caringbridge

#caringbridge #help #Support #emotional

Most of life’s important transitions include a plan. Whether we are preparing to buy a new home, checking out colleges for a high school graduate, or considering a new job, a detailed plan truly eases the process. The same kind of plan can make a real difference with caregiving. Whether one is caring for a child with cancer or for an adult recovering from critical surgery, consider the following ideas and questions.

Begin by clearly naming everything from who will be the primary and back-up caregivers, to who will pay the bills, attend the medical appointments, and who will do the cooking. Don’t just assume that everyone understands the roles. Discuss it with each individual and create a basic, though adaptable, schedule.

How will you remain connected to support resources? Friends and family love to help, though don’t necessarily know what you need unless you tell them. In fact, they could be timid about even asking but happy to open a CaringBridge site for you if you requested it. Though it might feel awkward to make specific appeals, others will likely find it helpful when you do. Asking a neighbor to pick up a grocery order or a child from soccer practice is easier than asking a neighbor to guess what you need.

How do you plan to talk with your child about her or his illness? How will you care for your own physical and emotional needs? Don’t hesitate to consult a social worker or child life specialist for age- appropriate language. This will help the treatment and recovery process, as well as manage clumsy questions from well-meaning friends. The most important point to remember is to make the plan, don’t guess as you go.

Thank you fathers and life-affirming caregivers of every age. We love you, and you make our world a better place!

#Caregivers #Parents #babies #Fear #caringbridge

A physician once shared some insightful advice with me for anyone who engages with patients, their families and caregivers.

He was a pretty imposing guy, who rarely minced words. Our conversation began when I asked him why he shaved his head. He was, after all, director of the New Born Intensive Care Unit and hardly needed to worry about being recognized. His answer, like most of his advice, was uncomplicated:

“I shave my head because all my patients are bald.”

So, I asked him to elaborate. “Well, when parents and caregivers come into this unit, they are already frightened because they have a sick child. They are frightened about the outcome of a premature or traumatic birth. They are frightened about the future and about what the doctor will tell them. Shaving my head is my way of showing solidarity with families and their babies.

This prompted me to ask what he expected of us chaplains and of other concerned visitors who come to support families.

“Just three things,” he replied, rubbing his shiny head for emphasis. “Show up, listen, and tell the truth.”

It made sense. Though chaplains often encounter stressful situations, friends and loved ones can find it difficult to show up. It might feel like an intrusion, or they worry that they could encounter an emotional outburst.

The doctor’s second instruction is not so easy. Listening, without judgement to a distressed parent or caregiver can prompt a well-meaning friend to bolt, or worse, to offer forced conversation and less than helpful advice.

As for the doctor’s third point, tell the truth, it’s easier than one would expect. Begin by skipping any details of your own experiences and agendas. In fact, no words can be more truthful and powerful than awkward chatter. Think about what you could realistically provide. Tell the worried caregiver that you care deeply and you would like to add whatever support is reasonable and possible. That kind of truthfulness really matters.

This post honors my encounter with a family and a tiny newborn in the NICU. It was 24 years ago this week, and it launched the creation of CaringBridge. Blessings on you all!