sexual assault

A couple of days ago, I tried to help a stranger. A neighborhood women came up to me as I was loading my car to run some errands and said her car broke down and needed too pick up spare keys at a relative's house not exactly close by, but not the other side of town either. She was nice and polite and didn't ask for money or anything but a ride. I was hesitant but agreed. At first, everything was innocent. We made small talk. Then about 1/2 way to the destination, her questions were becoming more and more personal. About a mile left to go she asked me if I found her attractive and before I could answer she starts grabbing my right arm from the steering wheel and wants me to touch her breast. I told her no I don't want to do that several times while she pulled her breast out. Still fighting her off while trying to drive I very firmly said no and that she was making me feel very uncomfortable. She finally stopped. Then as we are finally arriving at the destination, she asks for money. Again, I told her no and that she should be happy with getting the free ride. I was supposed to give her a ride back to the neighborhood but after all that I decided to leave for my own safety after she went to the apartment.

I actually have to praise myself for not panicking in this situation and being able to shake it off and go run my errands. It just goes to show that women can be sexual predators too. She was not happy that I rejected her advance. I hate to say it because I feel that if we can help people in need responsibly that we should. But this was an experience I do not want to go through again and I won't bother trying to help strangers anymore.

#Anxiety #SexualAssault

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Please bare in mind that this is a very sensitive topic for me to talk about, and is actually very triggering to me as well.

But I find rapists unforgivable (unless they deeply and genuinely regret it) to where intrusive thoughts (thoughts that I don’t believe in or else I’d be way too harsh) come up. I have never faced physical sexual assault, but it makes me super mad whenever I hear that someone has been raped and that whoever raped them hasn’t even been caught. It’s fucking disgusting!!! 🤬

I just heard this morning that one of my friends’ partner (non-binary) was raped two months ago, likely not even 18 yet.

Rapists should not walk free. They need serious help (no, I actually mean that, like please seek counseling), they need to be put away (no, I don’t just mean jail) until they know how to fucking act right. Fuck rapists!!! Is there anyway I can help to get more of their asses in jail (or just get them caught because I know jails can be discriminatory, unfortunately)??

Edit: And how am I supposed to feel any better from that? I can’t think of a single thing that will make me feel better now…

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MentalHealth #Anxiety #SexualAssault #sa #Rape #Vent #EndSexualAssault #EndRape

My abuser was found guilty and sent to prison to await sentencing. My abuser was a family member and quite honestly I don't know how to feel at the moment. People tell me I should be happy he's gone and got what he deserved and that I should be proud of myself for confronting him during trial. While I am proud of myself for being brave and not giving up when I easily could have, after 4 years of waiting for a trial it's finally done. I cried for the past 2 days. I keep telling myself I don't love or miss him but I still feel like I lost something. There will never be a chance to talk to him, to try and understand why he did what he did. I won't attend sentencing because I am too tired of the legal process. Yet if I don't go I will never see him again. He will most likely die in prison. Other family members have sent me threatening messages such as saying they hope I kill myself. I was scared that this person would find me but luckily they did not. My #PTSD symptoms are somewhat reduced now that it's over but I'm still a bit shook up. Honestly I don't know how to feel right now. I'm not angry I know that. I just don't know what I'm feeling. I don't know if this is normal or not. Luckily I can start therapy again so that will help a lot. I'm just so tired. How do you move on from something like this?

#SexualAbuse #SexualAssault #PTSD #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Family #Grief #Loss #confused #Healing

I often wondered if the outside world was as bad as the life I was living. I didn’t disclose the abuse until after it started. I was silenced by shame and fear. Now I am ready to share my horror with the world. The monster I dealt with didn’t live under the bed or in the closet. He walked around, worked, acted as a family man. So much so I trusted him and now looking back, I wonder what made me trust him. I was a child when the #SexualAbuse started. I was molested on a daily or near daily basis. My body didn’t feel like my own. I felt awkward, dirty, confused, and used. The molestation continued for years. I kept it a secret mostly because I wasn’t sure if my experiences qualified as abuse. I wasn’t being beaten or starved so I didn’t classify being touched inappropriately as abusive. By the time I was sexually assaulted by that monster I had grown used to the abuse. Though the #SexualAssault made me fear for my life there was something familiar about it. Like all the other times I was abused. Not to mention the onslaught of #EmotionalAbuse I was subjected to by another monster. I was psychologically torn down. I began to accept the abuse and believe all their lies. I believed I wasn’t good enough, that I deserved the abuse, that I was a bad person and that sex was a bad thing and yet my worth depended on it. After leaving the abusive situation in 2019 my life went further downhill. Financial losses, no relationship with the family, self harm and a suicide attempt. I was later diagnosed with #PTSD which changed things. But after I met my now fiancé things changed for the better. My life is more stable, healthier and while I am doing intensive therapy to work out the trauma, I can say each day gets better. I have found someone that loves me despite the trauma and a family I can call my own. So while I may struggle with the effects of being abused, I can say healing is possible. It just takes time.

I encourage you to share your story if you feel comfortable. This post has been truly liberating. Thank you for allowing me to post here. My voice and your voice have power! I will no longer be ruled by fear and shame. That belongs on the monsters that abused me. I appreciate the feedback.

#ChildhoodAbuse

I often wondered if the outside world was as bad as the life I was living. I didn't disclose the abuse until after it started. I was silenced by shame and fear. Now, I am ready to share my horror with the world. The monster that I dealt with didn't live under the bed or hide in the closet. He walked around, worked, acted as a family man. So much so that I trusted him and now looking back, I wonder what made me trust him. I was a child when the #SexualAbuse started. I was molested on a daily or near daily basis. My body didn't feel like my own. I felt awkward, dirty, confused and used. The molestation continued for years. I kept it a secret mostly because I wasn't sure if my experiences qualified as abuse. I wasn't being beaten or starved so I didn't classify being touched inappropriately as abuse. By the time I was sexually assaulted by that monster I had grown used to the abuse. I was used to being used and discarded. Though the #SexualAssault made me fear for my life, there was something about it that seemed familiar like all the other times I was being abused. Not to mention the onslaught of #EmotionalAbuse I was subjected to by another monster. I was psychologically torn down. I began to accept the abuse and believe all their lies. I believed that I wasn't good enough, that I deserved what was happening, that I was a bad person, that sex was a bad thing but yet my worth depended on it. After leaving the abusive situation in 2019, my life went further downhill. Financial losses, no relationship with the family, self-harm and a suicide attempt. I was later diagnosed with #PTSD and that changed things. But after I met my now fiancé, things changed for the better. My life is more stable, healthier and while I am still doing intensive therapy and working out the trauma, I can say that each day gets better. I have found someone that loves me despite the trauma. I have a family I can call my own. So while I may struggle with the effects of being abused, I can say that healing is possible. It just takes time.

I encourage you to share your story (if you feel comfortable). This post has been truly liberating. Thank you for allowing me to post here. My voice and your voice matters! I will no longer be ruled by fear and shame. That belongs to the monsters that decided to abuse me. I appreciate all the feedback.

We are strong together!

#ChildhoodAbuse

Ever have a day, week or month where you feel like the world is against you? That’s where I’m at now. I’m severely depressed and just want to block out the world. My symptoms seem to be getting worse. Psychosis is looming on the horizon. That’s what has me anxious. I just want to be healed from the trauma I survived. I’m tired of drowning in shame. My emotions are all over the place lately. I just want to be happy and healthy and while I know there is no magical pill to make my past and pain go away, I wish there was. I have a support system and mental health support but when I’m alone with my thoughts that’s when things get bad. I have a list of therapy skills I could use but those go out the window when I’m upset. I just wish I could have it together. I took a few days off from work to relax but I’m still depressed. I know I have to keep it together for everyone else but I often wonder about how people would react if they knew everything. Disclosure of abuse is a gamble, at least in my experience. I’ve gotten bad reactions and good ones. Sometimes I think it’s better to keep it to myself. I don’t like dumping on people it just makes me feel bad. Besides there’s not much they can do anyway. It’s in the past and yet I feel like the past is following me around. Until this triggering event is over, I have to deal with all this. I’m just tired and have hit a wall I guess. I know it will pass but I’m really struggling right now.

#PTSD #BipolarDisorder #BipolarDepression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #SexualAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #SexualAssault #MentalHealth #Therapy #needhelp #CheckInWithMe