Brett Kavanaugh

Because it just never stops

Immediately upon waking up today

A long text from my Mom saying how she loves me, "HOWEVER" I "went too far" reporting my parents to CPS. Doing something, anything, to make a change. Protect my sister when I can't put my body between my Father's and hers. As to my best friend - "I trusted her as a next door neighbor with my children" and "I will not be speaking with her again" and "she is in her thirties and she should know better than to insert herself in someone else's entire life story so carelessly and cruelly." "She fancies herself a lot wiser and more worldly than she actually is. So do you." Treating me like a child. A child without a care in the world. Ignorant and perpetrator of a grave mistake.

And my abusive grandfather will be in town when I am—I'm invited to dinner with him

And my abusive father will be in town, too—not out of town

I just wanted to get up and take a shower at a reasonable time, better than yesterday

That's what I intended to do

Then

I find out about #BrettKavanaugh

Because my roommate is co-hosting a sexual assault survivor's circle tonight in response to his nomination which she invited me to (as an ally) on Facebook

Women were "in many ways stronger than men in this fight," said Trump. "Women were outraged by what happened."

"To Brett Kavanaugh."

#Anxiety #Depression #SexualAssault

Trigger warning - sexual violence

- -

A man on TV
and a man
and a man
spinning, yelling
The politics
of conquest
of bedrooms
of liars
One liar
two victims
One victim
one liar
The victim
the image of a face
staring
expressionless
A door
closed intentionally
Two doors
built intentionally
Three beers
good fun
six beers
spinning
eight beers
deflection
ten beers
denial

I don’t know, do you like good fun
do you like scrutiny
do you like laughter
do you like cold eyes
warm hands
hot tears
open wounds
no voice
can’t move
nightmares
Do you like it

Thirteen
sixteen
eighteen
not your property
First bike
tires slashed
no voice
pedals stuck
can’t move
just bones
just a body
not your property
He decides
and he decides
and he decides

Can I see you
are you scared
do you see me
are you broken
Theft isn’t ownership
not your property
Why is my body, my story
your property
Plan B can’t clean
the mess you left inside me

Hardly worth it
no one hears me
He says I do not exist
just a body
just bones
just words
not your property
One liar
two victims
One victim
one liar
He decides
and he decides
and he decides

age of reign by language & discourse
with the medium of media as our resource
i’m seeking recourse, some sort of closure
following this week of traumatic exposure
an odd phenomenon suddenly appeared
it was helpful until it quickly disappeared
leaving me reeling, searching for footing
the occurrence was honestly reassuring
to detail the thing to which i’m referring
feels out of context - almost disturbing
to bring into this beautiful realm of poetry
but alas i must discuss this openly
there was an option to listen live on twitter
to the hearings taking place, minus a filter
usually provided by news of mainstream
which displays news that sells magazines
regardless of meaning, intention, context
they take the popular ones from an index
to build a story the viewers will follow
“this is who we are” - NBC’s motto
a summarized version of the events
often serving to tell a tale they invent
i found myself with a sense of validation
in hearing every allegation and accusation
as well as the responses and reactions
the releases of heightened passions
I know Dr. Ford was calm and composed
her full, raw testimony had me engrossed
I felt every emotion as if it were my own
her story is unfortunately too well known
resonating with victims across the nation
comments pouring in sharing frustration
i walk into class to find it restructured
to ensure we address whose suffered
from repeated, overt sexual violence
perpetuated by male dominance
Judge Kavanaugh a striking patriarch
as he finds his place among the oligarchs
narrative dominates my life, i cannot hide
heart always racing, keeps me up at night
my body feels the full rigors of my triggers
sensation bolts through me, then lingers
for thinkers like me, it only gets worse
actively fighting so it does not deter
my ability to function as a normal citizen
utilizing discipline, maintain the minimum
lost among the maze of stories invading
one starts fading; body is tensely waiting
for the next wave of assaults on character
serving to make the line even thicker
dividing the haves and have nots of power
covering our mouths as we grow louder #Survivor #SexualAssaultSurvivors #BrettKavanaugh #triggers

They are haunting me. I can’t sleep and I’ve been in a constant state of worry since they happened. #BrettKavanaugh