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Hello, I'm new to the group and this app! I have bipolar 1 with psychotic features when I'm manic, anxiety, and newly PTSD. I just got over a very severe manic/psychotic episode where I was rapid cycling and destroying my life for nearly a year. I was off my meds and using some recreational drugs that just made things worse. All to chase the mania. It was so scary and resulted in me losing all that I had (car, apartment, jobs, friends, community I had been building since a similar episode where I was diagnosed). At this point I'm starting over, living at home in my late 20s and feel relatively shameful and guilty about it. Would love some words of wisdom or encouragement from anyone who has done through something similar #ManicEpisode #Psychosis #recovering

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How to cope with regret? Guilt or what if thoughts 💭?

Recently going through a breakup, somewhat mutual but I brought up the fact that maybe we are going around in circles breaking up and getting back together, I had a bad panic attack/ crying I was stressed/ overwhelmed and they meant well to support me but were comparing me, saying I should be stronger, crying makes me weak etc, English isn’t their first language but they speak it well 🗣️, and I guess I was hurt because I know they meant well but it just made me feel more crappy and stigmatized, they kept going on and on and comparing me to other people etc. I know they loved me and were just concerned, but it sucks i feel regret though I feel in my gut it was problem for the best for both of us. But almost 3 years into a relationship
It’s still hard to let go. I’m proud of myself for doing a lot better than I expected but it’s hard when you get those emotional breakdowns and are just overwhelmed by everything and life in general.

#breakup #recovering #MentalHealth #Hurts #grieving #relationship #Ex
#healthybuttoxictoo #help #kindreminders #helpme #sad #Crying #Upset #Disappointed #regrets #dontknowwhattodo #isolated

21 reactions 7 comments

I just had a panic attack and I’m stuck in my head #PanicAttacks #scared #stuckinmyhead #recovering #PTSD

I just had a panic attack. I was having a deep conversation with my boyfriend reflecting on my past.. and I got stuck in my head. As the old memories flooded back into my head, my hands started shaking. Then my heart started pounding… yet I felt like I couldn’t breathe. My mind and body suddenly remembered all of the feelings and all of my fears. Even though I was much smaller back then, I couldn’t help but feel so vulnerable… reliving every moment as if it was all happening again. My world started closing in and I coulnt stop trembling. Once it finally stopped… I felt completely stripped my all energy, and time. …..

It has been a few hours, but I still feel so strangely numb. I can’t quite get myself to snap out of it. I don’t know what to do. I haven’t panicked like this in so long. What are you supposed to do after a panic attack? (By the way, I am in counseling) What are some things you do to calm yourself down when you’re scared? What are some things you do to try to get out of your head for awhile? Anyone have any good song recommendations?

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° " Can You Become Depressed And Sad.. While Having Covid ? " ° #recovering

° " I'm Feeling Alot Better But I'm Also Severely Depressed Idk Why... And I'm Also Extremely Exhausted... I Test Again Tomarrow. I Have In Home Covid Test Kit's. Because If I Went Into The Hospital. I Would Have Waited Hour's. Or Would Have Been Sent Home. I Don't Have Health Insurance Right Now. Because I Just Can't Afford It. And So My Boss Called To Check In. And She Was Asking For A Doctor's Note. Like Hello I Guess She Didn't Hear Me. I Told Her. That I Took The In Home Covid Test. What That Won't Count To Let Me Come Back To Work ???. Some Of These Companies Are Stupid. So I'm Going To Tell Her Again Clearly. That I Did An In Home Test Kit. It Was Much Safer Than Me Setting Into A Hospital. Especially Since I'm High Risk. " ° #Thought 's Sincerely, ☆▪︎☆Skaoi Kvitravn☆▪︎☆

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Covid + isolation day #4


It has been an interesting 🤨 experience- having covid .

Having that virus 🦠 in my body makes me feel weird.

💕 #recovering

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Paperwork phobia #cowdens #ASD #Caregiving #Parenting #Trauma #abusesurvivor #recovering

I have a terrible paperwork phobia. It piles and gathers and gets scarier and more overwhelming and triggers horrible anxiety attacks and IDK why

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Something Went Click

Ever since my horrible time in the mental health hospital (which I boldly call the Insane Asylum) something went Click. The place was cold, old, dirty, and in some areas, moldy. I had a horrible experience, and it was not theraputic at all.

According to my recent therapy appointments since I have left the facility, I have changed. I am almost hardened. Things are not as impactful to me anymore the way they used to be. I am not #Bothered by things like I used to be. #BipolarDisorder seems to have nearly vanished. I have had zero symptoms. This is where I come up with the idea that something in my mind went "CLICK." I don't know what this is, but It is not bad. I feel like after the hellish experience I had, that I am no longer the same person that I was before. I feel stronger, no thanks to the facility, but rather the practice of telling myself to stay strong and behave and not show any emotions so I could go back home safely.

I remember when I was there, I had thought that it was interesting how I had comforted my mom. I told her that I would have lots of stories to share with her once I was home.

It was like jail. Only being allowed to use the phone briefly per day was like jail. I couldn't believe my eyes at the things I saw, and still have a food aversion to Ham (yes.. ham as in lunch meat!) They literally had served it for a breakfast, lunch, and dinner. One time being a soft taco, with a slice of ham, and a slice of cheese rolled up. That was breakfast. And then the same for lunch and dinner. I felt like I was in the twilight zone!

Anyway... I am so #thankful to be home. And I never ever want to go back to place like that. Ever.


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Mincing Garlic #SuicidalThoughts #survivingsuicide

I’ve come a long way, from wheelchair, to walker, to cane which I only seem to need in busy or stimulating environments. I’m recovering suicidal psychosis #SuicidalOCD and #NeurologicalDisorder caused by never-treated  #LymeDisease  

Nine months before I lost control of my body, 10 months before it became difficult to speak, and 15 months before a doctor finally figured out this diagnosis—the first symptom was a horrific psychosis.

For 22 months I’d see non-stop pictures and movies of me ending my life. This was different from suicidal ideation I'd experience as a child and throughout most of my adult life, suicidal thoughts I was able to stop with years of counseling and   #EyeMovementDesensitizationAndReprocessing  

The only thing—after 22 months—that changed my psychosis from constant, to rhythmic, to often, to periodical, to occasionally, was  #ElectroconvulsiveTherapy . Since my ECT, I’ve gone from seeing the images non-stop, to 100 times a day, to 50, to 20, to 10, to 5, to where I’ve been for 3 months which is 0-to-5 times a day.

Recently, cooking has become a #Healing   hobby, as it continues to be excellent occupational therapy for restrengthing my brain, and fantastic  #ExposureTherapy  

At first I could only use a knife while my husband was watching. With exposure therapy, I've been trying to teach my brain, and teach me, that I won't hurt myself with the knife, just because I’m seeing it, and certainly not because I’m holding it. This is how I got the pictures down to 5 times a day, then down to 0-to-5 times a day.

I'm cooking so much now, using a knife by myself, that my elbow hurts, especially from mincing garlic. I've come such a long way. #recovering


Badly triggered, in a pit of misery #recovering #emotionalpain #Hurtinginside

My husband said something today that triggered a memory of something so catastrophic I was never even able to bring it up in therapy. It happened about 15 years ago and I’m confident it won’t recur . Yet it triggered me so badly I’ve been shaking ever since. I hate how I feel. I hate the reminder that I’m recovering from domestic abuse. I hate the fact that fifteen years later it still makes me feel so yucky. Help me climb out of this misery #DomesticAbuse #recovering #tryingsodamnhard #miserable #triggered #forgiveand ...