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My second least favorite holiday...

...and not because I'm not patriotic, really. I come from a long line of soldier, sailors, marines, and airmen, my husband was in the Army, and every brother in law that I have is military (or former military; which includes my sisters' husbands and my husband's brothers).

I dislike 4th of July because of the irresponsible people in our neighborhood lighting off incredibly LOUD fireworks for weeks around the 4th. As I sit here typing this, one of my neighbors is either shooting a firearm or is lighting multiple bottle rockets. The police around my don't really care (although they will kill my disabled veteran husband over for having "too many lights on our truck"-yes, this is a true story).

Anyway, my husband has PTSD from his time in Iraq. His job was to run toward the rockets AS they were being fired into the FOB, so he and his team could quickly figure out where the people firing them were so his team could return fire. (This is a VERY oversimplified explanation, but you get the idea. So, naturally, fireworks are a BIG trigger for him. We've been married 18 years and this has been the case for 16 of the 18 years.

I don't mind comforting him or reminding him that he's safe, that's not the issue. The issue is that he goes through the episodes to begin with. I hate seeing him like that. I wish there was something I could do to make it better :(

#PTSD #triggers #Caregiving #FamilyAndFriends #MentalHealth #Trauma

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Understanding self-harm and suicide content online #triggers #thinkaboutit #respobility #prevention

Good evening everyone, as we all know the internet can be a amazing tool for you to learn and research more about your mental health conditions. It helps break the barriers individuals face when they are experiencing or helping someone who is struggling with their mental health.

But, it can also carry potential risks by presenting opportunities to access graphic content, details around methods of harm, and content that glorifies or promotes self-harm and suicide. Access to such content can be distressing, triggering and may act to encourage, maintain or exacerbate self-harm and suicidal behaviours.

According to, they state: there is growing focus and awareness of the potential harm of self-harm and suicide content online, it is important to recognise the benefits that users can experience from online spaces.

Research tells them that helpful content includes:

🗣️ Messages promoting help
🗣️ Stories of hope, support and recovery
🗣️ Tips about self-care and looking after your wellbeing

This is why i’m here,
FACTS not MYTHS and RESPONSIBLE content, if only i had this information many years ago when i lost someone i loved to suicide.

Our lived experiences shape us all 💯🗣️💪✨ #MightyTogether #MentalHealth

7 reactions 3 comments

Comment on one of my posts is triggering

Its taking everything I have to not respond and my response wouldn't be so kind.

Something that upsets me is unthoughtful, comments preaching ones religion. I find them rude and completely lacking empathy. I'm all for one finding hope in religion but when I'm basically saying my condition kept me from sleeping - I was in pain all fn night! I don't need a religious nut preaching their religious beliefs in the comments of my post. It's thoughtless and shows absolutely no compassion or empathy for what I'm going through in that moment. I find it disrespectful.

If you're religious good for you, keep believing. I hope you find comfort there. But unless you know someone personally and know they have the same beliefs as you, or they're speaking about it in their posts, please don't preach it in the comments of a random strangers posts... We're not at church.

Every single comment this member makes on any post is preaching her religion. I can't block her because she hasn't made an actual post just commenting.

Just my opinion. I didn't come to this site to be preached to. I didn't come here to find spiritual advice from a stranger. I didn't come here to push my beliefs on anyone else.

I wish we had control of comments on our posts to remove them and block the person. My beliefs are no ones business, and someone else's beliefs have absolutely no interest to me.

#triggers #ComplexRegionalPainSyndrome

3 reactions 2 comments
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be aware 🍵

What kind of triggers do you think you have?
And do you see yourself in what you might still need to heal from according to the triggers below?

I do.
And I find it very helpful to find simple lists like this one because it gives me way to reflect and maybe understand better what may be going on inside of me.

Since I have BPD I see myself in a lot of the situations below and I'm working on it by trying to pay attention to myself and what's surrounding me.

For example, I realized that any time I meet a member of my family I get very nervous and I am way more exposed to random triggers than usual.
So now I have my new task: pay more attention then usual to myself anytime I meet someone of them. I know I'm going to be nervous and probably get triggered by something. Then eventually I can see my emotions arise and I'm prepared to see their effects coming.

Do you have ways you're trying to handle your reactions to triggers with? Let me know!

A hug ♥️

#triggers #BPD #DBT #aware

62 reactions 22 comments

The uncomfortable, unwanted battle of your Trauma's.

Is it just me...or do other's feel the older they get, the worse it feels when your traumatic event's replay over and over. Like if you're triggered, it brings up the one.. but that one being triggered, triggers them all? So you're left in this LOUD and fast mess in your head. You see it all, you hear it all and you feel every single one, all over again? When this happens, it brings me into a very low state. I'd say this has been the hardest/longest depressive episode it's put me in. Even experienced new thing's it's had me struggling with that's unfamiliar territory for myself. The sleep deprived state I'm constantly in. The hopelessness consuming me more and more each day that goes by...a month feels like it's been crammed in a day. When you physically feel ill trying to make yourself eat a simple piece of bread because you feel that sick to your stomach by the way you're feeling...just the thought of showering feels like you've ran miles when you haven't even moved yet! Just getting out of bed to use the restroom is exhausting in itself. You crave to sleep just to escape it, yet you can't sleep.

Listen...this battle alone feels unbearable. But when I reach out to anyone outside my trauma therapists office (family/friends) I get shamed for even trying. I'm avoided, cut off, told to toughen up, told it could be worse, to be more grateful, you sound selfish or the famous one "I'll call you back" but no one does? So many can know I'm not doing well & won't even check in...ask if I'm doing alright or if they can simply listen to what I'm feeling. I understand it can make other's feel anxious, from what I'm told "you're giving me anxiety" "you're stressing me out" I do apologize, I do hide it 90% of the time. But when that 10% isn't doable to hide...i feel like i get punished. I get cut the more silence I receive from other's, the louder my thoughts get. So now 1 triggered trauma.. triggered more traumas that triggered you to search for help/support, because you are overwhelmed, scared, hurt, lost, confused..but now you're feeling guilty, angry, unheard, abandoned and hopeless while you're stuck isolating yourself?

What does one do in a situation that's now lasted a month, making you feel like your traumatic memories are eating you alive inside with every feeling flooding in all at once until that numbness kicks in.. but it doesn't stick.. it repeats... turns into feeling like you suddenly can't breath...

The disappointment & sadness of trying to reach out but facing more judgment, more turned back's or my favorite "it'll pass" yes, it'll pass... but I'm not sure why..but while it's happening..I'm to do it alone? That feels like all I've known. Shouldn't I be use to it? Why would it feel harder to ignore?

I understand it's my Trauma's!! It's my battles. It's my mental illnesses!! But why is it so hard to be heard. Why can't a simple hug be offered? Why can't a listening ear be mutual? I'm a helper at heart. I love helping decode people's problem's. Heck...I'll drown myself with other's issue's and fix them before my own (working on that) but regardless of anything...I will always always listen. I will always answer. I will always check in. Why am I not worth the same? Why do I feel like suffering is all I know? How do I kick this dark place I'm in if I can't even find a slight bit of motivation? I didn't ask for this. I truly don't believe anyone does... but I feel like the one's that are suppose to be there are making it seem like I wanted to put myself in this problem. I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing... the meds, the therapy. Yes...I understand I need to try more coping mechanisms but sometimes when you hit that burnout... that it's self feels so difficult to even slightly focus on because the several thoughts and emotions are so active, that it's extremely difficult to be able to focus on them coping mechanisms. For me... it's like I should be trying to study in a crazy loud active concert or trying to eat the messiest food while on rollercoaster ride while trying not to get a single drop on your white shirt.

Sometimes people just want to feel like they matter. That their struggles are noticed and that a listening ear is available. Sometimes that's all someone needs is to be heard. To be loved, while they struggle to love themselves in that moment!!

Just a reminder, to be kind. To just listen. To put the judgment aside. Don't try and add more rubble onto the rubble someone is trying to climb out of already. Offer a helping hand instead. Cause some never make it out when the weight of it becomes to much to bare.

#MentalHealth #triggers #Bekind

2 reactions

The smallest thing… #PTSD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Trauma #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #Loneliness #Selfharm #triggers

I realize that I do ruminate. I’ve been in therapy for over 2 years. My Counsellor is great. She has taught me how to ground myself when things get to be too much. It doesn’t work lately. When I go to therapy, the things I learn, or have learned made me understand myself more. But the smallest things set my emotions in motion. The smallest thing can affect me now. Words, objects, movies, music, relationships, …my mind plays that tape over and over again. It really sucks,!because I start to think of self-harm, thoughts of suicide. My husband is being distant. It puts things in perspective, I have been like this for our 20 years together…what is he feeling. I feel selfish. I’m a horrible wife, he’s been there for me unconditionally. I want to do better, but how do I do that when those damn tapes play and play in my head. I hate myself so much. I am a selfish burden. I hate this…whatever.

9 reactions 5 comments

Triggers, pet peeve responses, and being overwhelmed | TW swearing, family

For my mental health sake, I sincerely ask if you could please censor c*v*d-19 (o, i) or the other words, p*nd*mic (a, e), and q**rantine (ua) or leave them out entirely before posting any comments. Thank you, you’re the best!
Before I say anything, I just want everybody to know that I am not intending to be/sound rude when I say any of this.

Saying that “well, *trigger word* is not going to go away” or “it is what it is” are the least helpful things you can say to someone with triggers, because to me, it feels like you’re saying “welp, you’re screwed for the rest of your life” and for the latter “I simply don’t care”, even if you’re not intending to sound that way.

Yes, I still have these words as my triggers everyday. It still brings me flashbacks whenever I fucking hear any of the words and how much of a sad life I’m still in (and I already have mostly negative views about society) because I unintentionally drag myself into that very sad period of 2020 and beyond.

I’m trying to work this over with my therapist, but I haven’t because there’s a thousand things that happen with me and are on my fucking mind everyday, and if not everyday, then most days (traumatic flashbacks, being overstimulated by youngest nephew constantly, stress dreams, trying to make time for all 7 of my queerplatonic partners (yes, it’s healthy, non-romantic, and consensual) and trying to be perfect around them all the time (I should probably stop doing that), waiting to move out of here already into a more safer and quieter environment, extreme social dysphoria as a non-binary individual, etc. etc.)

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #SocialAnxiety #Trauma #Anxiety #triggers #normalizetriggerwarnings #overstimulated #overwhelmed #triggerwarning #venting #LGBTQIA #MentalHealth

3 reactions