Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia

I am tired of being told that I have a good cancer compared to other types.
I am tired of being told that I am strong.
I am tired of being told to accept my healing.
I’m tired.
I’m tired of it all.
No, it’s not a good cancer. It’s still CANCER.
Yes, I am strong, but no amount of resilience will cure a life long blood cancer.
And,
What healing? I’m still dealing with it and will deal with this the rest of my life.
I can’t even get the medication going with out breaking into a rash.
I don’t have energy.
I don’t have motivation.
I just dont.
But,
I’m trying.
I’m trying to get back into the swing of things.
I’m trying to move past this diagnosis.
I’m trying, but it is exhausting.

#Motivation #Support #Cancer #ChronicMyelogenousLeukemia

I am tired of being told that I have a good cancer compared to other types.
I am tired of being told that I am strong.
I am tired of being told to accept my healing.
I’m tired.
I’m tired of it all.
No, it’s not a good cancer. It’s still CANCER.
Yes, I am strong, but no amount of resilience will cure a life long blood cancer.
And,
What healing? I’m still dealing with it and will deal with this the rest of my life.
I can’t even get the medication going with out breaking into a rash.
I don’t have energy.
I don’t have motivation.
I just dont.
But,
I’m trying.
I’m trying to get back into the swing of things.
I’m trying to move past this diagnosis.
I’m trying, but it is exhausting.

#Motivation #Support #Cancer #ChronicMyelogenousLeukemia

I usually just read posts and have never made a post of my own, but I am sitting here literally shaking, wanting to cry and run away and not tell anyone where I have gone. I want to disappear. I have basically shut down. I am in my room which should be on Hoarders. It's not trash, but clothes, papers,mail, empty boxes. I feel ashamed. I know what I need to do, but my body is frozen. My daughter estranged herself from me Nov 2018. We were so close . I became too needy and had a huge fear of abandonment. She was spending more and more time away from me and with her boyfriend and his parents. She admitted that she was happy in a "real" family. If you have bpd, you know what this can do to you. I apologized for being so needy and have been in intensive outpatient therapy and dbt. She promised me that she loved me and wouldn't drop me out of her life if I got help. I have actually been in therapy for years. I am also getting TMS. My therapist contacted her to let her know of my progress, and she said she has no intention of having a relationship with me. That about killed me. I can honestly say and have people who will back me up, that I did NOTHING so bad as to be treated like this. I haven't seen her or talked to her in over a year and she lives in town. Never in a million years did I ever think this would happen to us. I feel hopeless. I just exist.

I usually just read posts and have never made a post of my own, but I am sitting here literally shaking, wanting to cry and run away and not tell anyone where I have gone. I want to disappear. I have basically shut down. I am in my room which should be on Hoarders. It's not trash, but clothes, papers,mail, empty boxes. I feel ashamed. I know what I need to do, but my body is frozen. My daughter estranged herself from me Nov 2018. We were so close . I became too needy and had a huge fear of abandonment. She was spending more and more time away from me and with her boyfriend and his parents. She admitted that she was happy in a "real" family. If you have bpd, you know what this can do to you. I apologized for being so needy and have been in intensive outpatient therapy and dbt. She promised me that she loved me and wouldn't drop me out of her life if I got help. I have actually been in therapy for years. I am also getting TMS. My therapist contacted her to let her know of my progress, and she said she has no intention of having a relationship with me. That about killed me. I can honestly say and have people who will back me up, that I did NOTHING so bad as to be treated like this. I haven't seen her or talked to her in over a year and she lives in town. Never in a million years did I ever think this would happen to us. I feel hopeless. I just exist.

I have chronic leukemia, my dad died on christmas day in 2012 4 months before I was diagnosed with Chronic Leukemia, im on oral chemo, Sprycel. I can tell after 7 plus years on this that its finally beating me down physically and mentally, I used to have this career and now I live with my mom and work part time, a recent engagement was broken, im 34 this is the time in life when other people are thriving, im really trying to. I feel like im in the shadows. I have wonderful support from my mom. life has changed #ChronicIllness #Leukemia #ChronicMyelogenousLeukemia #angry #SideEffects
#smart