brokenness

#DomesticAbuse

I don't know who she is looking back at me.
She looks absent eyes so empty.
I remember smiling and looking at my hair,
Who is she in the mirror?
Driving I have forgotten where I was going, why is it
so quiet, no music. Ok focus focus, why is my shirt
wet.
It's happened again how can someone cry non stop.
I remember I used to blast the music, sing at at the top of my lungs.
Where did I go?
I'm at work I hear people talking they're being nice
and caring I just can't follow the conversation.
I can't think, I can't form the words.
I'm lost again I'm back in that moment. The pain I feel
the pain don't cry, don't cry, people are looking. Too
late they noticed. Oh man my allergies are so bad, I gotta go take my allergy meds, they smile they bought it. They think I'm ok its allergies just allergies.
I'm hiding in the bathroom trying not to break down I can't I have to keep it together its 4 hours I can do this I have to.
I'm home li'l bit wants to crawl on me, I love her so so much but it's so hard to be around her I failed, if only I'd been stronger, smarter, better.
My friends are talking to me I'm trying to answer their questions I want to talk I want them to know I am here. I can't follow the conversation I say a word here and there try to fake as much as I can.
All I want to say is I'm broken, I'm in pain, I'm dying, but I can't. I've put them through so much.
They see who I used to be.
They don't who this is, I don't know either.
It's hard to be around people and harder to be alone.
I'm not sure what to do or how to be.
I need to stop being this broken mess.
#Pain #brokenness #Complex Post Traumatic Stress #DepressionAndMentalHealth

If I had to say I am #morethanworthy
I am #morethanworthy  because, before I was even born,
#godkneweveryhairofmyhead , even in my mother's womb.
I am #morethanworthy because even with my #Pain , #Scars , and my #brokenness , I have touched others' lives in #Love and #openness .
I am #morethanworthy  because whether or not I realized it,
there was somebody #waitingformetotouchtheirlife with a #sharedexperience  that would help shape both of us.
You are #morethanworthy ,too. Somewhere, some time, somebody
waits for #yourtouchontheirlife , whether it will be permanent, or a fleeting gift given in passing. Both will make a mark.
We are #morethanworthy because, to quote a #dickenscharacter ,we really are all "...fellow passengers to the grave,and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys."We all share this life as long as we're here, and we can #choose how we will live it with others. #choose to be #morethanworthy .