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Something Went Click

Ever since my horrible time in the mental health hospital (which I boldly call the Insane Asylum) something went Click. The place was cold, old, dirty, and in some areas, moldy. I had a horrible experience, and it was not theraputic at all.

According to my recent therapy appointments since I have left the facility, I have changed. I am almost hardened. Things are not as impactful to me anymore the way they used to be. I am not #Bothered by things like I used to be. #BipolarDisorder seems to have nearly vanished. I have had zero symptoms. This is where I come up with the idea that something in my mind went "CLICK." I don't know what this is, but It is not bad. I feel like after the hellish experience I had, that I am no longer the same person that I was before. I feel stronger, no thanks to the facility, but rather the practice of telling myself to stay strong and behave and not show any emotions so I could go back home safely.

I remember when I was there, I had thought that it was interesting how I had comforted my mom. I told her that I would have lots of stories to share with her once I was home.

It was like jail. Only being allowed to use the phone briefly per day was like jail. I couldn't believe my eyes at the things I saw, and still have a food aversion to Ham (yes.. ham as in lunch meat!) They literally had served it for a breakfast, lunch, and dinner. One time being a soft taco, with a slice of ham, and a slice of cheese rolled up. That was breakfast. And then the same for lunch and dinner. I felt like I was in the twilight zone!

Anyway... I am so #thankful to be home. And I never ever want to go back to place like that. Ever.



One of those days #Anxiety #Bothered #alone

Today is one of those days where everyone around me irritates me, for no good reason... I do know this. Just the mere presence of someone has me bothered. I am really struggling with my emotions today. I am tired, exhausted, irritated, sad and stressed. Everyone around me seems so happy and care free... I don’t remember the last time I felt care free or truly happy. Sure good things happen but do I really respond with happiness?? That I am not sure about. Sadly, I work in the helping field and some days I don’t even know how to help myself, never mind anybody else. Anyways, this is my first post here I feel anxious about expressing my feelings but I need to work on this part of me. #firstpost #Anxiety