope with day to day life. It was very successful for eight years, then it wasn't. I wish I knew why. In the beginning the groups were established under a national mental health organization. We broke from them due to disagreements over policy. Unfortunately, that took away our ability to get the word out about us. Today I feel sad and lost. And like I let people down even though that isn't rational. I'm going to try and be good to myself today and enjoy the little things… like my cat on my lap and my dog at my feet. Thanks for letting me express my feelings.

For close to eight years I have been a facilitator for two in-person mental health peer to peer groups a week. Since April attendance to the groups have steadily declined for various reasons. Then since the beginning of September, no one came to the meetings, not a single soul. I knew the meetings would have to stop so I made the announcement on our Facebook page what the last day would be. I got a few objections which I thought odd since no one was attending. I arrived yesterday at the building where the meetings had been held and it was being closed up, the owners were moving. So that is that. The groups were intended as support for those having mental health issues, to share ideas on how to cope with day to day life. It was very successful for eight years, then it wasn't. I wish I knew why. In the beginning the groups were established under a national mental health organization. We broke from them due to disagreements over policy. Unfortunately, that took away our ability to get the word out about us. Today I feel sad and lost. And like I let people down even though that isn't rational. I'm going to try and be good to myself today and enjoy the little things… like my cat on my lap and my dog at my feet. Thanks for letting me express my feelings.

So my depression got worse to the point where I asked for help from my therapist but I didn’t know what I needed help for. My anxiety got bad and all of a sudden I was in a hypomania in therapy the other day. I never felt so happy in my entire life I cleaned my whole apartment. My energy levels were off the charts. I had a visit my Np and she saw first hand how my hypomania is. She upped my mood stabilizer and she wants to see me in two weeks.