Let’s Talk Trauma
Hard to love
I was out of it today. Laid on the couch, ate too much sugar and slept while Bob’s burgers played in the background. I woke up stiff and angry at myself for letting another day pass without meaning for myself. I haven’t left the house in days (work from home). I can’t tell if it’s hypomania or coming off a flare or PMS but I’m anxious AF and raw at the moment. I cleaned a bit, set some mousetraps (way overdue) and cooked dinner. My partner came home full of energy and looking to chat. I had nothing to give him. He made a crack about some invading his privacy from some years ago. I went down the rabbit hole and dissociated. He asked what was up and initially I just said I was in my head. I told him what was up during dinner as we avoided eye contact while we choked down my dry chicken.
‘I’m anxious and that comment bothered me’ he just said ok and continued to avoid eye contact. We watched some intense TV which brought on more water works and I could still feel/see his discomfort. I asked if he wanted to talk and he said no but said he would talk to me later. I left to clock in for work in my office and promptly cried for the first few hours. He did say goodnight but it feels so heavy I could die. Now I have 8hrs to simmer before work is over and another 18hrs before we can really chat.
Do you always share how you feel even if most days you feel like Oscar the grouch with a sugar addiction? Do you keep the happy face until you can’t anymore? Am I being sensitive/melodramatic?
Anyways, thanks for coming to my ted talk…
Does anyone have experience parenting a young adult with Borderline Personality Disorder?
As a Mom with Bipolar 1, some areas of parenting have always been difficult for me... Managing time, keeping a structured home and schedule... But being there for my kids was never an issue. As they've gotten older and began exhibiting their own health issues, sometimes it's difficult for me to deal with their anxiety attacks or sudden mood shifts without my own annoying symptoms coming to the surface. My youngest has Bipolar 2 and my oldest is now being evaluated for Borderline Personality Disorder. I don't know how to handle my oldest daughter at times... She's very closed off, has no motivation in life at all, it's like running a marathon to get her out of the house, I can't talk to her about her life or future without her breaking down, you can't ask her to do anything without an excuse of some sort. We also have rare genetic diseases we deal with, but she's begun to use her symptoms from those illnesses as excuses rather than trying to do anything. I try to be patient and empathetic and listen, but sometimes it's really rough dealing with my own constant, overwhelming anxiety and trying to find a way to bring her back into the world. Please... Does anyone have any advice for me? Thank you so much💙💙🙏🏾 #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Parenting #parentingachildwithbpd #EhlersDanlosSyndrome
Hi, my psychiatrist thinks I have epilepsy. I’ve been having olfactory hallucinations for months. I’ve also had visual hallucinations over the years.
A couple of years back I had a horrendous time with what I’m now wondering might have been focal seizures with fear.
It was a recurring thing. Has anyone experienced this & if so, could you describe it a bit? Thanks, Zel.
Bipolar Basics (And the Challenges in Diagnosis)
A complex mood disorder, bipolar poses several challenges to those who experience it. These pains include maintaining relationships, holding down sustainable employment, and often financial struggles. Less than 20% of those having bipolar disorder receive an accurate diagnosis within the first year of treatment. In fact, five or even ten years is not unheard of. So what is so difficult about diagnosing bipolar disorder?
What is Bipolar?
Bipolar disorder is a mental illness causing fluctuating moods and energy levels. It often affects emotions, sleep, appetite, focus, and many other aspects of the person’s life. Diagnostic criteria include experiencing depressive and manic episodes.
What Might a Depressive Episode Look Like?
During a depressive episode, some or all of the following signs and symptoms are present:
● Feeling sad and/or a sense of emptiness
● Loss of interest in activities
● Reduced energy and/or decreased activity levels
● Difficulty concentrating and/or forgetfulness
● Changes in appetite
● Sleep disruptions
What Might Mania Look Like?
A manic or hypomanic episode may present some or all of the following signs and symptoms:
● Increased activity levels and/or taking on many tasks
● A sense of euphoria
● Racing thoughts
● Feeling jittery or similar agitation
● Engaging in risky behavior
● An abundance of energy and/or insomnia
Types of Bipolar
We can divide bipolar disorder into four categories: Bipolar I, Bipolar II, Cyclothymia, and Bipolar-Related Disorders. Each type of bipolar causes mood cycling. None of these has a singular cause although risk factors include trauma, brain function anomalies, and genetics. Symptoms typically begin during the teenage years.
This is what most people think of when considering bipolar. It is characterized by a depressive episode and a manic episode. Episodes may last a significant amount of time or rapid cycle. Mania symptoms last seven days or more, or are severe enough to require intervention.
Frequently misdiagnosed as major depressive disorder, bipolar II is characterized by a depressive episode and a hypomanic episode. As hypomania is less extreme than mania, they may pass it off as the person simply feeling better for a while.
The Wrong Diagnosis
People are more likely to seek treatment during a depressive episode and may not recall experiencing a manic or hypomanic episode, particularly in cases of bipolar II. This often leads to a diagnosis of major depressive disorder.
Substance abuse may also lead to a misdiagnosis as the use of alcohol or drugs can often affect episode cycles. This can lead the healthcare professional to believe that substance use is directly responsible for mood swings.
Medication and Misdiagnosis
Misdiagnosing bipolar disorder can lead to the healthcare professional prescribing medication that can worsen symptoms. For example, a provider may prescribe SSRIs for depression, which can trigger a manic episode.
Medications prescribed for different conditions may trigger mood and energy cycles. For example, a prescription for corticosteroids may induce mania.
Receiving the Right Diagnosis
Healthcare providers are not intentionally misdiagnosing people who seek care. As we understand more about the wide sphere of mental illness, the need for deeper psychological evaluation and a detailed patient history becomes more apparent.
If you are seeking treatment for your mental health, it’s important to share a lot of information, even if you find it embarrassing or shameful. The better your provider can understand your experience, the better they can treat you, and the sooner you can feel better.
I have to make a pretty big decision about my relationship. I really like him, perhaps even love, but things like values aren’t aligning. I also have no idea who I am so I don’t know what we really have in common. I don’t know I have a tendency to be a chameleon to people. Molding into what they want. It’s not their fault it’s mine. So I don’t know if I can stay with him. I hate it because he’s so sweet and caring and not a bad person at all. He really likes me too. I’ve been stressed about this for over a week and idk what to do…but it’s a decision I have to make. But also I don’t know if it’s anxiety around beinf in a relationship or if I want to leave him first before he can leave me. I’m really not sure… #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiety #Bipolar2Disorder
Kindness to self
I was getting angry at myself for not being assertive or confident. Then I realized I had to give myself a little more credit. I am diagnosed with #Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder and #Bipolar2Disorder and I try to hide it and function as if I don’t. I’m trying my absolute best every day and am slowly building up my confidence. It’s not easy but every day I show up.
The View Is Great
Yesterday I posted a thought titled "The Beginning of Hope." It was a thought of mine that I was once suicidal and self-harming at one point but had made it out to the other side, I am now happy.
First, I would like to apologize. I never want anyone to feel the way that I have felt- alone, rejected, and abandoned.
Second, I am not a trained psychiatrist, and I sincerely apologize if I triggered anyone in any way, shape or form in my now-deleted post.
Third, I want you to know that you are not a burden. You are beautiful. You are loved. No matter who you are or what you believe or what you do or what you've done. You are loved.
Fourth, it does get better. Sometimes life feels like an uphill battle. Please keep climbing. The view is great. Make sure you're here to see it.